Delighted to say I've finally got a new job installing mirrors!
Nothing fancy, but was something I could always see myself doing.
It FINALLY happened.
Almost 40 and growing my beard out for the first time. Wife finally says "You know I'm starting to like it." And I could finally say "Yeah. It's growing on me."
Finally my winter fat has gone...
Now, I have spring rolls.
I went to dinner with a couple of Vikings and they kept tapping on the table and laughing. I finally asked what was so funny and they said:
“You wouldn’t get it, it’s Norse code”
Imagine if Aladdin took place in Italy and when he finally finds the lamp and gives it a good rub, out pops...
Once I became a parent, I finally understood the . . .
scene where Yoda gets so tired of answering Luke's questions that he just dies.
8 months in and I finally got a good dad joke over the weekend.
In the subdivision where I live there are 2 open fields with cows in each one, one of those fields is being turned into a sports complex. My friends were wondering where the cows would go and one of them suggested that they would just have all the cows in one field, to which I replied “well then it would just be overCOWded”
Thanks guys
Finally, a place to share this!
I’ve finally come up with a chronology joke.
After all this home schooling, my kid finally lost control
My wife thinks we should allow our pets to share our bed.... I finally gave in.
After 10 minutes, our goldfish finally settled down.
I finally got to watch this documentary on herbs and spices
With Lil Nas X's Satan Shoes, the devil can finally steal our soles.
I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
They finally found out what makes dog sick
I thought that I finally met my sowl mate...
But she said I was too boar-ing.
I finally saw the new Justice League movie but when the heroes ended up in a funky little shack down the Atlanta highway, I was confused at first.
It was the Fred Schneider cut. Oops!
Finally learnt how to separate my washing into lights and darks...
Turns out there can be a bit of a grey area
A friend of mine planned to use balloons to propose to his internet girlfriend, but then they finally met face to face.
He immediately popped the question.
I finally found a genie in a bottle! So I asked if it would be possible to change French positives to Spanish...
He replied, "oui shall sí."
A plumber and his coworkers finally fixed his own sink after years of not having access to tap water. He started crying, and his coworkers asked why.
He said with a trembling voice, "Because water works!"
It's 1905, and Albert Einstein has finally published his new space theory.
I was walking past the river today and this guy asked me if his rod looked good. Then, he asked if I liked his net. When he continued on and asked if I was impressed by the amount of fish he had caught, I finally lost it and shouted...
"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"
After telling my kids 3 times I finally said: “why isn’t the dishwasher running!?”
Because it doesn’t have any feet!
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
Guys! They finally made a story about clocks!
Our local Lego Store finally reopened after lockdown.
People were lined up for blocks.
I was in the toilet for so long, I finally said to myself....
I'm getting too old for this s**t.
Well, after all this time, they finally came in! I guess I’m a dad now!
Why did the truck driver finally stop farting?
After hours of trying, I finally got the lid off a can
I finally did it. I told my wife I had secretly married someone else.
I finally finished my training film for army commanding officers after more than 18 attempts.
It’s a sad day but my kitchenaid mixer motor has finally died. I couldn’t whisk for a batter friend.
I finally got back into practicing with my boomerang.
At first I couldn't get it, but it's coming back to me now.
I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
They're finally spilling the beans
Hmmmmmmmmm, I finally had Shawarma yesterday.
Finally got around to watching Dr Who…
I finally got my dream job at the guillotine factory
I’ll beheading there shortly
Edit: Thanks for the silver. My first ever award!
I have finally made it
I have two kids, a three year old daughter and a one year old son. Today as we were driving home, my daughter said for the first time “dad I’m hungry” and I felt the power course through my veins knowing I was about to reach the pinnacle of existence. I delivered the revered line and my wife just looked at me and I knew I had achieved everything in life.
I’ve finally decided to shave my private area.
I need to stop beating around the bush.
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