π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 02 2021
Bu-Ford :3
π︎ 597
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︎ Dec 05 2020
Itβs my 3 year Reddit anniversary!
Getting karma should be as easy as cake.
π︎ 140
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︎ Dec 30 2020
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?
Because the cow has the udder
π︎ 274
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︎ Dec 12 2020
What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Donβt mind him. He is just a product of our times.
π︎ 230
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Ordering pizza with my 3 year old.
Me: do you want ranch or blue cheese?
3yr old: ranch is for horses
Little guy Caught me off guard lol
π︎ 43
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Oct 25 2020
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
π︎ 158
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︎ Dec 22 2020
A Mexican magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3.
He says, βuno, dos..β and then POOF he disappeared without a tresβ¦
π︎ 679
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︎ Nov 18 2020
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
π︎ 25k
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︎ Aug 19 2020
Day 3 of the Dadvent!
π︎ 85
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︎ Dec 03 2020
Would better fit here, [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/kq35tq/shitpost_because_its_3_am_and_i_should_be_sleeping/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 04 2021
My friend found a deer stuck in a fence. It took him 3 hours, but he was able to rescue it.
Heβll do anything for a buck.
π︎ 53
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︎ Dec 28 2020
Would better fit here, original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/kq35tq/shitpost_because_its_3_am_and_i_should_be_sleeping/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 05 2021
My wife and I watched 3 movies back to back last night.
Luckily I was the one facing the screen.
π︎ 11
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Did you know that fish are a great source of omega 3, which is great for helping the brain function?
...Just some food for thought.
π︎ 69
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︎ Dec 12 2020
3 months since I had COVID and Iβve still got very little sense of taste.
Sometimes I just find myself settling down on the sofa, opening up Netflix and sticking on Friends
π︎ 15
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︎ Jan 04 2021
A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks a go and it still hurts.....
I can't believe it's not better.
π︎ 968
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︎ Oct 13 2020
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
π︎ 109
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︎ Nov 29 2020
My 3.5 year olds favourite joke: how do the oceans say hello to each other?
π︎ 70
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︎ Dec 09 2020
My 3 yr old just cracked me up with this joke as I was putting him to bed
Why did the tree moo?
Because there was a cow stuck in it!
π︎ 38
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︎ Dec 05 2020
Hippie gets 3 months late on rent...So the landlord knocks on his door to let him know heβs being evicted
He opens the door and tells him βNamasteβ.
π︎ 12
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︎ Dec 25 2020
Yesterday someone hit me with a bottle of Omega-3 pills
Luckily, my wounds were only super fish oil
π︎ 62
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︎ Dec 07 2020
What do you call a pig with 3 eyes?
π︎ 49
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Holiday to-do list: 1) shoot the family 2) hang the kids 3) frame the wife
$129.95 at JC Penny Portrait and Framing Studio
π︎ 12
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︎ Dec 07 2020
I bought my nephew 3 socks for Xmas.
As my sister in law said, he'd grown another foot this year.
π︎ 17
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︎ Dec 27 2020
So proud of my 3 year old daughter... her first dad joke. βHey Dad, why did the duck cross the road?β
Because the chicken had the day off.
Neither my wife or I have any idea where she heard this. And she isnβt divulging her sources. Hilarious.
Edit: The first joke sheβs told in general. And happened to be a dad joke. :-)
π︎ 676
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︎ Oct 01 2020
Since they are filming Spider-Man 3 near my house, I thought Iβd write the lead actor an orchestral piece...
I think Iβll call it βMr. Hollandβs Opusβ
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 05 2021
There is a species of frog that can jump higher than a 3 story house
This is due to the frog's incredibly strong hind legs, and the fact that a house can't jump.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jan 05 2021
3 unwriten rules of life..
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Goldilocks, running from the 3 bears, finds herself in a dead end with nothing but a bag of ice. Papa bear is Drunk and scary. What happens next?
A Goldy-smack with a cold sack in a cul de sac, which is more than a bear with beer could bare.
π︎ 3
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︎ Dec 16 2020
How did Mary know baby Jesus was 6 lbs. 3 oz. at birth?
She gave him a weigh in a manger.
π︎ 22
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︎ Dec 21 2020
3 yr old grandson says, "Papa, where's my sword?"
Papa, "What colour is it?"
3 yr old, "Blue."
Papa, "Where did you see it last?"
3 yr old: "In my hand."
Endless entertainment!
Edit: formatting
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 31 2020
What do you get when you eat 3.14 cakes?
You get fat. What, were you expecting a pi joke? Reddit doesnβt have pie days!
π︎ 12k
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︎ Jun 18 2020
I got dad joked by my 3 year old daughter at dinner today: "Hey do you have a bun?" I asked her.
"NO I WANT A WHOLE BUN"
She's well on her way to being the dad I never had
π︎ 13
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︎ Nov 19 2020
My almost 3 year old just dad joked my wife
My wife told my almost three year old son that they would be making Christmas cookies with frosting. My son then said he didnβt like frosting. When my wife asked why, he said it was because the frosting would βstingβ him.
Frosting. Frost-sting.
Iβm so proud of him.
π︎ 13
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︎ Dec 17 2020
There are 3 rings in a failed marriage:
Engagement ring
Wedding ring
And suffering...
π︎ 12
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︎ Nov 27 2020
I just read most auto accidents occur within 3 miles from home.
Thatβs it weβre moving!
π︎ 9
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Why do cow milking stools have only 3 legs?
Cuz the Cow's got the udder!
π︎ 193
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︎ Oct 25 2020
My wife and I have 3 beautiful children...
And 3 out of 5 ain't bad.
π︎ 34
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︎ Dec 06 2020
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 29 2020
I havenβt showered for 3 months
I donβt know why Iβd be in the shower that long, just think of the water bill thatβd make!
π︎ 28
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︎ Nov 23 2020
My ADHD medicine comes in a case shaped like a 3-sided polygon where each side is the same size, and the pills are distributed uniformly.
It's an equal Adderall triangle.
π︎ 35
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︎ Dec 01 2020
3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with.
So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
π︎ 55
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︎ Oct 20 2020
My 3 year old's first joke
What's wobbly in the sky
A jellycopter
Not the best execution, but I'm happy he's joining the tradition of bad jokes
π︎ 11k
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︎ Jun 02 2020
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are Ο-rates.
π︎ 55
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︎ Nov 04 2020
How did Santa's reindeer look when they got 3 piece tailored suits?
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 09 2020
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell in a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.
The woman asked the doctor about the baby.
The doctor: Congratulations. You had twins, both boys. They're both fine. And your brother named them a for you.
Woman: No. No. No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name them?
Doctor: He named one of them Pete, after your deceased father as he told me.
Woman: Oh that's actually a very nice name. What did he name the other boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs RePete.
π︎ 83
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︎ Dec 02 2020
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Donβt mind him. He is just a product of our times.
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Aug 12 2020
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