(Un)arranged Marriage Puns

I'm from South Asia and most of the marriages here are arranged

I see so many comments like "Arranged marriage isn't the problem" in many marriage related posts. I know they're mostly used in context of compatibility of couples, but that got me into thinking... Isn't arranged marriage the main reason caste system passes down generations after generations?

If people could easily marry outside their caste, then people wouldn't be so segregated in the first place. Also, caste is still a big deal because it's the most important factor in marriages, so marriaged couple of same caste will pass that mentality to the next generation.

I just find it surprising that such a casteist practice is seen as good thing by even progressive people in this sub.

(NOTE - I'm not talking about average Indians here, but people of this sub, who are quite open-minded / Liberal compared to average Indians.)

I'm 27M and Naku matches chustunnaru.So telisinde ga arranged marriages lo peddaga lag cheyyadalu undavu ani...they just see social status, caste, money,jathakam and beauty of the SO. so aa person mentality ento teliyadaniki takkuva time lo em adigithe easy ga telusukovacho cheppandi. Normal things like hobbies, intrests , fav. movies , lantivi kakunda..what can I ask to know thier mentality and get to know more about them. Ma frnds chala mandi arranged marriages cheskunnaru and some of them regret as their wife's turn out to be nagging bitches (ma frnds anna maatalu). So Naku bayam aitondi ...ippudu marriage cheskuni repu na pellam gayyali lekka tayaru avthademo ani...like ma frnds wife's kuda starting lo chala paddathiga behave chesevallu..but as time passed like some 6 months problems started , love decreased , and roju godavale for silly silly things that are easily manageable. So how to avoid such people and what should I ask my matches to get to know them better.

Intha daka chadivithe thx. Chala mandi arranged marriage cheskuntaru..so ee post most ppl ki help avtadi kanuka ekkuv responses vachela cheyyandi. Tq.

Arranged as in your parents recommend you the prospective groom and there are no questions about what the relationship will lead to. The end game is marriage. You do date and get to know each other in the months before the marriage which is normally around 5 months.

Ive have had to struggle with the idea of getting an arranged marriage for a while now. I've been telling my family I don't want one, and that I especially don't want to marry who they want me to marry (a cousin of mine). However, I've also been in a relationship for three years with someone I love and don't want to leave. I have no one to turn to in my family because they all want this to happen. I don't want to leave my partner, and I'm breaking down about the situation I'm in.

Edit: Im and American Muslim, they want me to got to the Middle East (not gonna specify). I know running is an option but, Im in university and don't really have anywhere else to go. I've explained that I don't want to be put into something that I will hate for the rest of my life, and they just say i won't hate it.

Edit 2: Im sorry I haven't responded to any comments but i have read through them all. Thank you all for your advice, I honestly didn't expect this much. My family plans to have me married after I finish undergrad, but I of course will want to be financially independent by that point. They don't pay for my tuition and I have it covered, so it won't be an issue to be cut off. My only worries are having to separate from my family and the sadness my mother will go through because I am closest with her. The actual act of leaving is a scary thought but it is something I will do if my situation doesn't improve. I've made a point I will never marry my cousin specifically so that they hopefully spend time finding someone else. Although I think of myself as a sanguine individual I think I'll probably end up seeing a free therapist and or counselor when I get back to college because I've been anxious and uneasy almost constantly the last few days and I don't know if it will improve back at college. Thank you again for your support, especially those who shared your experiences. I won't give up.

Sorry for another arranged marriage question. I’m trying to ask around and get as many opinions as possible on this because tbh…I’m unsure if I’m justified in my feelings.

Anyways, I’m a female in my mid 20s, and parents are wanting me to meet guys for marriage, especially because a lot of my peers are getting married, or are rapidly heading in that direction. Heck, my cousin who only is a couple of years older just had twins. One guy they showed me doesn’t have anything wrong with him per se, like he seems cute and whatnot, but the fact that he’s 5/6 years older makes me feel sort of unsure about it all (he’s in his early 30s).

Tbh, if he were closer to my age, I would’ve felt way more excited about it all, but I’m feeling a lot of hesitancy about him, so I’m not sure why his age is making me hesitate so much. It’s not like I’m 18 and fresh out of HS while this guy is 23/24 and in the workforce with a college degree. So half a decade shouldn’t matter at this point right? I think I’m worried about getting judged for turning down a perfectly fine guy for being X many years older than I’d like.

If it makes a difference, I’ve never had a serious relationship before, unless you count the 3 first dates I’ve been on in the past. I was also still in the “under 25” category when COVID started, so I’m struggling a lot with feeling like I lost out on my early/mid 20s and the experiences that come with it. I guess given all these things, I would much rather experience things with someone also in their 20s.

Anyways, what should I do? Should I give it a go? Is it silly that I feel this way?

The custom of arranged marriage calls for selection of a mate using un natural criteria (caste, formal education level, race, financial status etc)

In japji sahib. Its written that we must listen to hukam.

however in an arranged marriage we are listening to everyone (parents, grandparents, society etc) instead of akal purakhs hukam that comes in our heart.

How can one call themselves a sikh and not listen to hukam?

Its because of hukam that we dont cut our hair. However we get hukams all the time. Their is not just one hukam that makes a sikh. We exoerience hukams all day and night. Sikh is one who follows hukams. manmat is when you listen to others instead of following hukam. sikhi gives you anand, manmat will give you pain.

I mean all of them, Duggar kids, Bates, others I can’t remember because it 5 am. I’m curious to see who seems to be truly happy.

I am starting to talk with a girl for arranged marriage. We have met once, went for coffee and spent about 1 hour talking about family, career and stuffs. Few fb chats also.

Should I ask her about past relationship? Does it even matter? Is it better if I know earlier about her past relationship? I doubt if she tells the truth but should I stay away from these things or just ask guff-gaff garda? Any experience you guys have? About me, I didn't have any past relation with girl, so simple :)

Also, if you have done arrange marriage, what are the things you would ask to get the most out of time spent with her?

The guy my parents introduced me to is kind of conservative and religious and when I talked to him over the phone I always felt uncomfortable talking to him because of the vibe he gave off. Due to that, I had to block his number and social media. This happened couple of months ago. I noticed that the guy still talks to my family because his family and my family are very close to each other. But recently I started to notice that this guy asks my grandma what I am doing and where I am going which is starting to make me feel annoyed and uncomfortable because he doesn't seem to respect my personal space and boundaries. Yesterday when I was getting ready to go to college he was asking my grandma when I am going out and I had to take the phone away from her and ask him why does he want to know about my business and he said that he is just interested to know what I am doing. My grand ma and the rest of the family just tells me to let him be and my mom defends him by saying that he is a nice and caring guy. I am not feeling safe at all. On top of that I have severe mental health issues and I don't wanna be in a relationship anytime soon. I would appreciate it if someone here can give me useful advice on how to cope with that situation.

I come from a cultural background where arranged marriages are normal. However, I lived in the UK and while arranged marriages had happened in my family in the past, it was much more common for my relatives to marry for love. So, I always thought I would have the option when it came time for me to get married. However, I ended up being forced to marry my current husband.

Long story short:

I used to date my husband during university. He broke up with me a year after we graduated. He then wanted to get back together 3 years later but I said no. We did have a ONS though and had a pregnancy scare. He wanted us to get married because he thought I was pregnant but I refused. He then went to my uncle (who raised me) and my uncle, to my shock and horror, agreed to an arranged marriage even though my husband isn’t exactly from my culture (I think his grandmother was from the same country as my ancestors but he doesn’t follow the culture at all and only used the whole arranged marriage thing to get his way and my uncle is someone who was really against marrying an “outsider” so I never saw it coming). I refused but my uncle basically told me I had no choice and I would marry him. I was furious and I was making plans to runaway a few days before the wedding. I told my cousin Dina which was a mistake because she betrayed my trust and told everyone and now I’m married.

Now the shoe is on the other foot and Dina is supposed to be having an arranged marriage. She doesn’t work and never continued her studies because she was always onboard with the whole arranged marriage/housewife life plan that is common in our culture. However, she isn’t happy with the person her dad found for her. She wants to runaway because she originally agreed and now her dad is refusing to cancel the wedding as he feels it will embarrass the family. Dina reached out to me and asked me if when I come to the UK for her wedding (in two weeks) if I would help her runaway and/or if she could come and live with me temporarily.

I told her no because I’m still angry at her for betraying me the way she did. This was petty of me but I told her I didn’t think my husband would approve or give me permission to help her. She’s been begging me to change my mind and said she’s desperate and knows how awful what she did was and she regrets it every day. Our other cousin (me, her and Dina were all super close growing up) has also been contacting me and basically yelling at me for refusing to help Dina and ke

If this happened to you or someone you know, please spill the tea.

I always wondered why men chose the avenue of arranged marriage, selecting who their mothers picked for them instead of becoming independent, leveling up, becoming HVM, and potentially finding dream girl/HVW!

These men would rather secure family inheritance, honor, comfort, and assets over the chance of mutually fulfilling, spiritually bonding love (and sex) with DreamGirl! I mean, yeah, it requires work to level up and be a virtuous man! Anything good will require work and sacrifice. But such men whine, bitch, and complain that they’re not happy and they’re not free once they realize they married whom their parents wanted, that they don’t even like. Time to get some accountability for your actions, you manbaby!

Is the explanation for this solely patriarchy? Or is there more to the story? Emotional blackmail? Oppressive cultural norms? Is it a cultural cycle that is difficult to break through?

I was under the impression that men from such cultures, especially the high value ones, will rise up, be resilient, break away from parents’ totalitarian control, and become independent of oppressive values, especially once these men and their families have immigrated to Western countries....

So, i didn't knew it would turn out like this.. I was married to a college boy when I was 19 and he is not even here. It's a marriage of business convenience for our parents. Sex with him is non existent since he studies in honk Kong and travel here for few weeks every few month. I have to tag alone with his mom who is cool and loving and pretty. But I feel like my first year of marriage is wasted. The romance which I should've got from him is nonexistent. Can't believe I would've been married off in an arranged pact.

This is strictly considering people's experience with their therapists. I'll be looking for a change soon (because of insurance and what new company pays for etc.) but wanted to know if this was a challenge to anyone here. Thanks!

Edit : Non Desi*

So being lonely as fuck I (26M) asked my parents and sisters to find a girl for me . My eldest sister found a really great girl in her neighborhood.my sister talked about marriage to the girl's mom so the girl's family including that girl knows my name , looked me up in social media and stuff . So i was going through her instagram and I had no malicious intentions at all and I being the sojo fuck I am went ahead and liked her one picture and reacted to her story. Lo and behold I got blocked. I don't have any grudge against her. Maybe i should not have done that. So folks if you are in the arranged marriage market don't repeat my mistake.

Edit: I have realized I have made a mistake by approaching her like that. Many people in the comments have hinted to me being an incel kinda guy , I am not. But given my circumstances I think arranged marriage seems like a good idea for me. Whatever fits you , fits you. Read my last line. Thats a man who has realized his mistake. I was little desperate and that got me bad.

As the title says , she divorced and left abroad to her new husband after more than 20 years of marriage and two children.

For me atleast it came out of blue and I shut myself to her , she was horrible , she just left us all hanging here even my sister who was still in school at that time , I was in collage.

Because of her my dad had to change the house come to the place where I had my collage as my sister needed support and we managed in a good way.

Now I am 25 with a great job , dad is retired and sister is on her way to become a doctor.

I never talked to her since she had gone , I mean I talked but just hi , happy birthday etc . Just like a far relative. Now she came back to India ( where I live ) met me and my sister and cried and said she can't live without us and that I and her please talk to her more as she needs us .

I am still not talking where as her ways of messaging and calls have changed , she is lot more into talking .

Sister and I are silent, dad says to forgive her , but it's not only about that its about her wanting to be my mother while she wasn't a mother or deserving of that post. She is back now that we are all mentally stable and are almost over her .

Who all have been in this situation? How have you handled it ? Therapy helps yeah that is there .

TL;DR! My 25M mother 50+F left me my dad 60 and my sister 20F because she was unhappy with the arranged marriage and went abroad in 2014 I never talked to her since and she wants me back in her life.

So, it is not my intention to end up in arranged marriage. But, at the same time. Dating and maintain relationship with SO has been tough for me. Atleast in college I was always studying and had no idea. Now out of college, I feel like its going to be the same story. Idk, its tough, so many things in life to do and not enough time so some parts are going to be sacrificed I guess. I am 22 now so yes maybe I can find someone to be in relationship with or something, but online dating sucks for me and I'm so busy all the time now... And I know without me taking initiative and putting in a lot of time something like this won't fall in my lap

Basically what the title says; early-20's F and my parents are looking for a spouse for me. I'm pretty neutral on an getting an arranged marriage, but it appears to include like a marriage resume (?) with my info and a matchmaker and stuff; it's a lot and I just feel embarrassed about the process. I grew up in the U.S. and there aren't many Muslims (or non-white people tbh) in my area so even though it's a thing in my extended family, I'm personally not used to the idea. Some of the Muslim people I do know found someone they loved, so it wasn't arranged for them. I'm also not familiar with this process at all either so overall I just feel kinda embarassed about the whole thing (like "mom and dad had to find me a partner, I couldn't even do that on my own".) Although, I see the perks of an arranged marriage, so that's why I'm not entirely against going through my parents either.

Has anyone else (preferably who grew up in the U.S.) had an arranged marriage and how did the process go? Or are you going through an arranged marriage process right now?

**Please do not PM me!**

I am going insane & have no one to discuss this with. Arranged marriages are very common where I live. My parents passed on my contact details to this guy in Mar 2020 & he initiated the conversation with me. We spoke for 4.5 months on calls, met once and got engaged. Got married 3 mos after getting engaged that’s in Dec 2020. Life was good, we seemed to get along. He told me about a girl he wanted to date years ago but nothing happened since she was with another guy at the time. 1 year after getting married, I caught my husband starting at her WhatsApp DP while sitting in the bathroom. I probed further and found out multiple other pics of her in his phone. Later on, I also found out that he told one of his friends in Nov 2019 that he was in love with this girl. They worked in the same office for around 2 years post which he had to relocate to a different city but he used to travel on weekends to meet her and a few of his other friends (her city is 700 km away from his). This was not years ago as he told me, this was just a few months ago before he contacted me. I trusted this guy blindly but I feel very very uneasy now. I can’t sleep properly and can’t focus on my work. I did confront him and asked why he was staring at her pictures and he said ‘just like that, I wanted to see her’ I don’t know what to make out of it. Any advice would be highly appreciated.

Edit - spelling, grammar

Here with a very India-only problem as you must have guessed it from the title. So the first question is that has anyone here 'rationally' been able to explain to their parents that you are absolutely not ready for marriage right now? There are bigger things to achieve and definitely a trophy husband is not one of them! My dad keeps giving bullshit logic like there's a certain age to get married, biological clock, must get married in time so that you can marry your kid before you turn really really old (What?) and yes, I must marry someone that they choose for me because apparently it's a test of their 'parvarish'. The moment a rational point from my side hits the discussion, it obviously becomes an argument.

I absolutely don't want to get married right now. I want to pursue higher studies, preferably abroad. Oh, and did I tell you about the part where I have a long term partner (7 years) that my parents refuse to even discuss because it's an inter caste alliance and obviously our Kundli doesn't match! ( Apparently my partner is a womanizer according to his kundli, someone who's been with me for 7 years now /s)

So, Reddit, the gist is that I don't want to get married rn, want to pursue higher studies and marry my partner ( if and when that happens). Do you have any advice on how to knock some sense into my folks? Or have some ninja techniques to share that work here? Please help this girl!

TL;DR : Help me convince my very traditional dad that I absolutely don't want to get married right now!

I’m approaching 30 fast, the entirety of my 20s I’ve spent chasing FI (money) to RE as soon as possible. I’m 80% into the FI process and took RE 7 months ago because I am confident in the passive income sources I’ve set up to finish the last mile in the FI journey.

I’ve decided to go the arranged marriage route (personal decision don’t probe me for it) obviously it won’t be blind, I’m willing to spend a few months knowing each other before I tie the knot and commit myself.

I’m starting to regret RE. After initial talks from the matrimonial sites, when we move on to in person meeting, the parents of the girl flat out reject citing the RE part. I don’t want to start relations on lies so I’ve always been straightforward with them. The sheer fact that they’d be marrying a girl with someone who doesn’t want to work anymore and wants to laze around scares them to no end, and honestly I get their pov too.

What should I do here?

Before someone calls me regressive, let me make i clear that arranged marriages are not forced marriages. You get to decide what type of partner you want and it's the people getting married that get to decide if they want to go ahead with the wedding.

I personally think arranged marriages are awesome. There is zero expectation of sex before marriage because most families are against premarital sex, so as a woman I don't have to worry about a guy pressurizing me for sex. You not only get high value men, but also a high value man who actually is interested in marriage and kids.

I really think the dating scene is frustrating and not worth the emotional pain and trauma it leaves you with after a heart break.

Never liked this trope before but recently I read Mistborn Era 2 and found myself really enjoying the relationship between (spoilers for Era 2) >!Wax and Steris!<. I don’t think it was executed amazingly (love Sanderson, don’t love his romances) but I’m now interested if there’s any fantasy books with a great execution of this type of relationship.

I’m not looking for a super angsty hate-to-love arranged marriage, more like one where the characters are neutral about each other/don’t know each other before their marriage but end up falling in love.

Any good recommendations for this?

My parents.

Me (19 going to be 20) and My boyfriend (22) and I have been together for almost 9 months, I have known him and were friends for the last 3 years, then in 2021 we confessed our feelings and got into a relationship. I love him, Loveee him, he's everything I want, need and love and he feels the same Bout me. Whenever Im with him, everything is better, he is mature, supportive and will help me through all my struggles and vice versa. We are always there for each other no matter what.

Both our parents are conservative and orthodox and our community has only Arranged Marriages 80 % of the time which is the norm. If they get to know all hell will break loose. My phone will be taken away, I wont get to go out anywhere, etc.,. Now, I love my boyfriend and he loves me, and the last 9 months were the best, we did have big fights but they would last for a day max, then we would say sorry, try to communicate better and figure it out.

Our community believes in ARRANGED MARRIAGE and you should get MARRIED BEFORE 25. Slowly love marriages do get accepted, but its still kinda taboo. My parents will agree, once im 23 /24, but he doesnt have that much time as his parents want him to get married ASAP.

Now the issue - His parents are mentally tourturing him to get married cuz in our community they start looking for prospects by 23 and get married by 25 otherwise something must be wrong with you (my community is fucked up), he has been fighting with them, but his grandparents are telling him that they would like to see their grandson get married before they pass away. He says he doesnt know what to do, He cant tell them about me cuz, Im only 19 right now and I dont wanna get married and my parents will kill me, if they get to know. I know I can convince my parents when I'll be 22 or 23, but he cant wait until then cuz he will be 25/26 which in our community is a very late age to get married ( I know its fucked up, i hate my community, it sucks so much) and the people in our society will think something is wrong with you. What do I do?

Yep, he was as polite as possible though. I definitely know its because of my unfortunate genetics. After this, my mom took all of her anger and frustration regarding this out on me for being ugly. She made me feel unworthy, i know ill remain single forever but in my culture, there is huge pressure on girls to get married atleast by their mid twenties. People often act like arranged marriage is an easy solution but its not, im the proof that you can still face rejection by arranged one, or else he will remain bitter all his life. Unfortunately, as an ugly girl my only hope is arranged marriage, who is going to love an ugly girl like me. Only pretty girls get loved, meanwhile less attractive girls have no choice but to go for arranged marriage, even those tend to be more traditional and abusive as opposed to love ones. So what choice do i have?

Most of the books I have read where the Marriage of convenience or forced or arranged marriage trope is present, the MMC is just SUPER busy being an utter jerk to the FMC while SHE'S the one trying to make things work out or trying to be nice to him or just SUFFER because her husband is HORRID to her! Not yackying on anyone yum but I hated most of them. I just can't bear it when the Male Lead is not nice to the Female Lead. I just CAN'T!

The books I have read with the Marriage of convenience or forced or arranged marriage trope are:

• The Devil in Winter by Lisa Kleypas [HR. Marriage of Convenience. The MMC wasn't a jerk to her in this book, he actually attended to her needs a lot. So this is one of the few ones I read with the FMC not suffering.]
• The Unwanted Wife by Natasha Anders [Contemporary. This is a bit complicated because MMC believes that FMC trapped him or something like that but that does NOT give him the right to treat her as he had. I didn't hate it mostly because the whole book was about him grovelling. I did not have to read through his mistreatment of her.]
• Kiss an Angel by Susan Elizabeth Phillips [Contemporary. I DESPISE this book. The MMC straight up told her one time that he had no respect for her. He tormented her from beginning to end EVEN THOUGH the FMC was trying to make it work ALL THE TIME! She was trying to be kind and he kept SNAPPING at her!]
• The Duchess Deal by Tessa Dare [HR. Marriage of convenience. Again, she was the one always reaching out and everything and the MMC just kept moving away! Why is it that it is ALWAYS the FMC who's trying to make it work?]
• Ruthless People by J.J. McAvoy [Mafia Romance. Contemporary. He was a chauvinistic PIG at the beginning but he changed pretty soon so I'm fine. Besides the FMC was ruthless in this one so I'm TOTALLY fine.]
• The Day of the Duchess by Sarah MacLean [HR. More of a second chance romance but when they were forced to marry he treated her ABOMINABLY and even cheated on her... He believed she trapped him... which she did but THERE ARE EXPLANATIONS which he REFUSED to listen to... like an immature 5 year old.]
• Fierce Heart by Tara Grayce [Fantasy romance. YA. Arranged Marriage. THIS is actually the ONLY book I read where they BOTH put in equal effort! Neither of them are mean or unfaithful or anything like! They are both trying to find ways to be helpful to each other and stuff. Also, the MMC is an Elf p

I've gotten so many amazing recs from this community now here I am asking for more.

I've realized my favorite dynamic in romance is when someone is put into a situation with someone they wouldn't have chosen for themselves and they. Make. That. Shit. Work. Following that, some of my favorite tropes are arranged marriages, marriages of convience, huddling for warmth, fake dating... The problem I keep encountering is that enemies to lovers doesn't work for me and that seems to feature prominently in the things I want to read. A few examples of books I loved: Radiance, I Temporarily Do, Strange Love, Cotillion (I was shocked by how much I loved this because I normally won't go near clean romance).

Things I would like but I'm flexible about:

• The spicier the better.
• I prefer M/F or F/F.
• If age gap is a part of the story, I prefer older women.
• I'm good with any time period and any romantic subgenre (alien/human, regency, contemporary, etc.)
• A hero who doesn't have dark hair? Not that I have an issue with dark haired men but there seems to be a lot of them in romance. Where are the blonds and gingers? 😂

Hey guys so I’ve been talking to this girl for a year now and we both were very compatible in nearly every way and I love her a lot. I’m a romantic person in general. I met her when I came to Pakistan on a trip and our families got along amazingly and are very similar where they grew up and sects and everything matches. I never thought something like this would happen but it ended up like it was meant to be. The family is so super sweet people and kind. They want to have our Nikkah very soon almost within a week within the families meeting and wedding afterwards after some preparation.

I don’t know much about Pakistan as I haven’t grown up here but I really want to do something romantic for her. I always dreamt of that dream western style proposal but I wasn’t able to due to the length of my trip and the speed of everything. Right now it just seems everything is happening so fast and I haven’t had the chance to make it special and the families want a very basic nikkah. Is this the norm here?

I feel so bad because we’re both romantic individuals and I’d love to make it special around this time and make her feel that way.

Please any advice is greatly appreciated.

How true are the horror stories you hear about arranged marriages? Are they mostly exaggerations or are most of the arranged marriages really that exhausting?

Hi there, I am posting on behalf of a friend looking for some advice on how to deal with the pressure of finding a husband when she does not feel ready to marry.

For context, she moved to the UK from India a few years ago and is currently in a good job, living independently and has no desire to marry. She is 27 and has been feeling increasing pressure from her parents to move back to India and marry, to the point she’s started to feel extremely anxious and avoids speaking to her family as she knows it will inevitably lead to a conversation around this. They are being emotionally manipulative and she fears being cut off from her family if she refuses to cooperate.

I am from the UK, so it’s easy for me to say “follow your heart, put yourself first, don’t marry just to please your parents” without truly understanding the consequences. I apologise if any of this comes across as judgemental or culturally insensitive, I understand arranged marriages can work out very well for all parties, but this is not what she chooses for herself. I just know it’s constantly on her mind and is not at all what she wants (she wants to stay in the UK, do some travelling, work on her career and find someone and marry for true love when the time is right).

I wondered if anyone could offer any advice or words of encouragement, or perhaps resources/support groups where she could speak to anyone who has experienced similar difficulties.

Hello all! Something I always crave in romance, especially historical, is when there is a wedding scene and the couple actually likes each other (or have some build up of affection)! And then at least some portion of the book is spent as actual spouses. I just love when there is a wedding in a book, but the couple have some level of affection for each other rather than animosity or indifference.

It is something I find quite difficult to determine if a book has, however, because they usually only mention a marriage definitely occurring in the novel if it happens much earlier due to being arranged or of convenience. Which makes finding novels that have this so hard.

Someone asked a similar question a year ago on this sub, but they also stated they enjoy arranged/convenience marriages and the examples given were of that, so about 50/50 of the replies were about that. I did, however, read all the books that everyone helpfully recommended in that thread that fit what I prefer (I also read some of the other novels, because the other trope is still enjoyable!) Thank you everyone on that thread!

Examples of books that have this that I loved: Secrets of a Summer Night by Lisa Kleypas; The Luckiest Lady in London by Sherry Thomas; Tempt Me at Twilight by Lisa Kleypas; Someone to Wed by Mary Balogh; The Duchess War by Courtney Milan; and The Viscount Who Loved Me by Julia Quinn.

Even if no one has any others to offer, thank you for reading my post and I hope perhaps I am able to help others like me who enjoy this trope! Also sorry if this question has been asked recently and I just couldn’t find it when searching!

Link to the previous related post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/RomanceBooks/comments/jdjrnh/books_where_the_couple_gets_married_early/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

For people who had an arranged marriage, what were the things you did not expect and how did you deal with them?

Here with a very India-only problem as you must have guessed it from the title. So the first question is that has anyone here 'rationally' been able to explain to their parents that you are absolutely not ready for marriage right now? There are bigger things to achieve and definitely a trophy husband is not one of them! My dad keeps giving bullshit logic like there's a certain age to get married, biological clock, must get married in time so that you can marry your kid before you turn really really old (What?) and yes, I must marry someone that they choose for me because apparently it's a test of their 'parvarish'. The moment a rational point from my side hits the discussion, it obviously becomes an argument.

I absolutely don't want to get married right now. I want to pursue higher studies, preferably abroad. Oh, and did I tell you about the part where I have a long term partner (7 years) that my parents refuse to even discuss because it's an inter caste alliance and obviously our Kundli doesn't match! ( Apparently my partner is a womanizer according to his kundli, someone who's been with me for 7 years now /s)

So, Reddit, the gist is that I don't want to get married rn, want to pursue higher studies and marry my partner ( if and when that happens). Do you have any advice on how to knock some sense into my folks? Or have some ninja techniques to share that work here? Please help this girl!

TL;DR : Help me convince my very traditional dad that I absolutely don't want to get married right now!

PS: Also posted in r/India, someone in the comments asked me post here for good advice! My hopes are really high