Apparently he's now completely recovered
But I bought him loafers instead.
It just celebrated its bison-tennial
Surgeons revealed he is now 'fully recovered'.
It's a Languedoc.
A wealthy man and his wife are living together.
One day his wife says to him; "If you really love me, then I expect something that goes from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds parked in our driveway tomorrow!".
The next morning she rushes out the door to find a bathroom scale in the driveway.
That’s why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit.
"Paint my house"
That's one expensive net
Me: $400 and 2 unread messages.
My job involves me giving presentations to large groups of teenagers. Today, I was telling them about different workshops we have on offer, including African drumming and DJ workshops.
So I said - 'I'd love to tell you a bit more about the DJ workshops, but I'd barely scratch the surface.'
Ever seen 200 teenagers groan and roll their eyes? Glorious :D
It was worth more in mint condition.
A bison-tennial.
So my wife got me a scale.
A band named 1023 MB was very sad, they couldn't get a gig.
This is unoriginal, but it has been reposted so many times i can't even pund it anywhere in the web, I even asked my pet spider where it was orginally found.
Pun 1: >!A gigabyte is actually 1024 MB not 1000 MB!<
Pun 2: >!Spiders makes webs idiot.!<
I lost interest in that relationship.
I guess you can say I lost interest in that relationship
They said to press 1 for the money or 2 for the show...
That shit was expensive.
Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?
Me: Holy shit! How about the married ones?
That shit is expensive.
Seems fishy but it's true.
But it was too far fetched.
A biceptennial.
"Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15.
When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs.
When my daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laughs too.
When I get home the parrot says: "Fuck me Pete, haven't seen you for weeks!"
https://imgur.com/a/QDA0hRE
...now, that needs a lot.
They were dropping like flies.
There was concern that they might have died from Avian Flu. An avian pathologist examined the remains of the crows, and to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely not avian flu. The cause of death was vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the birds beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that nearly 96% of the crows had been struck by trucks, while only 4% were car impacts.
The MTA then hired an Ornithological Behavourist to determine the reason for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills vs car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat roadkill, they have a look-out crow nearby to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the look-out crows could shout "Cah!", none could shout "Truck!"
Ain't nobody got thyme for that
Answer: 200 lbs of feathers. Bricks are just bricks. but 200 lbs of feathers, you'll walk around also with the weight of What you did to those birds.
...Doctors say he's now fully recovered
That‘s a really expensive net!
.. doctors say he is now fully recovered.
They said he's fully recovered.
Doctors revelaed he is now ‘fully recovered’.
Happy Bison-tennial!
