My wife and I were really happy for 20 years ...
What did the blonde do when she found out most accidents occur within 20 miles of the home?
What do you call 20 mail trucks going by all at once?
Why do oven instructions always have a nice round number like 400 instead of a random one 20 degrees hotter?
If you couldn't celebrate 4/20 yesterday, you can celebrate it tomorrow instead.
My wife works with birds at the zoo. The other day I asked her about the lifespan of a falcon. She said they usually live for about 15 to 20 years.
"I guess that means all the Millennial Falcons are gone."
Every 20 minutes a man in New York gets robbed.
I have 20 seconds to tell my joke
Damn who keeps taking my silver medals?
Do you know why it's difficult to read what is on my Samsung phone's screen from 20 feet?
Because it's on a Galaxy far, far away.
I've offered my elderly neighbour $20 to try out her stair lift.
I think she's going to take me up on it.
I owed my friend $20 so I gave a few dollars, some loose change, and a few small pieces of fried chicken
(True story): My dad carries a tiny 20$ note in his wallet with him wherever he goes. I asked him why...
(His actual answer): "because you always need to carry a little cash on you."
What's the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak?
I washed a few $20's the other day...
A very angry IRS agent called me and threatened me with serious fines and jail time for committing tax fraud.
I guess they take money laundering very seriously....
Why does nobody want 20/20 Vision?
Because nobody wants to see 2020 again
20 years ago, my girlfriend’s parking brake went out
Our relationship went downhill fast.
My son wanted to glue $20 bills to his belt
I told him that would just be a waist of money
Losing 20£ is easy if you know what you're doing.
I've lost 20% of my sight
I tried to figure out how far 20,000 leagues under the sea actually is.
I found a $20 bill in the parking lot of the grocery store. I asked myself, what would Jesus do?
So I turned it into wine.
20/20 vision
now i’m just mad that there were people with 20/20 vision in 2019 and they didn’t tell us.
The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight
Credit to u/Butterflies_Books
I bet a butcher $20 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf...
He said "Sorry man. The steaks are too high."
South Korean scientists created an artificial star for 20 seconds...
It's a whole new take on Asian Fusion.
A saltwater crocodile can grow up to 20 feet...
A big bear goes into a bar and slaps down a $20 bill and says to the bartender,"give me a gin and................tonic"
The bartender replies, "Why the big paws?"
The inventor of Hard and Shoulders shampoo died. At the funeral, his wife gave a 20 minute moving eulogy...
There wasn't a dry scalp in the place!
I had to wait in line for 20 minutes just to buy some really cheap toilet paper
10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, and 90 walked into a bar
It took me 20 minutes to find the mollusk in my fish tank
It was very well clamoflaged
It shall commence on 4/20
19 and 20 fought yesterday. I was rooting for 19, but alas...
Why is 19 afraid of 20
Because they got in a fight once and 21
Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight …
The numbers 19 and 20 got into a fight
Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight.
Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight
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