Canadian Joke

The history of Canada, Chapter 1: The Beaver

national symbol of Canada and a "dam" fine hat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackFrostintheBox
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do Italians love cooking?

It’s their national pasta-time

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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What kinds of countries do soft drink companies make?

Carbo Nations!

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
We need to add PR, DC, and Guam, as states.

53 is a prime number. Then we can truly be one nation, indivisible.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DubNationAssemble
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Question

Why is today not National ballerina day?

I mean it is 2-2 after all

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πŸ‘€︎ u/taterheadx2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
My first time posting on my cake day!

What nationality is Santa Claus? North Poleish

Merry Christmas!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nbudri
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do bears call people in sleeping bags?

Bearritos.

This was stolen from the NPS Instagram, which you should follow for this and other (real) amazing National Parks facts.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CGciQLIDOFS/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chexmp
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
In recent news, a giant had a troubling discovery when he returned home from work.

After discovering he'd been given a parking ticket, the giant exclaimed in disappointment as he approached his house. This startled a burglar inside, causing him to flee from the property but not before trapping his stubby digit in the door, causing him to leave blood at the scene. Thankfully, the giant's powerful nasal abilities allowed him to aid police as he was able to detected the exact nationality and gender of the robber in question. When interviewed, the giant simplified the story for us by saying,

"Fee, Fie, Foe, Thumb, I smell the blood of an English Man."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
If everyone in the country had a pink Cadillac

We’d have a pink car-nation!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2ndbreakfastfan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexic association.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
How would you describe the US between 2009 - 2016?

An Obama-Nation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/themoreidont
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL that there is one country that has the most well-rested citizens

HyberNation

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πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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If you're looking for sense these days, don't bother.

There is a national coin shortage, after all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevethepirate89
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I showed my friend my pond, including the best fishing spots and the place where the bank drops off...

I wish the First National would stop sending their packages to my pond's address...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
i have a girlfriend from another nation? do you know where she's from?

my imagiNATION

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kenkenthepro06
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
In March we had coughs, colds, Influenza A&B, and Covid-19.

I guess you could say the nations of the world were in a Cold War.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SalmonXenu420
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
All donkeys of the world gathered in a rally and demanded a seperate nation for donkeys

The leader donkey got shot and killed.

Ass-as-a-nation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What country has the best sodas?

The Carbo nation!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fictional country?

Imagine-nation.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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Steve jobs named an apple computer - Lisa; the same name as his daughter. Do you know what Lisa stood for?

The National Anthem

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrakeVader
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Prussia forced to leave the First Schleswig War?

They were Pruss-ured by other nations.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hello-i-am-fox
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a new type of broom out

Its sweeping the nation and the competition

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Russell_Pinto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the news about the shovel? It's ground breaking. But the broom?

That really swept the nation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s a new type of broom out

it’s sweeping the nation.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do bears call people in sleeping bags?

Bearritos.

This was stolen from the NPS Instagram, which you should follow for this and other (real) amazing National Parks facts.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CGciQLIDOFS/

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ford456fgfd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexic Association

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noxxicityy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you seen that new broom?

It’s Sweeping the nation!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What does DNA stand for?

National dyslexia association

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gqwr87
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the bug activist who was happy he was fired?

He was for Termite Nation.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alphabluewolf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know what DNA stands for?

National Dyslexic Association

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArceusLord13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about that new broom that stands on its own?

It’s sweeping the nation

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about that new awesome broom everyone is talking about?

It’s sweeping the nation.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking,

but the invention of the broom swept the nation.

πŸ‘︎ 425
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryyi23
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2016
🚨︎ report
We need to add three more states to the United States of America

53 states would make it a prime number; One nation, indivisible.

πŸ‘︎ 978
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BradC
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2017
🚨︎ report
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking, but...

the invention of the broom really swept the nation.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Canooter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
We Need to Add PR, DC, and Guam as states.

53 is a Prime Number.

We then would truly be one nation, indivisible

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm going to start a country for people who are into peeing on/getting peed on other people.

I'll call it the urine nation

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new hi-tech broom?

It's sweeping the nation

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MclovinCanada
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report

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