Me: “Oh, I wish I’d listened to my mother” Friend: “Why? What’d she tell you?”
Me: “I don’t know, I wasn’t listening”
Me: Can you tell me what ‘pourquoi‘ means? Wife: ‚why‘
Me: because I really want to know
At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?"
Inmate: It’s bec..
Officer: Yes?
Inmate: I think I have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
Husband asks his wife “Why don’t you tell me when you have an orgasm?”
Wife says “Because I don’t like calling you when you’re at work”
When I was young my mom would tear out the last page of all my comics. She wouldn't tell me why.
I had to draw my own conclusions.
(My Grandma called me just to tell me this one): Why did the farmer bury a lightbulb?
He wanted to grow a power plant
My friend keeps telling me to cheer up man, it could be worse. You could stuck underground in a hole full of water
Why can't you tell the Mandalorian a joke about his helmet?
It always goes over his head.
Why shouldn't you tell any secrets in a cornfield ?
Don't tell me you're gonna pork Marlene Desmond
https://preview.redd.it/vtdt7snrx6271.jpg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=02206bbcb186832a7f67d4ab7e481eee1f7fc92b
Can someone please tell me what the lowest rank in the Army is???
Every time I ask someone, they tell me "it's private."
A dating profile said “Tell me you’re vaccinated”
So my first message to her was “You’re vaccinated.”
Why should you never tell a joke in Jonestown?
Everyone dies after a punch line.
So, you're telling me a retail job doesn't mean...
....putting tails back on animals.
Why do dentists never tell a lie?
They value the tooth above all else
I don’t know why people get mad at others for telling Dick jokes
My roommate keeps telling me why I keep the room at 90°
I keep telling him that it's "just right"
We have a decent sized backyard and I wanted the kids to experience hide and seek at a new level. I hired a carpenter and puzzle author to set up some walls and let me tell you, what they did...
My girlfriend said :- You got vasectomy without even telling me . Are you serious ?
I said :- I am not kidding you
I got an email the other day telling me how to read maps backwards.
Turns out it was just spam.
Dad, can you tell me the fastest way to the ocean?
While at a restaurant, the waitress was totally flirting with me with my wife present. After she walked away, my wife said “She obviously has COVID!” “Why would you think that?” I asked.
“Because she has no taste.”
If you tell me your dad jokes
I'll say "yo mama jokes better than him"
Can an Admin tell me why my post was removed? It was very inconvenient... My whole fence fell down
Dune tell me you don't like this pun
I was going to tell you a time travelling joke
I hate it when my wife tells me I'm lazy.
I didn't do anything to deserve it.
I wish my kid would listen to me when I tell him about the dangers of Russian Roulette
It goes in one ear and out the other.
Why did the lumberjack tell his dog to cross the road?
So he could get bark.
My 11yo daughter claims she just made this joke up.
My son asked me today, “why didn’t the head go to prom?”
Me: “why?”
Son: “Because he had noBODY to dance with”
He’s ten and says he came up with it on his own. I’m so proud.
Somebody tried to tell me that "S" was the most evil letter.
My Chemistry Teacher keeps telling me that sulphuric acid should never be left in a metal beaker..
..it's an oxidant waiting to happen.
My 6 year old wanted me to share his joke with you all. What is a horses favorite store?
My ex-wife called to tell me that “my son” was arrested for setting a house on fire.
Can an administrator tell me why my post was taken down?
Because my fence has fallen down.
A Man in a hotel has trouble finding his room, goes down to the front desk and asks ' Excuse me, can you tell me what room I'm in please ? '
Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.
I wanted to tell you another chemistry joke,
But all the good one’s argon.
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
How can you tell if a train has gone by recently?
It leaves its tracks
(Told to me by my dad many moons ago)
I would tell you a UDP joke...
But you probably wouldn't get it.
My dad constantly tells me I'll never amount to anything because I always procrastinate.
I'll show him. Just you wait.
Edit: Goodness, that blew up. My first awards, too!
I want to send out individual replies to thank everyone who gave me an award. I might do it later.
son: dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?
Why don't you ever see elephants hiding behind trees?
Because they are good at it
My wife left me for a tractor salesman, and she didn't even tell me in person.
She just wrote me a John Deere letter.
My dad was telling me how much he hated elevators.
He told me he always took steps to avoid them.
My parents always tell me their world doesn’t revolve around me...
so I guess that means I’m not actually their sun.
My friend kept telling me I have no power
I'd tell you a chemistry joke...
... but I know i wouldn't get a reaction.
My son turned 18 and told me not to tell him anymore dad jokes
At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?"
Inmate: It’s bec..
Officer: Yes?
Inmate: I think I have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can I please finish my sentence?!
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
Boy : "Dad, could you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"
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