Years & Years Puns

WOW.

He said he was in the desert with his camels.

He directly drinks from the bottle.

My daughter said, "that makes them the founding feathers, dad."

I've never been so proud.

Then the next 18 telling them to sit down & shut up!

Haven't seen anyone post all year!

(Happy New Year from Australia everyone!)

A mosquito can fly but a fly can't mosquito.

My 11 year old daughter told me this one this evening lol.

Me: Thats very sad. Venice the funeral?

(Please excuse my poor english as it is not my first language)

Edit: I am not a dad, I am a 15 year old teen
Edit 2: Thank you u/Mnt2bdaddy for the wholesome award.

and the box said 2-4 years!

2022 won’t be arriving for at least a year.

Me, "I dunno, what?"

Her, "The fabric of space time!"

She told me that while we were watching the new years show at the space needle lol.

His “first wife”

(They’ve been married 43 years)

That way you will start off the new year on the right foot

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...

Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'

Because they have no Seoul.

Edit: Thanks for the support and for my first award everyone! I can’t take credit for the joke itself as a friend who passed a number of years made it up in high school, but I’m sure he’d be ecstatic to see the number of updoots and laughter it’s brought.

She got out after 5 years and I had to serve the remaining 5.

We always finish each others sentences.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

So you can start the New Year off on the right foot

Edit: Thanks for the silver

That's the year that Toto blessed the rains there.

They "Goo Goo" it.

[This joke provided courtesy of my seven-year old.]

MOOING GUM.................................................................. My 8 year old told me this and I'm curious as to how many up votes it gets, if you don't like it please down vote without any bad feelings .

My 11 year old to my 9 year old, as we drive by a cemetery on a hill : "i wonder why they bury people in a hill."

9 year old, in total deadpan: "because they're dead."

... I haven't peed since last year!"

I couldn't be more proud

Sitting down having dinner with my wife and girls (1,3,4) and my three year old says “Do you know what my baby does?!” And she made her doll do a backflip on the table. And almost as if instinct, I said “well do you know what my baby does?! MY BABY TAKES THE MORNING TRAIN...” and I hit them with the whole of Sheena Eastons song during dinner.

It was perfect.

So my dad's telling my relatives the story of how my mom was in labor for 12 hours so they named me 'Laura' which if you say it in Vietnamese accent it's 'Lau-ra' which means "Long time to come out"...

IMAGINE FINDING OUT AFTER 21 YEARS YOUR NAME IS A FUCKING PUN ..

A deodor-ant.

Thanks to drunken me 5 years ago.

I haven't

(Joke from my 14 year old son)

An ignarwhal.

Just told this one to my 6 year old daughter. complete crack up. Enjoy it while it lasts.

Those were the Good Years.

Welcome to /r/puns bestof 2020 nomination thread! A chance to win reddit premium.

Comment below the links of posts/comments that were exceptional.

• Post/comment must have been made in the year 2020.

• Anybody can nominate.

• One person can nominate maximum of 1 post or comment.

Prizes:

1 month reddit premium (no ads on your feed) and access to the reddit lounge to the exceptional post/comment.

Note: The person who nominates will also get award if the post they nominate is good. (Very likely you will get it :)

All the best!!

It goes in one year and out the other.

Because it's tearable!

I know this is not original (plenty of renditions out there), but my 8 year old made it up herself. So not only is it original to her, she made my day.

He was shellfish in the seabed

No, my 4 year old son didn't write this. I did.

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

When I was first born, I didn't speak to them for 2 years.

Apparently he was last seen applying a cream that made him 10 years younger

...but forget that the year after 2021 is 2020 too

I haven't seen a post on it all year.

Today evening at 21:21:21 o‘clock is the 21 day of year 21 of the 21 century.

I haven't eaten all year.

(Happy New Year)

The interviewer waits for the man to sit down before putting the papers in his hand flat on the table between them. "I have here the CV you submitted when you applied for this job. Unfortunately there's a 4 year gap on your CV, can you explain that please?"

The man shuffles uncomfortably in his seat and says "those are the years I went to Yale..."

The interviewer, not expecting this, was taken by surprise and said: "wow that's very impressive! You're hired!"

The man, surprised himself, replies: thanks! I really need this yob!"

Guess that's my New Year's Resolution

Space X has really taken off this past year

And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me

‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’

👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.

I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids

So I'm pretty excited for the new year!

Hadn’t cleaned the house all year

2 infinity, and beyond!

My 5 year old didn’t get it.

Dad: “10 of the happiest years of my life”

(They’ve been married 43 years)