I’m excellent at wrapping presents...

It’s a gift

πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChuckySPWN
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the best worm for wrapping presents?

Tape worm

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/husbus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Just did this while wrapping presents

W: I am a terrible wrapper
Me: I know. I definitely wouldn't call you Yeezy.
W: I hate you right now.

Later on while still wrapping.

W: You are so much better at wrapping than I am
Me: I am still not at Yeezy level yet
W: I'm going to stab you with these scissors

One present left, and just scraps of wrapping paper left, and I decide to not let them go to waste.

W: Don't be a ghetto wrapper
Me: Like Yeezy?
W: I want a divorce

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unclerudy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2017
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I love this time of year because I'm really good at wrapping presents

It's one of my gifts.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_rub-a-dubstep_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2016
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Outside wrapping my brothers birthday presents with my dad

Dad: I'm a pretty good wrapper for a dad

*I nod*

Dad: I said a hip hop the hippie to the hippie to the hip hip hop and you don't stop to rock it

. . .

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gravitationalBS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2015
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My wife was wrapping a wedding present...

Wife: "I really need to get this present wrapped before we go."

Me: "Would you say you have a pressing need?"

It was an iron.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geerlingguy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2013
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So I finished wrapping all my Christmas presents...

"Man, I wrapped these Christmas presents pretty badly. Still, I'm not as bad at wrapping as Vanilla Ice!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clarrington
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2014
🚨︎ report
So I was struggling with Christmas present wrapping...

Me: I have no idea how to wrap this.

Dad: It's okay, you don't need to know how to rap if you can sing.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dr_victory
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
🚨︎ report
Dad doing some Christmas present wrapping

My dad was sitting on the floor wrapping some Christmas presents for my brothers.

Mom: You realize it's almost midnight right?

Dad: Yeah I know I'm wrapping it up.

She just groaned and walked off to the bedroom

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuniorOneNut
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2014
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Santa's helpers are having a competition to see who can wrap the most amount of presents this year.

They are having a boxing match.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/speratcool88
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I have this incredible talent where I can identify what's inside a wrapped present.

It's a gift.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was digging through the wardrobe on the weekend, I managed to find a present for the kids that I wrapped in a box last year and forgot to give them. Bargain

Can't wait to see their faces when they realize they have a puppy.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/runew0lf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My weird talent is always being able to tell what’s in a wrapped present.

It’s a gift.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zenpod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to help her wrap presents...

So I started doing my best human beatbox impersonation.

"Yo! Yo! Presents in da hizzzzzzz!"

She wasn't as amused as I was.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Not to brag, but I have this uncanny ability of guessing what’s inside a wrapped present.

You can say.....it’s a gift.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
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I have an ability to see into wrapped presents

It's a gift.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Last year, my wife was so angry that I forgot to buy her a Christmas present, but that's not happening this time, because I bought her present two months ago! It's all wrapped up, sitting under the tree, waiting for her on Christmas Day!!

She's going to love these flowers!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
My son: Daddy, you wrap the presents. I don't know how to wrap.

Me: You just gotta rhyme the last word of every sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZadocPaet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2016
🚨︎ report
Dad, when are you going to wrap the presents?

Cue me beat-boxing....

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hooof_hearted
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2015
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
As a secret agent, my kids never know what I got them for Christmas..

I always keep the presents under wraps.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EMOmosie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend's parents probably expect to be grandparents after this one

My girlfriend's mom was opening her Christmas gift when her sister asks why the wrapping paper says "Snow time" on it since there is no snow this Christmas.

I immediately come back with,

"Because there is snow time like the present!"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mistafyed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
🚨︎ report
I recently became a buddhist...

... but I still celebrate Christmas. So when December comes around I sit under the Christmas tree, wrap myself in wrapping paper and live in the present. 🎁🌲

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-Bloke
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Got a co-worker with this one as he was heading home after a 24hr shift.

I work in the investigations section of a military police department, and aside from our normal office hours, we have 24hr shifts that cycle through the office, so that there's an investigator present and on-duty 24/7/365.

My co-worker was wrapping up some paperwork this morning, and coming off of his 24 hr shift, and almost dead to the world. At the time, a pair of other investigators in my office were discussing some case that had happened a day or two prior that involved an emancipated juvenile.

I was just logging into my workstation to check my e-mail and I turned to my co-worker and asked, "Hey, so when a juvenile gets emancipated, and he announces it - proclaims it, if you will - what would they call that?"

He stares at me with a blank, uncomprehending expression and I continue, "An emancipation...proclamation? Maybe?"

The annoyed groans of someone who's been up for 24 hours are so satisfying.

πŸ‘︎ 849
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Droidball
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2015
🚨︎ report
My roomate's brother makes a duck call.

So My roomate invited me to his family Thanksgiving/holiday party yesterday. After dessert we're all sitting around and the children present are being rowdy. My roomate's brother calls them all over to our table and insists on showing them how to make a duck call. He begins ripping apart an empty soda can and wrapping it up in a very complicated fashion with a napkin and a plastic fork. He meticulously takes the top off, makes strips of metal, and winds them into this plastic fork. He carries on like this for about five minutes, the children utterly transfixed, sit watching until his creation is finally "complete". He then holds it up to his mouth, inhales, and shouts: "HERE DUCKY DUCKY DUCKY!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PhilboBaggins93
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2013
🚨︎ report
Having your mom help you wrap a gift
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Swagnasty15
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2017
🚨︎ report
A short collection of fresh puns.

Most of this is my own work, if not, it was inspired by something clever!
I hope this will tickle your funnybone and produce a jolly good set of laughs.

A guy didn't register that the wet paint signs about the handrail was still drying, his hand immediately stuck to the rail. My only response to him was, well you see there, it's an application problem, not hardware.

A researcher's obsession with mixing sand, stones, lime and water has started to yield concrete results.

Eyeglass makers who profit well can frame their success.

Joe: I gave the backyard squirrels Christmas presents!
Abby: Are you nuts?
Joe: No, that's what I gave them...

What did the supervisor at the tortilla factory say at the end of a long workday?
That's a wrap!

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. (Insp)

People who don't answer the phone sometimes miss their calling in life.

His words were heavy, but his friends didn't get the gravity of the situation.

Time flies like crazy!
Fruit flies like apples!

Never let logic and reasoning get in the way of telling a good story. (Sounds like something that would be said on TopGear/Grand Tour)

There are a few words that will open many doors for you in life - Push and Pull (Insp)

Somehow people really don't like it when I throw lamps at them to encourage them to lighten up.
Same goes for tossing handles for when they need to get a grip or soap for cleaning up their act.

When you're on the ballot for the water council and they have a runoff election.

Ghosts speak latin, it's a dead language (Insp)

If you work at a grocery, send the interns down to the meat market to get some red herrings.

There was a river in Egypt that no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Bad luck Brian - Invests in uranium, profits decay.

There was an explosion at the film manufacturing company, reporters say the story is still developing.

Why do bagpipers walk around?
To get away from the noise (Insp)

Most people have a six-figure income, just the decimal point is in the wrong place.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

In Russia, the term road has had a controversial meaning for a very long time.

In Canada/Russia, you put things in the fridge to warm them up.

Did you know that the creator of Barbie was named Barbara Dahl?

Doc: There's something not q

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
🚨︎ report
It's not gona be equal

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mad_Chicken_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Your mom and I need privacy!

Got wife good tonight. She had just laid out all the kid's Xmas presents in the guest room with sacks and wrapping paper, scissors, etc and instructed me how she wanted it done.

Then our daughter barges in. Wife scrambles to cover the gifts. So I say:

> "Mommies and Daddies need privacy sometimes. We have sacks in here!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xstreamly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2016
🚨︎ report
Only cabbage for Christmas

So my wife was rooting through my desk to get an envelope and stumbled across one of her Christmas presents that I hadn't wrapped yet. I told her that she's bad for snooping and that I would have to send it back.

Due to recent environmental regulations and the price of coal, it is no longer given to naughty people for Christmas. Instead you get a cabbage. It will come thinly sliced with mayonnaise.

This is known as Coal's Law.

"That was the whole setup wasn't it for that line"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mjbehrendt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
A ripper.

My ten month old son was becoming upset when presents were being unwrapped. I said " he must find the wrapping paper tearable."

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Butterwhite
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
🚨︎ report
Some Christmas dadjoking

This morning as we were waiting for my mom, who was late to the Christmas party, my dad goes to her room and asks her if she's in there wrapping presents. He comes back and reports, "She's gone hip-hop. She's in there rapping!" Oh, Dad.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anon-user
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
🚨︎ report
Christmas dad joke.

I didn't feel like wrapping my friend's present, but she said I had to at least put a bow on it. http://i.imgur.com/fX89DHG.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dynamaux
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Happy Holidays Edition

I was over at a friend's house a couple of weeks ago when his dad stopped by. I've had this friend for twenty years, and his father knew me since I was a wee lad. All of the Christmas decorations are strewn through the neighborhood, including my friends neighbors house whose yard is filled with these 4 foot tall wrapped Christmas gifts adorned with colorful lights. My friend's dad looked out the window and saw the boxes. "Say, your neighbors left some pretty big presents out in the yard." My friend replies, "You should take 'em, save money on your. Christmas shopping." His dad instantly says, "They might be too big to fit in my car. Although, they do look pretty...light."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Murmur322
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
🚨︎ report
Not to brag, but I have this weird talent in guessing what is inside a wrapped present.

It’s a gift.

πŸ‘︎ 74
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What is always wrapped up in the present ?

A gift

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skyhighjams
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Not to brag, but I have this weird talent in guessing what’s inside a wrapped present.

You can say.... it’s a gift.

πŸ‘︎ 162
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Not to brag, but I have this incredible talent in predicting what’s inside a wrapped present.

It’s a gift.

πŸ‘︎ 995
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Not to brag, but I have this weird talent in guessing what's inside a wrapped present.

It's a gift.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I have this weird talent where I can identify what’s inside a wrapped present.

It’s a gift.

πŸ‘︎ 553
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_snipeypants
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I have this weird talent where I can identify what’s inside a wrapped present.

It’s a gift.

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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