My coworkers were talking amongst them selves attempting to find where a Frozen doll goes, I come around the corner right then and instinctively respond with "have you checked in the freezer section?"... I got a couple of chuckles from them and carried on with my day. Was worth it.
a walk in the park.
... But what kind of stocking stuffer do you get a stuffing stocker?
Before you let your kids get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.
Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.
- Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
- Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees...poo poos, quickly please
- Stuff your pockets with plastic bags and pick up all the poo you can find, obviously not your dogs as you have not bought it yet ??
- Start wearing your shoes indoors, especially during muddy times
- Collect leaves off the ground and spread them on the floor
- Carry sticks and branches indoors and chop them up on your carpet
- Pour cold apple juice on the rug and floor....walk barefooted over it in the dark
- Drop some chocolate pudding on your carpet in the morning and then try to clean it in the evening
- Wear socks to which you have made holes using a blender
- Jump out of your favorite chair just before the movie ends and run to open the back door
- Cover all your best clothes with dog hair, dark clothes with blond hairs and light clothes with dark hairs
- Tip all just ironed clothes on the floor
- Make little pin holes in all your furniture, especially chair and table legs
- When doing dishes, splash water all over the place and don't wipe it.
- Spread toilet paper all over the house when you leave the house and tidy up when you get back home
- Forget any impulse holidays and/or breaks
- Always go straight home after work or school
- Go for walks no matter what the weather, and inspect every dirty paper, chewing gum and dead fly you might find
- Stand at your back door at five in the morning shouting, "Bring Mr Bumble and Mr Lion in, its raining.”
- Wake up at 3am. Place a correct size bag of flour on top of yourself and try to sleep, whilst wiping your face with a dishcloth, which you have left next to your bed in a bowl last week.
Repeat everyday over 6 months and if you still think getting a puppy sounds like a good idea, Congratulations, you might be ready for your kids to get your puppy.
So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!
Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?
To book a rest!
Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take him on a piss up to Iceland. When asked why he said:
I want to wreck ya vic!
Why should you never let a man go swimming in Finland with weights on his ankles?
Coz He'll sinky
What do people most commonly use toilet paper for in Bandar Seri Begawan?
Their Brunei
Catwoman bet her male counterpart he couldn't pronouce the capitol of Nepal. But cat man do.
Why was the Polish man rubbing his bollocks? Coz they warsaw.
I just came up with a cracking pun for Japan. Alas, all the wife could say was "What Tokyo so long?"
The ex Mrs McCartney got naked in East Germany in the 80s. She was known for years in the area as Bare-lin
Cheap flights to Russia still available! Book now! Everything Moscow!
The people of Bahamas think learning Capitol cities is Nassau important
The people of the Netherlands had a need to build a water driven power station as well as an overabundance of pork products. So they used 'Ams to Dam a river.
A husband and wife in the Phillipines were both very, very unwell. The woman was sick, but the man iller.
What's the average Senegalian's favoured mode of transport? Da car
Have you heard about the talking cat in Somalia that only throws insults? The Moggy Diss you
They are obsessed with John Cleese in Uruguay. They love a video of Fawlty towers almost as much as they love a Montevideo
People from Vietnam Hanoi the hell outta me
Rain storms are very rare in Zambia, but in Zimbabwe they Harera
Before you do a joke about Macedonia, let me Skopje right there
I've heard Swedish Ikea workers get stuff for free, they can just take Stockholm
If you are trying to eat Halal in Pakistan, Islamabad or good choice?
I work in a historic house all decorated for the holidays. Visitor comes in: "Can we take pictures here?" Me: "Yes, just no flash." Visitor: "But we can take pictures right?" Me: "Yes....." Visitor points at the wall. "I want that one."
Brothers GF: Our manager is on holidays so for the next few days I will be the standing manager at our location! Dad: What, thet don't have any chairs where you work? Queue groans
Me: Yeah i went to a holiday work party last night, they were giving out door prizes.
Dad: oh cool so you got a free door?
I didn't even repsond.
So I've only known my biological father for a few years. We hardly see each other except on holidays because of his work schedule, my work and college schedule, and distance. So today, he decided to visit me all afternoon and take me out to dinner. Before we left, he sat in the living room and we chatted.
Dad: "Well, young'in, I think I'm ready to eat."
Me: "Yeah, me too, I've been hungry for a while."
Dad: "Oh, really? I hadn't realized you changed your name."
Groan
The last day of work before the holiday shutdown, an older coworker and me went out for a beer after work. The waitress brought us out bottles and asked "Would you like glasses?" to which he pulled out his safety glasses and said "No, we're covered."
She looked at him, shook her head and walked away.
I saw this picture on the front page and had I had to send it to my dad. This is his e-mail response.
"Hey, Konceptz
Holiday greetings vary. Summer funny. Others try to spring a trap on the reader. Of course, that works best on people who will fall for anything. My Mom always told me that when I winter the mailbox to be careful for booby traps.
See son, I'm trying to look out for you. Hope you have a great Christmas!"
Quite dadstardly of him...
