I kept a log.
Yes. How else do we get No. 2 pencils?
Iβm stumped.
They log in.
It "logged" on.
After the Flood, God instructed all the animals to go forth and multiply. But some snakes didn't obey.
So Noah build a low platform of unfinished wood and put the snakes on it, and they began to multiply.
Noah's wife asked him what was the deal with the wooden platform.
Noah said "Oh, the snakes were adders, they needed a log table to multiply."
They seam kinda shady
I had too many failed log-in attempts
I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
http://i.imgur.com/A5XahdJ.jpg
Me: Hey mate wood you mind if I ask a question
My friend: sure, axe your question
Me: Iβm making an account on timber (tinder) can you help me?
My friend: sure just put youβre username etc. (you know the basic stuff) and then if you ever get a new phone you could just log in
Me: sweet
Ik this is bad I never make puns also I donβt mind criticism
...and so off they went two by two, and within a few weeks Noah heard the chatter of tiny monkeys, the snarl of tiny tigers and the stomp of baby elephants.
Then he heard something he didn't recognise⦠a loud, revving buzz coming from the woods. He went in to find out what strange animal's offspring was making this noise, and discovered a pair of snakes wielding a chainsaw.
"What on earth are you doing?" he cried. "You're destroying the trees!"
"Well Noah," the snakes replied, "we tried to multiply as you bade us, but we're adders⦠so we have to use logs."
Dad: "You know, we're actually descendants of one of the oldest native tribes in this part of the country, right?"
Me: "Really?"
Dad: "Yeah, The Fagawee tribe. I remember when I was little, your grandpa took me on a spiritual pilgrimage through the forest. He drank a lot and smoked some native herbs. The herbs didn't seem to be working, though, because as it got darker, we seemed to be walking in circles. It was cold in the woods and we seemed to keep coming across the same old log. Finally, in the middle of my dad's spiritual trance, he fell to his knees in a clearing, raised his hands high, and proclaimed "We're the Fawagwee!"
Translation: ("Where the fuck are we?")
Once upon a time, when I was a wee lad, still in Boy Scouts, I went on a camping trip to Montana with my troop. It was going to be a great time, enjoying the cool weather and scenic views of the evergreen forests. However, we did have one issue: Montana is pretty notorious for having lots of bears. We weren't scared though, since our park ranger guide told us that bears can be scared off by making lots of noise, like yelling or hitting sticks on trees. Anyway, me and one of my friends, we'll call him Frank, were out exploring in the woods. We were doing what we were told to scare off the bears, but we were still a little antsy.
After a while, we got hungry, so we decided to sit down and eat our packed lunch. We found a nice log to sit on and rest our feet, and we put down our packs and started to sit. But then, Frank let out the BIGGEST scream I've ever heard! Then, he took off running, fast as a cheetah. I thought, "Uh, oh! Frank must've seen a bear!", so I took off after him. Frank was running so fast, we must have run for miles at breakneck speed. Eventually, he started to tire, and as I got closer, I saw why Frank screamed and started running. He had sat on a bear trap, and it was stuck fast to his rear end! We had a good laugh about it, but the bear trap really did leave its mark.
It's been a long time since that happened, and Frank hasn't run in while, but I like to tell this story because it explains why Frank's only half-fast now.
(If you don't get the joke, say the last sentence out loud)
I got him a bag of logs for his wood burner.
... they log in
