Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.
This is the time of the year when you can eat carrots from snowmen for free.
The s-now-man
"No, honey, that is snow."
"My sweet, that is a wonderful rain," he said.
"You are not smart. That is snow!" she exclaimed.
He replied, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."
Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.
It was addressed, 'Dad'.
With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:
"Dear, Dad.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy.
She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad.
She's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better.
She sure deserves it!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.
I'm over at Jason's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.
Call when it is safe for me to come home!"
I said 'be careful, she might leave you.'
He did not get it at first, so I had to repeat myself a couple of times...but I would have done that anyway.
I work as a special education teacher. I'll admit to not being a dad, but I hope I'm well on my way.
Aide: "I'm so excited (note sarcasm). I get to visit my in-laws in Missouri over winter break."
Teacherdad: I hear there are a lot of people visiting Missouri these days.
Student: "Why?"
Teacherdad: ...Missouri loves company.
