What will you get if you remove B from Bananas
I saw a Karen today with a bumper sticker that said ‘You will address me by my husband’s rank’.
Guess she just wanted her conversation to be private.
Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you.
But smoking bacon will cure it.
Do you Know why Will Smith used an open hand instead of a fist ?
Because only paper beats rock.
"Hey bartender, you will never believe it. This guy has the same birthday as me, his parents have the same name, we grew up in the same town and we went to the same school. Can you believe it?"
Bartender to his replacement at the end of his shift: "The Murphy Twins are drunk again."
Do you guys think “why did the chicken cross the road?” jokes will still exist in the future?
Or will they go eggstinct?
A cabbage, an onion, and a carrot having a race. Who do you think will win?
I'm not sure myself, but right now cabbage is ahead.
Take it as you will. But, as for myself, I don't give much of a *hoot*. It's all for the birds to me
we've all heard of murphy's law. anything that can go wrong will go wrong. but have you heard of cole's law?
it's thinly sliced cabbage.
Say what you will about the Dynamic Island, it’s top-notch design.
When you thought you’ve just about heard all the Will Smith and Chris Rock jokes already, I present you with this one
How do you track Will Smith in the woods?
Rick Astley will give you ALMOST any Disney/Pixar movie you want...
... but he's never gonna give you Up.
how do you find will Smith in a snow storm ?
....you look for fresh prints!
Holmes and Dr Watson went on a tenting trip. After a meal they went to sleep. Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions of stars, I suspect that we will have a clear day tomorrow. Why,what do you see?"
Holmes: "I see that someone has stolen our tent."
Did you know ants are the only creature that will spontaneously combust?
I have seen this happen every time I studied them with my magnifying glass.
After 60 years of marriage, Dad died. Mom gave the obituary she had written to the newspaper. "I am sorry for your loss mam, we charge $1 per word, that will be $1,157." "What, you charge for this? Just say "Dad died." "You were married for 60 years, I will give you 5 words for $2. "OK, say...
...Dad died, boat for sale."
Sometimes a kid will say something that requires you to wash their mouth with soap.
Like, "Dad, watch me bite this pen!"
Will you forget me?
8 yo Son told me this. For brevity, no responses to the first questions…
Will you forget me tomorrow?
Will you forget me next week?
Will you forget me next month?
Knock-knock.
Me:”who’s there?”
Son: “How did you already forget me?”
Do you think the funeral for Queen Elizabeth II will be a formal affair?
Or do you think it'll be more corgi-al?
What do you call a frozen suit that will hold you to your oaths?
How many pregnant women will you find in the average monastery?
If you call this number the robot will tell a dad joke and hang up. Try it.
to the person who stole my spectacles....with help I will find you.
What do you call Will Smith's crying daughter?
Say what you will about steak puns
They're a rare medium well done
Y’all have heard of Murphy’s Law right? Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. But have you heard about Coles Law?
It’s a bunch of thinly sliced cabbage with a mayonnaise based dressing.
When the traffic is heavy I always call my friend Will, do you know why?
Cause if there's a will there's a way
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft office, I will find you.
What will happen if you slap someone on a high frequency?
Rick Astley will let you borrow any of his disney movies, except one
He's never gonna give you UP
You will fail your calculus exam if you sit next to identical twins.
It’s hard to differentiate between them
Will a bear hurt you if you wear a raincoat?
That depends on how fast you can run in a raincoat.
My girlfriend came to me with a balloon that said "will you marry me?"
So I popped the question.
How do you find Will Smith in the wilderness?
Follow the fresh prints
Bonus: How do you know who he's been slapping? Look for the fresh prints
If you light a fire for a man, he will be warm for a few hours...
If you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life
Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you.
Smoking bacon will cure it.
How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?
You follow the fresh prints.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office. I will find you.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for fresh prints
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
By searching for fresh prints!
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you…
Who ever stole my copy of Microsoft office, I will get you.
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