My Asian friend owns a business where he twists and binds white t-shirts then soaks them in colored liquid...

I even have one of her Thai dye t-shirts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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What’s white, thin, and colored on by kids?

Me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rogan2929
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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I find it ironic that the colors red, white and blue stand for freedom.....

Until they are flashing behind you!

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourOverLordisME
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2022
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Whenever my wife is upset I let her color in my black and white tattoos.

Sometimes she just really needs a shoulder to crayon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/athei-nerd
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2022
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Have you ever had one of those days where you’re drawing with a [white] coloring pencil on a [white] sheet of paper?

Because I’m drawing a blank…

Note: feel free to swap β€œwhite” with any other color, as long as they’re exactly the same…

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vinsable
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2021
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Do black and white count as colors?

It's a gray area.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Who_GNU
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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Why was the detergent accused of being racist?

Because it was tough on Greece.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kasio99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2022
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What would you have if everyone in the country owned a pink car?

You'd have a pink carnation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrHoleStuffer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2022
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Asked my kids this morning to bring their laundry and separate it into whites and colors. My son holds up some grey sweats and asks which pile.

My response: Not sure son, that’s kind of a grey area.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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I just learned yesterday that I’m colourblind.

It was such a surprise. The news literally came right out of the orange.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThroneDiscs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2022
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Do people people see colors when they dream?

Or is it just pigments of their imagination?

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2021
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A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a plate of bamboo…

When he’s finished with his meal, he hops up onto the table, pulls out two Glock 45s and unloads both magazines, blasting everything in sight.

When the guns empty, he throws them down and starts walking towards the door. The bartender looks up from behind the bar and yells, β€œHey! What the hell, man?”

The panda yells back at the bartender, "Hey, I'm a PANDA! Look it up!" The bartender opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda:

"A tree dwelling bear of Asian orgin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats bamboo shoots and leaves.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/toasterstrewdal
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2022
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I wasn't expecting to be diagnosed as colour blind.

It really came out of the purple.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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The only place where racism is still acceptable is in the Laundry Room...

...as you seperate the whites from the other colors.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reddespacito
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2022
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Black & White

Employee: Does the printer print in Black & White?

Dad(Boss): Only Black, the white is already on the paper

Employee: Nervous Laugh

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swole_volm
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
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Tokenism is when your organization has only one PoC just for appearances sake.

If you have only one elf, that's Tolkienism.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Damnyoureyes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2016
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What do you call a person of colour?

A 'hue' man.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amiahcaraveo1998
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2017
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He believed it for years!

As a kid I loved to get the sunday comics from the paper and read Calvin and Hobbes. I loved it so much my parents would get me the compilation books as gifts for birthdays and christmas. I always thought it was funny when Calvin would ask his dad how "x" works. One day my son when he was about 6 years old asked my why some TV shows were in black and white. Inspired by this calvin and hobbes comic where Calvin's dad explains why photos are black and white. http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/ch/1993/ch930919.gif

I decided to do the same thing to my kid. I told him that the world was black and white back then and that things didn't start to become in color for decades later. I got a good chuckle out of it, but because he was so young, I didn't realize that he actually believed it. I soon forgot that I told him the world was black and white. When he was about 11 or 12, one day I got a call from my wife and she asked me, "Did you tell your son that the world used to be black and white?" I start laughing immediately and said yes! How did you know? She said because your son is writing an essay about how the world used to be black and white for school and he asked me what year the world became color. He believed that for like 6 years!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimillett
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
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A man with a gold claim in Alaska was cursed.

At first the curse just brought him bad luck, causing vital equipment to break and provoking frequent but small injuries to him and his crew. Soon, however, the curse darkened and diggers the man had hired to help work his claim began to die in bizarre ways.

One was killed by an African scorpion that should never have made it to Alaska, let alone have survived the cold. A second drank a gallon of the mercury used to separate the gold from the ore. A third was found with a tree growing up through his body.

The man himself who owned the claim became more and more pale. His eyes became all white. His skin began to give off an overpowering smell of sulfur. He slept all day and at night he wandered the mountain above his claim, coming back each day looking more like a beast than a man.

The curse became so bad the last worker alive ran away to the nearest town to tell the authorities what was happening at the claim.

In an attempt to save the claim owner's life and lift the curse, a priest was brought in by dogsled to perform an exorcism on the man.

A sherriff from the town came with the priest as a bodyguard.

The exorcism was long, but apparently successful. Immediately the man's color returned, the sulfur smell disappeared, and he was able to sleep through the night for the first time in six months.

After the man awoke, the sherriff immediately arrested the man and brought him back to town with the priest. Standing in front of the judge, the sherriff was asked what charge the law had against the claim owner whose life had just been so dramatically turned around.

The sherriff looked at the man, then looked back at the judge and said in a slow and rumbling voice, "Possession as a miner."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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My dad just owned me in a facebook message rap battle.

First of all, yes my family have rap battles over facebook, we are that white. It's been a fun rap battle of sorts, and my dad just threw down then well... Here is the conversation:


Father: Parental rap battle, game over with this one...

Father: You say we are weak

that our rhymes are the worst

Just remember my lad that we were here first

Rap didn't begin right now with your gang

It started with ours and came out with a bang

That we can't rap - on Twitter you say

o what a betrayal, Et tu, Brute

Oh no, oh snap, did that happen here

Dad threw down some latin from Will Shakespeare

I'm done with this battle and now I'll decree

Just remember my apple you fell from this tree

Me: I honestly have no words.

Father: Shit.... [TheLegitMidgit] is speechless. How could that be?

Me: Color me impressed.

Father: Is that green?

Me: Stop while you're ahead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLegitMidgit
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2014
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Everyone raves about diversity...

But white people are all the colors combined.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gamingpron0t
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
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Matching socks last night

I got to match all of the socks with my wife watching last night, because she hates that job with a passion.

Wife: And that's why I like colored socks. The matches are easy to see.

Me: I think they prefer the term African American socks.

Wife: I am going to stab you in your sleep. You are an idiot.

Me: I know

Wife: When you are done with the white socks, help me with the kids colored socks.

Me: I told you they prefer the term African American socks.

Wife: Why did I marry you?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unclerudy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2014
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John started working in a color pigment company...

John started working in a color pigment company which specialises in mixing and editing different color pigments according to their customers's demands. Once the color pigments were done, they would be mailed out to the customers with a detailed note commenting on the properties of the produced color pigments. John was placed in the 'Pink Pigment' department which was incidentally between the 'Red Pigment' and 'White Pigment' departments. He was really good at his job and was constantly praised for the great work he produced.

However after a month or so, John found that a number of his work was being duplicated and mailed to almost all of his customers. Worse of all, instead of a proper note commenting on the color pigment properties, these duplicated products were accompanied with rather bad puns and jokes. One repeating joke which irritated him the most was: 'What do you call a country with only pink cars? A pink car-nation.'

Upset, he went to his manager to complain about the problem. After listening to John, his manager said, "Oh boy, looks like I need to talk to the manager of the 'Red Pigment' department again. This is not the first time that it has happened. Those Red-editors in that department love to copy and repost other people's original work as their own."
John then asked, "How are you so sure that it was them who are responsible?"
His manager replied, "Well, you can be certain that it is them as they always love jokes or puns especially in the comment section."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AesSedai99
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
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"Brilliant white"

I was at the hardware store with my dad looking at some caulking when he says out of nowhere, "All i see is this 'brilliant white' color. I want my white to be stupid!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flakc
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2015
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My Boss is a Dad

Today my boss, who is white, was talking to our book keeper tell her that he was going home for the dad because he is feeling sick. The book keeper told him yeah you look bad you have no color in your face. With lighting fast dad reflexes he quiped, "that's be cause you're looking at these guys all day"

Me and my coworker are both black and groaned appropriately.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dinobones1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2014
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Whenever my wife is upset I let her color in my black and white tattoos

She just really needed a shoulder to crayon

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trevor557
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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You know, it's really ironic how the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom.

Except when there flashing behind you.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BetaCrasher
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
🚨︎ report

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