What does Thor need now that heβs fat?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 18 2021
Son of a what now?
If a man named Mitch has a boy, it would make the boy a son of a Mitch.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 09 2021
Polar bears have been introduced in the Antarctic. What are these polar bears now called?
π︎ 45
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
A fish steps outside her house and get hers fins and gills blown out of order by the weather, so she goes back in for a jacket. Her husband asks, βWhatβs it like Outside Right Now?β She replies,
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
Now that's what I call a Screamplay!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
What is the most sought after nation right now?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 31 2021
What's happening in Washington right now needs a name
I propose we call it the "Chicken Coup"
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
I can now legally tell dad jokes so heres my favorite. What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
What is the Inventor of hand sanitizer doing right now?
π︎ 66
π
︎ Oct 17 2020
I have no idea what to get now...am I supposed to get both?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 24 2020
My 9 month pregnant wife is ready to have our child any day now, but they just wonβt come. Sheβs tried everything she can at this point. Sex, walking, dancing, spicy foods, etc... So when I asked her what I could do to help she said βany means necessary.β
To which I replied βNo it doesnβt.β
π︎ 34
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
Now that's what I'm talkin bout
π︎ 35
π
︎ Jul 27 2020
Now that the USA is no longer the pre-eminent superpower of the world, what's next?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 03 2020
Did you hear what they are going to call the generation of kids born 9 months from now?
π︎ 44
π
︎ Jun 09 2020
[Request] Right now we're all drinking Quarantinis. What will we drink when we get back together?
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 22 2020
What do you call a former FBI agent who now works delivering packages?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
What do you call potatoes you canβt eat right now?
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jun 01 2020
What do you call a fish thatβs now a Disney Princess?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 12 2020
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 18 2020
So God was talking to one of his Angels. He said βIβve created 24 hours of alternating lightness and darkness in earthβ. The Angel said βWhat are you going to do now?β ...
βOh I think Iβll call it a dayβ God replies.
π︎ 75
π
︎ Sep 24 2019
I asked Tim Cook what he is cooking right now
An apple pie off course!!!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 22 2020
What is Mozart doing right now?
π︎ 78
π
︎ May 23 2019
What's something you looked forward to as a kid but now don't like?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 10 2019
I know what your all thinking right now
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jul 01 2019
John has 10 cakes. He eats 6 of them. What does he now have?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 20 2019
Wife: Honey Iβm pregnant. Me: Wellβ¦. what do we do now?
Wife: Well, I guess we should go to a baby doctor.
Me: Hm.. I think Iβd be a lot more comfortable going to an adult doctor.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 02 2019
The psychic I go to can predict what's going to happen two years from now.
π︎ 273
π
︎ Oct 30 2018
What should you do now that smoking is banned on public trains?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 02 2020
Now thatβs what i call a tree house
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 24 2019
Dad what is Mozart doing now?
π︎ 47
π
︎ Dec 15 2018
What do you call it when an Elephant has a loose tooth? Perfect joke with the LSU/Alabama game going on right now..
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 09 2019
Daughter just asked, "Dad, do you know what you would be if you tried to go to the north pole right now?"
An ice pop.
The dad joke is strong with this 8 year old.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Jan 29 2019
You now what always fastenates me
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 09 2019
Now that Pokemon has been released, what do you call when Meowth is driving a F1 car?
meeeeeeooooooooooooooowth
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 20 2019
My nosy neighbor asked me what I do for work now that I'm no longer an actor.
I told him, "Not show business."
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 27 2019
Now that weβve discussed βwhy the chicken has crossed the roadβ, what does it look like?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 03 2019
Iβve retired from the cloning lab and now I donβt know what to do with myself
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 11 2018
German word for flowers is Blumen. Now what's the word for Bouquet?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 11 2019
My friend phoned me. 'I just stole some goatskin,' he said breathlessly, 'and now the police are chasing me. What should I do?'
I said, 'Hide?'
He said, 'Yes, that's what goatskin is.'
π︎ 75
π
︎ Aug 29 2018
I asked my kids, "What is Mozart doing right now?"
They looked at me and shook their heads, when I shouted, "Decomposing!"
π︎ 306
π
︎ Nov 10 2017
DAD: Fifty years ago I had nothing, but I got to sleep with a hot 23 year old girl every night. Now we have a large house and a nice car, but I'm sleeping with an old woman. What happened?
MOM: Go ο¬nd yourself a hot 23 year old girl and I'll make sure you'll once again have nothing.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 21 2019
While studying just now, my brother asked his friend what she knew about 'mitosis'.
I told him, "I think they're on your feetses."
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 06 2019
What would happen if I died right now?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 06 2019
What do you call babies born 9 months from now?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 03 2020
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
π︎ 33
π
︎ Oct 23 2019
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, βwhat are you going to do now?β
God said, βI think Iβm going to call it a day.β
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jul 20 2019
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