Cop: "are you high?" guy: "am I what?" cop: "high"

Guy: "hello"

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ForGiggles2222
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2022
🚨︎ report
I asked β€œSiri, why am I so bad with women?” Do you know what she said?

β€œMy name is Alexa”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2022
🚨︎ report
I have 4 arms, 6 legs and 2 heads. What am I?

A liar!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Matthew1_0
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2022
🚨︎ report
I am a doctor what is going on
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealMundiRiki
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2022
🚨︎ report
After 60 years of marriage, Dad died. Mom gave the obituary she had written to the newspaper. "I am sorry for your loss mam, we charge $1 per word, that will be $1,157." "What, you charge for this? Just say "Dad died." "You were married for 60 years, I will give you 5 words for $2. "OK, say...

...Dad died, boat for sale."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2022
🚨︎ report
A man went to the psychologist and says: β€œI am really afraid of words that sound like letters of the alphabet! What do I do?”

The psychologist answered: β€œI see. Are you ok?”

(Unsure if this has been posted before, excuse me if it has!)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Captain_Dogggo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2022
🚨︎ report
what am I??

I'm the first on earth,The second in heaven ,I appear twice a week, you can only see me once in a year because I'm in the middle of the sea..What am I???

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Awkward-Life-659
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2022
🚨︎ report
Like many, I fear the dentist office. I never leave for an appointment without my trusty harpoon, in case things go sideways. My dentist asked what am I so afraid of.

JAWS!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NicolasGojiraCage
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2022
🚨︎ report
My name is Brian and I am dyslexic. You know what that means, kids?

It means something is wrong with my brian

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whatknot2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to a job interview today and the interviewer asked me "what is your greatest weakness?". I said "I am too honest"

He said "I don't think that's a weakness"

"Well I don't give a f* what you think"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m blue and I smell like red paint, what am I ?

Blue paint.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2022
🚨︎ report
If I am holding a bee, what lies in my eyes?

Beauty. Beauty lies in the eyes of the Beeholder.

πŸ‘︎ 354
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hp77reddits
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Hey friends! In support of the LGBTQ+ community I wanted to design a punny pride greeting card and I am so happy with how it turned out :D let me know what you think!
πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Limechic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I have 6 hands, 12 feet and 3 heads. What am I?

A liar.

πŸ‘︎ 164
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-muthamae
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Me: Son, what grade am I in?

Son: You’re grade at cleaning poop.

Courtesy of my 5-year-old, also very accurate.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/claytondb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2022
🚨︎ report
What the hell am I dough-in’ here? I donut belong here
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CosmicOli
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I am a proud dad today - my son ask me what this Indian bread on top of the fridge is for

I told him it’s Naan of his business

Edit: he could have replied β€œpapa dumb”

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My mom has 3 kids. My brother was born a gas, my sister a liquid and I am a solid. Yesterday my mom looked upset so I asked her what was wrong. She said "I'm pregnant"

So I said "Okay, what's the matter?"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Feerkat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I have no idea what to get now...am I supposed to get both?
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justin_raphael_7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: Sir, I am sorry to say that you have onomatopoeia... Patient: What is it, doc?

Doctor: It’s exactly what it sounds like.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the pin say to the baloon? I am the king of pop
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Son : "Hi Dad. I'm hungry", I am prepared for what he has to say.

Dad : let's order some food.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnreese421
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
🚨︎ report
An Honest Werewolf : "What do you mean? I am not a werewolf"

A Random Seer : "Either you are lying or you are an unawerewolf"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kurokami_Yohane
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My buddy Jerry had to get taken to the hospital, unfortunately it looked like he needed to be operated on. He was unconscious and when he came to, he asked β€œwhat’s going to happen, am I going to be alright?”

I told him; β€˜Surgery’.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BostonFan69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?

Ugly.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NepoMi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
If I’m a millionth of myself what am I?

ΞΌ

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElZoof
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I am on a roll, I mean what are circles...
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrSigmaNut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Convo between me and a lady friend, what do we think boys? Am I in?
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Piscis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife: what are your plans for today? Me: I am going to the eye doctor

And after that I’ll see

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sageyban
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
People tend to be shocked when they find out what a bad electrician I am.
πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_snipeypants
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I am sure someone has posted this one before, but, since I haven’t seen it, here goes! What did the wood screw say to the machine screw?

Wow! Those are some fine lookin’ threads, brotha!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm a turnip, turned down. Concerned, but I don't carrot all. I am what I yam. What am I?

Beets me

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DCCXXVIII
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I dont even know what I am laughing at
πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Th3Ocelot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
i have four eyes, seven legs, three noses, and five ears. what am i?

ugly

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CowSensei
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I am not sure what the first church on Mars would look like.

But the mass would be the same.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
What am I supposed to be looking atat
πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blacky_1207
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2014
🚨︎ report
GUESS WHAT I AM DOING?

Capitalising.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Marv1236
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
🚨︎ report
The Great Dad Joke: So Moses is talking to God and he's all like "I don't know what to call you, I'm confused" and God is like "Hi confused, I AM".
πŸ‘︎ 121
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2016
🚨︎ report
I am a Demi-God but I wasn't satisfied with it. I told my God I wanted to be more. Now I'm Demi Moore. What do? (x-post /r/fifthworldproblems)
πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2015
🚨︎ report
What days am I the proudest of?

SON-days! haha love ya, little buddy

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dude_thisguy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I have 4 eyes, 2 mouths and 5 ears. What am I?

Ugly.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconLord1401
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2017
🚨︎ report
First you listen to me, then you eat me. What am I?

Ham radio.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KineticIsEpic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the scarf say to the hat? You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brookscorbs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Grate, now what am I supposed to do?

Grate, now what am I supposed to do?

(Happened when I was trying to prepare a grilled cheese for my daughter's lunch)

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iugrad
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2016
🚨︎ report
I asked my kids "What am I, a boggart?"

Because everything I here from your mouths is "RIDDIKULUS!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BoogerSoup
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?

A liar.

πŸ‘︎ 488
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I have six eyes, three ears, and two mouths. What am I?

Ugly

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jnnx3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.