Jack: "What's the difference between a landline and a mobile phone?"

Jim: "A landline is like a giant dog lying between two towns, and if you step on his tail in one town he barks in the other."

Jack: "That makes sense, but what about a mobile phone?"

Jim: "It's just the same, but without the dog."

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2022
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It was my time to shine

My daughter is at university in another state. We occasionally text each other dad jokes. Last night she sent me a message: β€œsend me more dad jokes, quick.” I hopped to it, racking my brain for anything new that I hadn’t already sent her recently. After a few moments she sent me: β€œwe are doing a class project and during the down times I’m reading your jokes to the class, you have a fan base here” I was over the moon. A few moments later she sent me a video of her entire class saying, in chorus: β€œThanks Nate’s Dad”. Completely chuffed. Thank you community, you not only entertain, you help connect.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maelja
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2022
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I need your advice I have this friend. Our relationship is very unstable. Sometimes we have a very good connections and at other times we have a pretty bad connection.

Her name is Wi-Fi BTW

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trollinaintezy
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Had a blind date with someone from Verizon. It didn't work out. We never connected.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hutimuti
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2016
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[OC] Allston

A number of years ago, we moved to Allston, Massachusetts, the world capital of hipsters. You know, hipsters, the folk who wouldn't be caught dead doing, wearing or listening to something conventional.

Allston is separated in two by Massachusetts Turnpike, a major interstate highway. To the south is Allston Village, to the north is Lower Allston. There's a bridge across the Pike, connecting the two.

After a year, I realized that the hipsters tend to inhabit Allston Village and rarely show up in Lower Allston.

After two years, I figured that it was the bridge that they couldn't cross.

After three years, it finally dawned on me why hipsters couldn't cross the Mass Pike.

Do you care to know why hipsters can't cross the Mass Pike?

Do you?

I'll tell you.

It's too mainstream.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doctor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2022
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Don’t tell my WiFe, but...

I have been using an Ethernet cable more than anything else.

You can say we have poor communication which makes it difficult to connect.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Real_Tohsaka
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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My dad had a stroke today and made a joke in the hostpital.

So today my dad had a stroke and while we were waiting for doctors to come back he grabbed all the cords to the ekg cords connected to him and said, "I feel like I'm behind the TV!"

My dad always makes jokes in time of panic and pain. I guess that's where I get it from.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterScrewUp
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
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Honey Story

I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay, because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.

We clicked pretty quickly, and started chatting regularly. Every day, sometimes throughout the day. Slowly we learned more about each other. Her dog's name was Daisy. My truck's name was Dodge Ram (I apologized for my lack of creativity). She was a CPA. I was a beekeeper.

And at this, she stumbled. "If we ever meet in real-life, I want you to know that I could never date a beekeeper." But we were still far away from that point, so it was moot.

But time went on, and we gradually became closer to that point. More personal information. What firm she worked for. Where my farm was. Names of relatives. Names of high schools. All the things that just come up in conversation eventually if you talk to someone long enough.

But, oddly, after all this time, neither of us had thought to send any pictures. Until one day I got a message from her: "I never thought I'd say this, but I really do want to meet you in person. I think we have a rare connection, and I don't want to squander it. I want to send you my picture, and I want you to send me yours, but I'm telling you, I can never date a beekeeper."

I couldn't imagine a life without my bees. But I also couldn't imagine a life without her. Tentatively, reluctantly, I clicked on the image attached to her message.

Then I saw her face. Now I'm a bee leaver.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fishamaphone
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
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Internet Puns

A great bundle of Internet puns; enjoy!

You despise Microsoft FrontPage as a web editing tool and as extensions to your webserver.


You can answer the question β€˜is the internet broken’ without laughing.


You can spot the theme behind the following list: RedHat, SuSE, Debian, Caldera, Slackware.


You can feel the load a server is under without actually checking statistics. It β€˜just isn’t running right’ actually makes sense.


You maintain more than four websites and do not have time for a personal web page.


You know all of the following people by reputation and can explain what they’ve done that is relevant to your world: Steve Case, Linus Torvalds, Eric Allman, Sanford Wallace.


You know what TCP/IP stands for, not to mention DNS, HTTP, SNMP, BGP, OSPF, and DUN. You like acronyms.


I think Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it β€œBang”. I mean, think about it.. β€œI BANGED Emma Watson last night.”


The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBI…


On the Internet you can be anything you want. It’s so strange that many people choose to be stupid.


Girls are like an internet virus: they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smile…


Chuck Norris created the World Wide Web using a typewriter. When Chuck Norris plays hide and seek, even google can’t find him.


A press release: β€œYesterday, for the first time a hacker was convicted of network penetration and went to jail to serve a 12 years sentence. According to the data of the central computer of the police, the hacker goes to liberty the day after tomorrow because of expiration of the sentence.”


Justin Bieber got 100,000 retweets for tweeting β€œLive life full”. That’s just 3 random words. I’m going to try now. Jockstrap squirrel potatoes.


Facebook: β€œMy kids are perfect.” Instagram: β€œMy kids are beautiful.” Twitter: β€œMy kids are why I drink.”


The facts on this website are Chuck Norris’ smallest acheivements. If you knew what he was really capable of, you would never sleep at night.


Teacher: If you spend all your time sitting round playing on the Internet, you’ll be fat and useless when you grow up. Pupil: Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you were a kid!


What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? An URLologist.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2017
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Extended Christmas dad prank

When my brother and I were little, we put out milk and cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeers on Christmas eve, and woke up on Christmas morning to find them mostly eaten. We were delighted at proof of our nighttime visitors.

The next year our dad told us he had gotten an inside tip from the north pole: that Santa actually liked ramen and beer, not milk and cookies (as other, less well informed, dads and kids had always thought).

For years, we dutifully cooked ramen, put it on a table by the fireplace with a cold beer on the side, and woke up to the ramen and beer having been consumed in the night.

I knew my dad wasn't fond of milk or cookies, but it wasn't until later that we connected the dots and found out the deal about Santa. My dad was the one who ate the Santa food once we went to bed, and he had secretly convinced us to prepare his ideal midnight snack for as long as we believed in Santa.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/queenermagard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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I used to see this girl..

So I use to see this girl named Lindsey Theresa Elderwood. All her friends called her LTE. I kept trying to take her out to the mountains, but she just didn't think we could connect out there like we do in the city.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cantaloupe_elope
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
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Actual conversation this morning

Discussing the roofing project we're about to under take

Vy: "do we need any tar? I have some but i don't know if it's like tar, tar"

My Dad: "oh like tar tar binks?"

We just stared at him trying to figure out how he made that connection and why he felt the need to share.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DishesDoThemNow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
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Dad- joked my own Dad

We were setting up our new wifi enabled printer when I dropped this joke.

(We were trying to get my Mum's laptop to connect to the printer)

Dad: The laptop can't see the printer. Me: Neither can I, it's in the other room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GRI23
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2014
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Embarrassed myself in class laughing at my friend's reaction to my top quality material

So today in my physiology lecture we were talking about muscles and we touched on connective tissue and our prof said something about "broad bands of connective tissue" and I turned to my friend next to me and go "If there's broad bands of connective tissue do you think there's Wi-Fi of connective tissue?". He just sighed and told me he was going to punch me before going back to writing his notes with a look of pure hatred on his face.

(I tried to contain my laughter to his reaction and ended up snorting really loudly like a minute later when I heard him snicker)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bca231
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2015
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Last night, my dad got my grandpa.

We were talking about a joint in Logansport, IN, called The Old Style Inn. My grandpa jumped in and said "hey, there's an Old Style Inn in Valpo! (Valparaiso, IN, about 75 miles NW) I wonder if they're connected."

Without missing a beat, my dad says "that'd be a pretty long tunnel."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmmdddmmm
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2014
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Dad Joked by a Thomas Jefferson Impersonator at Work Today

Would this be considered a dad joke or an 18/19th century dad joke? Either way, I just about walked out the building after reading this.

ME: Hi Tom,

Thank you for taking the time to speak with me today and if there is anything we can do in the future, please don't hesitate to ask.

I was hoping you would be able to leave a Yelp review for other potential clients to see. I know that we will not be working together anymore, but we would really appreciate the feedback.

Thomas Jefferson: Matt,

Happy to offer you an encomium, however, I know of no connection between hounds striking the line of scent on a fox and complimenting a business enterprise of the 21st century.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smashfield5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2016
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Accidentally dad joked my fiancee

We changed drivers as I got out and she got in she adjusted her seat, she was taking a while and said "I've just got to find my niche" To which I replied "They're connected to your legsh"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bowch-
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2014
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