A list of puns related to "We Connect"
Jim: "A landline is like a giant dog lying between two towns, and if you step on his tail in one town he barks in the other."
Jack: "That makes sense, but what about a mobile phone?"
Jim: "It's just the same, but without the dog."
My daughter is at university in another state. We occasionally text each other dad jokes. Last night she sent me a message: βsend me more dad jokes, quick.β I hopped to it, racking my brain for anything new that I hadnβt already sent her recently. After a few moments she sent me: βwe are doing a class project and during the down times Iβm reading your jokes to the class, you have a fan base hereβ I was over the moon. A few moments later she sent me a video of her entire class saying, in chorus: βThanks Nateβs Dadβ. Completely chuffed. Thank you community, you not only entertain, you help connect.
Her name is Wi-Fi BTW
A number of years ago, we moved to Allston, Massachusetts, the world capital of hipsters. You know, hipsters, the folk who wouldn't be caught dead doing, wearing or listening to something conventional.
Allston is separated in two by Massachusetts Turnpike, a major interstate highway. To the south is Allston Village, to the north is Lower Allston. There's a bridge across the Pike, connecting the two.
After a year, I realized that the hipsters tend to inhabit Allston Village and rarely show up in Lower Allston.
After two years, I figured that it was the bridge that they couldn't cross.
After three years, it finally dawned on me why hipsters couldn't cross the Mass Pike.
Do you care to know why hipsters can't cross the Mass Pike?
Do you?
I'll tell you.
It's too mainstream.
I have been using an Ethernet cable more than anything else.
You can say we have poor communication which makes it difficult to connect.
So today my dad had a stroke and while we were waiting for doctors to come back he grabbed all the cords to the ekg cords connected to him and said, "I feel like I'm behind the TV!"
My dad always makes jokes in time of panic and pain. I guess that's where I get it from.
I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup. But that's okay, because she'd just put a picture of her dog. I sent her a message, something almost-clever like "your dog can ride in my pickup any time," and she responded.
We clicked pretty quickly, and started chatting regularly. Every day, sometimes throughout the day. Slowly we learned more about each other. Her dog's name was Daisy. My truck's name was Dodge Ram (I apologized for my lack of creativity). She was a CPA. I was a beekeeper.
And at this, she stumbled. "If we ever meet in real-life, I want you to know that I could never date a beekeeper." But we were still far away from that point, so it was moot.
But time went on, and we gradually became closer to that point. More personal information. What firm she worked for. Where my farm was. Names of relatives. Names of high schools. All the things that just come up in conversation eventually if you talk to someone long enough.
But, oddly, after all this time, neither of us had thought to send any pictures. Until one day I got a message from her: "I never thought I'd say this, but I really do want to meet you in person. I think we have a rare connection, and I don't want to squander it. I want to send you my picture, and I want you to send me yours, but I'm telling you, I can never date a beekeeper."
I couldn't imagine a life without my bees. But I also couldn't imagine a life without her. Tentatively, reluctantly, I clicked on the image attached to her message.
Then I saw her face. Now I'm a bee leaver.
A great bundle of Internet puns; enjoy!
You despise Microsoft FrontPage as a web editing tool and as extensions to your webserver.
You can answer the question βis the internet brokenβ without laughing.
You can spot the theme behind the following list: RedHat, SuSE, Debian, Caldera, Slackware.
You can feel the load a server is under without actually checking statistics. It βjust isnβt running rightβ actually makes sense.
You maintain more than four websites and do not have time for a personal web page.
You know all of the following people by reputation and can explain what theyβve done that is relevant to your world: Steve Case, Linus Torvalds, Eric Allman, Sanford Wallace.
You know what TCP/IP stands for, not to mention DNS, HTTP, SNMP, BGP, OSPF, and DUN. You like acronyms.
I think Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it βBangβ. I mean, think about it.. βI BANGED Emma Watson last night.β
The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are the FBIβ¦
On the Internet you can be anything you want. Itβs so strange that many people choose to be stupid.
Girls are like an internet virus: they enter your life, scan your pockets, transfer money, edit your mind, download their problems and delete your smileβ¦
Chuck Norris created the World Wide Web using a typewriter. When Chuck Norris plays hide and seek, even google canβt find him.
A press release: βYesterday, for the first time a hacker was convicted of network penetration and went to jail to serve a 12 years sentence. According to the data of the central computer of the police, the hacker goes to liberty the day after tomorrow because of expiration of the sentence.β
Justin Bieber got 100,000 retweets for tweeting βLive life fullβ. Thatβs just 3 random words. Iβm going to try now. Jockstrap squirrel potatoes.
Facebook: βMy kids are perfect.β Instagram: βMy kids are beautiful.β Twitter: βMy kids are why I drink.β
The facts on this website are Chuck Norrisβ smallest acheivements. If you knew what he was really capable of, you would never sleep at night.
Teacher: If you spend all your time sitting round playing on the Internet, youβll be fat and useless when you grow up. Pupil: Wow! You must have spent hours surfing when you were a kid!
What kind of doctor fixes broken websites? An URLologist.
When my brother and I were little, we put out milk and cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeers on Christmas eve, and woke up on Christmas morning to find them mostly eaten. We were delighted at proof of our nighttime visitors.
The next year our dad told us he had gotten an inside tip from the north pole: that Santa actually liked ramen and beer, not milk and cookies (as other, less well informed, dads and kids had always thought).
For years, we dutifully cooked ramen, put it on a table by the fireplace with a cold beer on the side, and woke up to the ramen and beer having been consumed in the night.
I knew my dad wasn't fond of milk or cookies, but it wasn't until later that we connected the dots and found out the deal about Santa. My dad was the one who ate the Santa food once we went to bed, and he had secretly convinced us to prepare his ideal midnight snack for as long as we believed in Santa.
So I use to see this girl named Lindsey Theresa Elderwood. All her friends called her LTE. I kept trying to take her out to the mountains, but she just didn't think we could connect out there like we do in the city.
Discussing the roofing project we're about to under take
Vy: "do we need any tar? I have some but i don't know if it's like tar, tar"
My Dad: "oh like tar tar binks?"
We just stared at him trying to figure out how he made that connection and why he felt the need to share.
We were setting up our new wifi enabled printer when I dropped this joke.
(We were trying to get my Mum's laptop to connect to the printer)
Dad: The laptop can't see the printer. Me: Neither can I, it's in the other room.
So today in my physiology lecture we were talking about muscles and we touched on connective tissue and our prof said something about "broad bands of connective tissue" and I turned to my friend next to me and go "If there's broad bands of connective tissue do you think there's Wi-Fi of connective tissue?". He just sighed and told me he was going to punch me before going back to writing his notes with a look of pure hatred on his face.
(I tried to contain my laughter to his reaction and ended up snorting really loudly like a minute later when I heard him snicker)
We were talking about a joint in Logansport, IN, called The Old Style Inn. My grandpa jumped in and said "hey, there's an Old Style Inn in Valpo! (Valparaiso, IN, about 75 miles NW) I wonder if they're connected."
Without missing a beat, my dad says "that'd be a pretty long tunnel."
Would this be considered a dad joke or an 18/19th century dad joke? Either way, I just about walked out the building after reading this.
ME: Hi Tom,
Thank you for taking the time to speak with me today and if there is anything we can do in the future, please don't hesitate to ask.
I was hoping you would be able to leave a Yelp review for other potential clients to see. I know that we will not be working together anymore, but we would really appreciate the feedback.
Thomas Jefferson: Matt,
Happy to offer you an encomium, however, I know of no connection between hounds striking the line of scent on a fox and complimenting a business enterprise of the 21st century.
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