I put my clothes in the washing machine yesterday and all of them came out with a picture of Santa on it.

I shouldn’t have used the Yule Tide Detergent.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Always empty your pockets before washing your clothes...

I hear money laundering is serious business

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fourcam
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
🚨︎ report
How do mermaids wash their clothes?

With tide

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MansNotHot772
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why eskimos wash their clothes in tide?

Because it's too cold out tide (outside)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kipzer1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
If you accidentally leave some cash in your clothing and it goes through the washing machine,

Wouldn't that be 'money laundering'?

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Escalade1414
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My mother always told me that the best place to mend clothing is in a wash basin

but I don't sink sew.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xtowers
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
You’d be nuts not to.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My daughter tried doing her first load of laundry by herself. All the colors bled and intermixed.

"Well," she said. "It did say on the clothing labels to wash in, like, colors."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I was on a roll last night.

My family was having a burger night and I improvised some groaners:

Q - How does it sound when your cousin drives an ambulance?
A - Neeeenaaaaa-neeeeenaaaaa! (There is a cousin called Nina)
Q - How do you know when your cousin is coming to visit?
A - they ring the Issa-belle! (Yip, you guessed it there is a cousin called Issabelle)

Q - What does a dinosaur say to offer you a hot drink?
A - Would you like some tea, Rex? (Hate to over explain and ruin the joke but just in case - Rex )

Then during bathtime:

Q - When a crab goes to jail where do they lock him up?
A - A jail shell. (there was a decorative jar of shells there which I used as a muse for this piece)

Q - How does a daddy cow clean himself at night?
A - In a bub-bull bath. (Just came to me)

Q - What does an astronaut use in the bath?
A - A space cloth. (this one didn't really land but I stand by it)

Q - What do you use to wash your hair in the toilet?
A - Sham-poo (low hanging fruit but this one absolutely killed)

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dat_asthma
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What would a businessman name his laundry shop if he is a Star Wars fan?

Star Wash: Attack of the clothes.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baldomccoy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Thanks Dad :D

Come home from college for the weekend to visit the family but mostly to wash my clothes. I usually talk to my Dad about things I don't understand during these weekend visits. This one time went a bit like this.

Me: Hey Dad.

Dad: Yea?

Me: You know what I don't get?

Dad: Laid.

Thanks Dad.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Visell
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2014
🚨︎ report
My brother's first son isn't due for another week, but he's starting the dad jokes early.

My sister-in-law, washing clothes: Babe, I think you left a twenty in your pocket.

My brother, soon-to-be-dad: Oh my god, I'm a money launderer! I don't want to go to jail!

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gingerfer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2013
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked the girlfriend last night

Last night the gf and I were watching netflix and having a good time when I paused the show and said: me: "Babe, I have something important to tell you!" her: "OMG! What?" me: " what does Poseidon use to wash his clothes? silence...... me: "Tide"

i'll see myself out

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beaglefoo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2014
🚨︎ report
Doing the laundry

I was staring the laundry, and accidently dropped a sock as I carried the pile of clothes to the washing machine.

My wife picked it up and teasingly said "your dropped a sock".

I responded "geeze, who kew doing the laundry could be so agitating".

The look of confusion, then shock and statements of "no... No... Why!" were worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kuranei
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2015
🚨︎ report
You could be facing 20yrs.

I pulled out cash for our rent and gave it to my wife to hold. She put it in her jacket and tossed clothes into the laundry without removing the money. I hear Wife- "ohhh.. I found the money, I washed it." Me- "don't tell anyone, you can get in trouble for money laundering" Collective groans went around by everyone in earshot

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2015
🚨︎ report
My mothers turn.

Ma: Why do you wash clothes in tide? Me: Why? Ma: Cause it's too damn cold out-tide!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OtisShreddings
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
🚨︎ report
Why does Santa wash his clothes in Tide?

Because it’s too cold outtide.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/saulfineman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in tide?

Because it’s too cold out tide

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bear-Scout-Mae
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
You know why Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?

Because it's too cold OUT Tide.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealWingnut
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you wash clothes at the beach?

With Tide.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did little Johnny’s mother wash his clothes in Tide?

Because it was too cold outTide.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scherezad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do I wash my clothes in Tide?

Cause it’s too darn cold outtide

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolitamanson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?

It's too cold to wash them out-tide.

πŸ‘︎ 118
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πŸ‘€︎ u/whohw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2015
🚨︎ report
Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?

Because it's too cold outside... Thanks to friend at the bar.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wraith775
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2017
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do Alaskans wash their cloths in tide?

because it is too cold out tide.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/themannamedme
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2016
🚨︎ report
Why should you wash your clothes in Tide* ?

Cuz it too cold Out-Tide, Toopid!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EternalManChild
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Do you know why Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?

Because its too cold out Tide!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zJediMindTricks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2015
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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