My mother always told me I look more like her from the waste up, but took after my father from the waste down...
... because I'm a smart a**
I think space exploration is a waste of time.
There are many better things to do for leisure than stare at a computer keyboard all day.
A clumsy employee knocked over his boss’s coffee cans and wasted all his coffee.
It was grounds for dismissal!
My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
Research shows that left handed people waste more food than right handed people
Otherwise, rightovers would be a word.
Disney just announced a Star Wars and Pirates of the Caribbean crossover
I'm looking forward to seeing Arrgghh-2-D2.
I told my wife I saw a deer on the way to work.
She said how do you know he was headed to work?
originally posted on r/tumblr by u/MaetelofLaMetal
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
so I had to ground him.
He's doing better currently.
And conducting himself properly.
My husband says he is leaving me because of my obsession with Star Wars.
I said, “Please don’t go, honey. You’re the Obi-Wan for me.”
Norway just made the decision to put QR codes on the side of all its war ships.
Now they can Scandinavian!
Which Star Wars character works in a restaurant?
There are 3 men on a boat.
Each has a cigarette, but nothing to light it with.
So one man throws his cigarette into the water, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
Like in Star Wars, things will work out for you
With Luke on your side.
Always look on the light side of the life force.
Not a joke for written context, but one you can use on your family.
You just say to your family member - "Did you hear someone in the family is part owl?"
They'll reply with "who?" And you look at them with a raised eyebrow.
Tell this joke over dinner if youd like to be the life of the party. You're welcome.
Emphasis on laundry rotation
my grandfather said this today on the dinner table and i was the only one that found it hilarious for no reason at all
G : what type of apples grow on trees ?
my dumbass : idk red and green ?
G : all of them do
wheezes
Quick reference for Star Wars: Chewie is short for Chewbacca, Ben Kenobi is short for Obi-Wan Kenobi...
...and Luke Skywalker is short for a storm trooper
Your undergraduate diploma was a complete waste of money, you should throw it in the fire.
That's a first degree burn.
In honor of Star Wars Day (May The Fourth), here’s a themed dad joke!
Did you know the temperature of a Bacta tank is lukewarm?
Just a reminder that it's only "Star Wars Day" if....
Whenever my artistic girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body....
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
I spent my entire life savings on pasta.
It was worth every penne.
There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..
..they make me feel even number.
I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus.
Thats how i lost my job as a bus driver
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.. COMPLETE WASTE OF MONEY!
He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is”
My dad wanted to post something on Reddit and I told him there’s specific subs he would want to post on and certain ways to post
And he responded “oh so there’s reddiquette to it then”
(Also he’s on Reddit now so if he sees this then hi dad)
I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
This is the 21st century,' she said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.'.
I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him!
I just found out the Mortal Kombat theme was based on something old
The police arrested a dog for giving birth on the street.
What do beavers like to put on their salads?
I've never had good luck with Civil War jokes
People don't general lee find them funny
I saw male wigs on sale for $1
It’s a small price toupee
My son Luke loves it that we named all our kids after Star Wars characters...
My daughter Chewbacca, not so much.
My humour is wasted on 9gag
There was a civil war at the North Pole once, but the elves don't talk about it much...
It was a cold war. Also a short war, with little casualties.
It lasted six months. The truce came after the elves realized they'd wasted the whole day fighting.
All that thyme and effort wasted
A lot of the jokes on this sub are just terrible, but at the end of the day...
I bought a new clock. Total waste of money.
It’s spends all day doing tik toks.
My wife screamed at me, "You're obsessed with those Star Wars movies. I've had enough. I'm leaving you."
"May divorce be with you!!" I replied.
Hi there, I'm Buzz Aldrin, the second person to ever walk on the moon..
BREAKING NEWS: Scientists launch sneak attack on the periodic table.....
Add the element of surprise.
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