Vernon Zimmerman Puns

Hey guys, so lots have been said about the playoff program and while I did have my comments as well, I think I'll just leave it as EA couldn't have tried harder to mess this up if they simply didn't release a program in the first place. At least then we wouldn't be left with the travesty of what we got instead.

Now I will say the ToTY nominees are just batshit and clearly EA is picking names out of a hat that like Stephen A. Smith gave them because "he's a smart guy." Honestly the guys were solely based off name recognition. I mean how else can they justify Armstead at LT (8 games all year) Boles (who was the definition of average and ranked lower than Jonah Williams according to PFF) Norwell who was a turnstile or Bulaga who didn't even fucking play this year? It's insane who they chose and an insult to actual good linemen.

ToTY should have gone this way:

• LT- Trent Williams. Simply a historic year for Trent, there was no better offensive lineman in the league this year
• LG- Bitonio- Yes we got a ltd version but it should have been a ToTY. He was the best LG in football and frankly his run block should equal his pass block. What EA doesn't realize is that the Browns scheme is heavily reliant not on the pulling guard in Teller, but more on the guy who allows Teller to be successful and that is Bitonio. See on those pulls Bitonio essentially has the more difficult task of a seal block in order to free up the opposite puller. If you think about it like the puller is going through a door and needs to connect with the defender outside of it, Bitonio is the one who needs to open that door. If it's closed because he doesn't hold the outside blocker off and seal that edge then it doesn't matter what the puller does. That's why the responsibility goes to Bitonio.
• C- Creed Humphrey- Best center in the league and the guy on draft night last year I was screaming for the Ravens to get. Oklahoma has produced some good to great linemen over the years so when you're the best in that room that's saying something. It's why it wasn't a shock to see Chase do so well this year. When you're on a squad with Justin Jefferson and Terrance Marshall and you're clearly the better WR then you know you're the top guy. Same for Creed.
• RG- Zack Martin- Well he's a big name so EA got it right I suppose. As they say a broken clock is right twice a day.
• RT-Tom Compton- There's a reason why the run game in SF was so good this year, and frankly most years. Compton was who E

When it comes to club volleyball, I guess we can all agree that Italian Superlega is the best championship in the world. As I wrote in one of my old previews, a good mixture of economic firepower and a relaxed foreign limit (3 Italian players must be on court all the time) made the case for Superlega. Now that it has become much easier for non-Italian fans to watch the games (see “How to watch”), how about I guide you through the upcoming season?

FORMAT

13 teams will compete. Every team will face every other team twice (once home and once away) in the regular season, with 1 team having a bye each week. Standings will be points-first. If a game ends 3-2, the winner gets 2 points and the loser 1. Otherwise, the winner gets 3 and the loser 0. Victories, sets ratio and points ratio are the tiebreakers in case 2 or more teams have the same points at the end of the regular season. Bottom 2 teams get relegated to Serie A2. Top 8 teams qualify for playoffs. That means that there are 10 “hot spots” for 13 teams, which gives pretty much every team something to fight for. In the playoffs, quarterfinals will be best of 3 series, while semifinals and finals will be best of 5, with courts switching after each game. The top seeded team will have home court advantage. The standings at the end of the first (“andata”) round of regular season will determine match-ups for the Italian Cup. The seeding system is the same as the playoffs’, only all games will be single do-or-die matches. Quarter finals will be played on the best seeded team’s home court, while semifinals and final will be played in Final 4 format in a venue that still has to be decided (but has been Casalecchio di Reno, Bologna, for the last 3 editions).

HOW TO WATCH

Broadcasting rights have been purchased (along with the women’s league ones) by Volleyball World TV. Subscribing has a cost of 7.99 USD/month or 74.99 USD/year. If you’re only interested in Italian volleyball, you’ll probably want the first option, as the finals will be in May and paying month-per-month will actually be cheaper than for a full year (8 months at 7.99 USD/month = 63.92 USD). One match per week, the Italian Supercup, the Italian Cup Final 4 and the Scudetto finals will be broadcast on national Italian television Rai as well. They’ll be available live on their website for free, but only if you’re connected from Italy (or, you know, if you find a way to fool Rai’s website into believing you’re in Italy. I’m not suggesting

I made all time teams for all 30 squads, and put them into seeds to make a “March madness” style bracket.

Rules:

Round one last 48 hours, rounds 2-finish will be 24 hours

Each player can only be used once. This made it extremely tough to pick teams for guys who were great on multiple teams

I will comment the matchups, upvote the team you think would win

Each team has a DH, as it makes the matchups easier to evaluate

All teams are on 3 man rotations

The matchups are based on the seeds I made, I’ll say what my rankings are after the bracket is done

Round 1:

Byes (1 and 2 seed, so the round 2 is 16 teams): Yankees and Cards

Matchups:

Giants vs Rays

Giants-

1. Cf- Willie Mays

2. Rf- Mel Ott

3. DH- Barry Bonds

4. 1b- Willie Mccovey

5. Lf- Bobby Bonds

6. 2b- Jeff Kent

7. C- Buster Posey

8. 3b- Matt Williams

9. Ss- Travis Jackson

P- Christy Matthewson

Rays-

1. LF- Carl Crawford

2. 2b- Ben Zobrist

3. 1b- Carlos Pena

4. 3b- Evan Longoria

5. RF- BJ (Melvin) Upton

6. DH- Corey Dickerson

7. SS- Julio Lugo

8. C- Jon Jaso

9. CF- Kevin Kiermier

P. David Price

Red Sox vs Royals

1. CF- tris speaker

2. SS- Nomar Garciaparra

3. DH- Ted Williams

4. 1b- David Ortiz

5. RF- Carl Yastrzemski

6. LF- Jim Rice

7. 3b- Wade Boggs

8. C- Carlton Fisk

9. 2b- Dustin Pedroia

P- Cy Young

Royals-

1. CF- Willie Wilson

2. RF- Amos Otis

3. 3b- George Brett

4. 1b- John Mayberry

5. DH- Mike Sweeney

6. LF- Hal Mcrae

7. C- Salvador Perez

8. 2b- Frank White

9. SS- Alcides Escobar

P- Brett Saberhagen

Cubs vs Blue Jays

Cubs-

1. 2b- Ryne Sandberg

2. LF- Billy Williams

3. CF- Hack Wilson

4. SS- Ernie Banks

5. Rf- Sammy Sosa

6. 1b- Cap Anson

7. 3b- Ron Santo

8. DH- Derek Lee

9. C- Gabby Hartnet

P- Fergie Jenkins

Blue Jays

1. 2b- Roberto Alomar

2. SS- Tony Fernandez

3. DH- Carlos Delgado

4. 1b- Fred Mcgriff

5. RF- Jose Bautista

6. 3b- Josh Donaldson

7. LF- George Bell

8. CF- Vernon Wells

9. C- Russell Martin

P- Roy Halliday

Reds vs Diamondbacks

Diamond backs-

1. Cf- Steve Finley

2. 2b- Ketel Marte

3. 1b- Paul Goldschmidt

4. LF- Luis Gonzalez

5. DH- Justin Upton

6. RF- AJ Pollock

7. 3b- Mark Reynolds

8. C- Miguel Montero

9. SS- Stephen Drew

P- Randy Johnson

Reds

1. 2b- Joe Morgan

2. DH- Pete Rose

3. LF- George Foster

4. C- Johnny Bench

5. 1b- Joey Votto

6. SS- Barry Larkin

7. 3b- Tony Perez

8. RF- Vada Pinson

9. Cf- Eric Davis

P- Jose Rijo

A’s vs Padres

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

• If you find your book in the thread below, send the number of the book via reddit chat or via telegram .
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• Also, upvote the post if you found it useful

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7690. Molecular Biology, 3rd Edition: David P. Clark & Nanette J. Pazdernik & Michelle R. McGehee

7691. Motivational Interviewing, 3rd Edition: William R. Miller & Stephen Rollnick

7692. Brooks/Cole Empowerment Series: An Introduction to Family Social Work, 4th Edition: Donald Collins & Catheleen Jordan & Heather Coleman

7693. Microsoft Excel 2019 Data Analysis and Business Modeling, 6th Edition: Wayne Winston

7694. The Power of Framing: Creating the Language of Leadership, 2nd Edition: Gail T. Fairhurst

7695. Doing Right: A Practical Guide to Ethics for Medical Trainees and Physicians, 3rd Edition: Philip C. Hebert

7696. Experimental Design: Procedures for the Behavioral Sciences, 4th Edition: Roger E. Kirk

7697. Principles of Corporate Finance, 11th Edition: Richard Brealey

7698. The PMP Exam: How to Pass on Your First Try, 6th Edition: Andy Crowe

7699. Workbook for Diagnostic Medical Sonography: The Vascular System (Diagnostic Medical Sonography Series), 2nd Edition: Ann Marie Kupinski

7700. Financial Markets and Institutions, 6th Edition: Anthony Saunders

7701. Windows Server 2016 Unleashed, 1st Edition: Rand Morimoto & Jeffrey Shapiro & Guy Yardeni

7702. NoSQL for Mere Mortals, 1st Edition: Dan Sullivan

7703. Children's Thinking: Cognitive Development and Individual Differences, 6th Edition: David F. Bjorklund & Kayla B. Causey

7704. Mathematical Statistics with Applications, 7th Edition: Dennis Wackerly & William Mendenhall & Richard L. Scheaffer

7705. Speak Up! An Illustrated Guide to Public Speaking, 4th Edition: Douglas M. Fraleigh & Joseph S. Tuman & Peter Arkle

7706. An Introduction to Intercultural Communication: Identities in a Global Community, 9th Edition: Fred E. Jandt

7707. Data Mining for Business Analytics: Concepts, Techniques and Applications in Python, 1st Edition: Galit Shmueli & Peter C. Bruce & Peter Gedeck & Nitin R. Patel

7708. Chemical Fate and Tr

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Or would that be too forward thinking?

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

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Hey guys, sorry for the delay on this but here are the rankings for the Harvest players from part one of the promo:

Left Tackle:

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Run Block:

• If you find your book in the thread below, send the number of the book via reddit chat or via telegram .
• Almost all the books are in their latest editions and some of them are available in multiple editions too
• Books (pdf) are delivered through Google-Drive link
• You can also send requests via reddit chat or by telegram .
• Also, upvote the post if you found it useful

Please find the list below:

8743. Disease Gene Identification: Methods and Protocols, 2nd Edition: Johanna K. DiStefano

8744. Statistical Aspects of the Microbiological Examination of Foods, 3rd Edition: Basil Jarvis

8745. Revel for Social Problems, 14th Edition: Stanley Eitzen & Maxine Baca Zinn & Kelly Ei Smith

8746. Fundamentals of Human Resource Management: Pearson New International Edition, 3rd Edition: Gary Dessler

8747. Economics Today: The Micro View, 18th Edition: Roger LeRoy Miller

8748. Employment Law for Business, 8th Edition: Dawn Bennett-Alexander & Laura Hartman

8749. Surgical Exposures in Orthopaedics: The Anatomic Approach, 5th Edition: Stanley Hoppenfeld & Piet de Boer & Richard Buckley

8750. Project Management in Construction, 7th Edition: Sidney Levy

8751. Financial and Managerial Accounting, 7th Edition: John Wild & Ken Shaw & Barbara Chiappetta

8752. Handbook of Plant Disease Identification and Management, 1st Edition: Balaji Aglave

8753. Ubuntu Unleashed 2019 Edition: Covering 18.04, 18.10, 19.04, 13th Edition: Matthew Helmke

8754. Handbook of Insulin Therapies, 1st Edition: Winston Crasto & Janet Jarvis & Melanie J. Davies

8755. Python for Programmers: with Big Data and Artificial Intelligence Case Studies, 1st Edition: Paul J. Deitel & Harvey Deitel

8756. Medical Ethics: Accounts of Ground-Breaking Cases, 7th Edition: Gregory Pence

8757. Human Resource Management, 13th Edition: Gary Dessler

8758. The Biology and Therapeutic Application of Mesenchymal Cells, 2 Volume Set, 1st Edition: Kerry Atkinson

8759. Computer Security Fundamentals, 3rd Edition: William Chuck Easttom

8760. Hendee's Radiation Therapy Physics, 4th Edition: Todd Pawlicki & Daniel J. Scanderbeg & George Starkschall

8761. Nutrient Delivery, 1st Edition: Alexandru Grumezescu

8762. Technology Entrepreneurship: Taking Innovation to the Marketplace, 2nd Edition: Thomas N. Duening & Robert A. Hisrich & Michael A. Lechte