Unisonic Puns

Could say it was poultry in motion

I was discussing the snack supply with my family. I got a box of graham crackers a few days ago, and evidently they went through that, and bought another box, and went through that too. I said to them, "wow, you go through a lot of graham crackers... maybe you should start buying kilograham crackers." Four sets of eyes around the table went like this in unison:

≖_≖

ಠ_ಠ

-_-

I enjoyed a quiet little cackle while they stared.

A receding hare line!

There were plenty of red flags.

Mom: We should stop, I need to use the rest room.

Kids in back, unison: Me, too!

The dad: Yeah, same here...(pause)...I guess that makes us sym-potty-co.

Dad chuckles.

Kids "huh"?

Mom & internet - Eye rolls and groans.

In his accent, the officer commands the prisoners to stand up straight. He then tells them to move their body left and right in unison, whilst also saying 'tick' when they lean to the left, and 'tock' when they lean to the right, like a clock.

All the men bar one comply. The one only leans to left and says 'tick'. Irate, the officer shouts: "What are you doing? Why are you not tock-ing?!"

The man ignores him and continues to 'tick' to the left.

The officer leans in: "We have ways of making you TOCK!"

Dad : Yes, you are my Unison.

My husband is perusing the menu and points out that they have Battered Shrimp on the menu. He turns to me and says, "I wonder if the shrimp pressed charges". My son and I exchanged glances and facepalmed in unison.

I work at a pretty cool place. Everyone there is pretty upbeat and we like to have a good time. One of the girls was talking about something and said "isn't this fun guys?!" I replied "this is extremely mushrooms!" Everyone was silent, so I pulled the huge grin and said "fuungiiis". Every one of them groaned in unison.

They are all my children now.

A friend was getting married in a small church. I was part of the wedding party, and we were at wedding practice, making sure everything went off without a hitch. We noticed the bride to be seemed a bit agitated, so we asked her what was wrong.

"The church is so small," she said, "which I love - but where will we fit the musicians? we hired three string musicians to play us in and out of the wedding and there doesn't seem to be any place for them to play!"

I looked at my friend and his bride-to-be and smiled.

"You have nothing to worry about. Haven't you heard...?" They shook their heads in unison.

"THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM FOR CELLO."

Speaker: “I'm glad you could all make it”

Whole crowd: in unison “Hi glad you could all make it, We're dad”

Speaker: Puts up a pic of ID on big screen showing legal name is "glad you could all make it"

entire conference loses their shit

In unison dead pan my wife and mother: “all of them”

A little joke I came up with the other night:

What do you call it when Egyptians fart in unison?

Tutankhamun!

I was describing to my family a weed I'd found in the garden, which had a "strong herbal smell." My daughter (3), who loves to joke about words, grinned and said, "Turtle smell?"

My mother, to engage with her, said, "How does a turtle smell?"

My father and I answered in perfect unison: "With its nose!"

It felt like a significant moment in my growth as a dad.

I went to my parents' house for dinner tonight. While my mom was cooking dinner, she asked me several times to check on the food in the oven. After the third time, my dad and I respond in unison (without planning) "Yep. Its still there."

What am i becoming?!

She used the word congealed. I told her I like the word coagulate better. Her dad then chimes in with "Coagulate: when two dogs wag their tails in unison."

27, single, childless With a group of friends about to ride a rollercoaster. I notice that the ride attendants name tag says "DeJa"... and I can feel the dad within me take over.

The ride was fun, we were in the first row... DeJa cheerily welcomes us back into the station, and I, without control of myself, exclaim "OMG it's DeJa, again!" Pause 1 second Entire cart groans in unison.

She convincingly said she had "never heard that one before", but it might have just been expert-level sarcasm.

Two of them introduce themselves as Gold and Frankinsence. The bartender asks, "Why are you called the Weissman Trio if there are only 2 of you?" The brothers look at each other and say to the bartender in unison, "But wait! There's Myrrh!"

Mom's friend rings the doorbell. Mom answers the door, "Hi Deb, good to see you. We missed you!"

Dad and I, on opposite sides of the room, look up in unison: "With every shot so far!"

The pride on his face was priceless.

The professor asked us what a pirate's favourite letter was. We all grudgingly answered "R..." in unison. "NAY," he replied. "It's the C!"

I reply, "It's Knott."

Kids in unison "Awww."

We were talking about the eclipse and where best to go outside and look at it (with proper viewing glasses, of course). My mom asked "Where is the sun right now?"

My dad and I both responded, instantly and in unison, "It's up in the sky!"

We laughed, high fived, and my mom rolled her eyes so hard that they almost popped out of her head. Good times y'all.

We were eating at a pizza place and there were several size options and the options for the pizza sizes were 10", 20", and 26". My girlfriend wanting to know how many people a certain pizza size would feed and so she asks, "How big is a 10" pizza?" To which my friend and I in unison answer, "About 10 inches."

As I pass a truck carrying horse food, I point to it and yell "HAY"

My whole family, slightly startled, looks around, at what I'm so excited about, then realize, and in unison roll their eyes and groan

Fiancé: We need to pick our vows still!

Me: A, E, I, O, or U?

Both turn in Unison: Dad Jokes!

She's getting good at identifying them quick.

I was player 4, here is a shot of the glitch: Screenshot.

They started laughing hysterically, I said "it is snot funny". The laughter stopped and they all started groaning in unison.

I have a fairly strict rule about only speaking in Spanish in my class, especially when asking "¿Cómo se dice?" or "How do you say?" So, when a student asked me in English, "How do you say 'my birthday' in Spanish?" I responded:

"With my lungs, larynx, lips, tongue, and teeth."

The class blinked for two seconds before groaning in unison. She then asked the question, correctly, en español. But, I think I now understand why cats purr.

At dinner last night, my stepmom was trying to remember something and said to us "What's the name of that book...?"

And my dad and I, in perfect unison, asked "The Bible?"

Truly, the torch has passed to a new generation.

Yesterday I was doing Concert practice - fairly standard for a music student, play some songs (with a band), receive some constructive criticism, if there's time, play it again, see if it improved.

So after aforementioned criticism the band and I are about to play again when one of the singers points the mic at the speaker (accidentally) and painfully loud feedback assaults our ears.

In the following silence, I commented: "That's the least useful feedback we've had all day!"

...silence.

Then approximately forty people groaning in unison, which gave way to applause for my awful dadjoke.

A receding hare-line.

Speaker: I'm glad you could all make it

Whole crowd: in unison hi glad you could all make it We're dad

Speaker: Puts up a pic of ID on big screen showing legal name is "glad you could all make it"

entire conference loses their shit