What is the truth about all those Thanksgiving turkey jokes?

They are just a bunch of tomfoolery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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President Obama's 2016 Turkey-Pardon Dad Jokes: The Definitive List

[from NPR-- this sub doesn't allow link posts]

The annual turkey pardon is a silly tradition, and President Obama knows it. On Wednesday, before pardoning turkeys named Tater and Tot, Obama summed up his feelings about this particular duty.

"It is my great privilege β€” well, it's my privilege β€” actually, let's just say it's my job to grant them clemency this afternoon," Obama said.

Not in attendance for the president's final turkey pardoning ceremony were first daughters Sasha and Malia Obama, who gamely laughed alongside their father last year. So instead, the president's nephews Austin and Aaron Robinson stood by for what Obama called his "corny-copia of dad jokes about turkeys."

And thus began a pun-fest for the ages. Here's a list of President Obama's groaners from this year's pardoning ceremony:

"Actually [Sasha and Malia] just couldn't take my jokes anymore. They were fed up."

"What I haven't told them yet is we are going to do this every year from now on. No cameras, just us, every year. No way I'm cutting this habit cold turkey."

"Tater is here in a backup role just in case Tot can't fulfill his duties. So he's sort of like the vice turkey. We're working on getting him a pair of aviator glasses."

"I want to take a moment to recognize the brave turkeys who weren't so lucky. Who didn't get to ride the gravy train to freedom. Who met their fate with courage and sacrifice and proved that they weren't chicken."

[After touting positive economic indicators and the low uninsured rate] "That's worth gobbling about."

"We should also make sure everyone has something to eat on Thanksgiving. Of course, except the turkeys, because they're already stuffed."

"When somebody at your table tells you that you've been hogging all of the side dishes, you can't have any more, I hope that you respond with a creed that sums up the spirit of a hungry people: 'Yes, we cran.' "

"Look, I know there are some bad ones in here, but this is the last time I'm doing this, so we're not leaving any room for leftovers."

"And now from the Rose Garden, Tater and Tot will go to their new home at Virginia Tech, which is admittedly a bit hokey." (The Hokies are the Virginia Tech mascot.)

"And so let's get on with the pardoning. Because it's Wednesday afternoon and everyone knows that Thanksgiving traffic can put people in a foul mood."

[from NPR -- http://www.npr.org/2016/11/23/503178220/president-obamas-2016-turkey-pardon-dad-jokes-the-definitive-list?utm_source=facebook.com

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/see2keroppi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2016
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I just need dad joke enthusiasts to know that the International Poultry Meat Congress is held in Turkey this year.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhilipGlassEye
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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Prez Obama pardons turkeys but not the dad jokes, he's killing them

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2016/11/23/watch-live-president-obama-pardons-his-final-thanksgiving-turkey/94346928/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amacvar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2016
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Remind your kids after all the turkey jokes of the pig with three eyes

We called him piiig

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πŸ‘€︎ u/seobrien
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2015
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Girlfriend's post Turkey Day Dad joke

My girlfriend turned to me last night after we had Thanksgiving dinner and told me "Well I guess you've stuffed two birds today".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elmingus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2014
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Turkey Day
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toe-knail
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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The ultimate komedy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harshvithlani
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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I was at the store with my wife picking out a turkey and she seemed unimpressed by the size. She asked "do they get any bigger?"

I looked her in the eyes and replied "no honey, they're dead."

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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Why can't blind people eat ocean fish?

Because it's see-food!

my 11 year old daughter ran in here while cooking greens and dropped that knowledge on us. I couldn't be more proud lol.

edit: just wanted to let those of you who have is awards that I appreciate it! I told my daughter about them and she asked if she can keep telling jokes for me to put on here lol. should get fairly interesting.

thanks all. I hope you had a great turkey gobble day

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberrich
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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How much space will Brexit free up in the European Union?

1 GB.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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I took two pairs of socks golfing

In case I got a hole in one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr-m-meeseeks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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Still not mine. Credit to u/Deptar
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πŸ‘€︎ u/otlycann
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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"Time flies even if Turkeys don't"

-Barack Obama

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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While picking up a turkey for this Thanksgiving, I overheard this gem.

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they’re dead."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taylordprints
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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My dad always used to say the same thing everytime we ate at a restaurant when on vacation.

When the waiter asks "Are you finished?" "No, we're swedish."...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KinpatsuNoHito
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2015
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I should open a Russian grocery store and call it "Putin food on the table"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Keytard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2014
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New Achievement as a Father

Today while driving, my 2.5 year old asked for "tookies" and I replied with "Turkeys?" She responded quickly with her little "no". I feel proud that I can finally dad joke my child now. (This is an advancement in conversation structure between us)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/immabettaboithanu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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Dad joke at work. At my job I have to reduce the price of hot chickens..

My colleague asked me "will they be going cheap?", I said "no they'll be going bwaark!"

Still laughing at myself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/damnthewerehog
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2014
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I'm pretty proud of this (I'm Canadian btw)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/duncxan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2013
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The Rude Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to clean up the bird’s vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said β€œI believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.” John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke up, and asked very softly : β€œMay I ask what the turkey did?”


I'd like to thank my friend John for sending me this dumb joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fred1840
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Obamas Thanksgiving dad joke

"It is hard to believe that this is my seventh year of pardoning turkeys,” Obama said. β€œTime flies, even if turkeys don’t".

*this joke was kind of posted with a facebook link, but some of us are leery about facebook links

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shaunp138
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2015
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Dad said this last thanksgiving....

So a year after the song came out, and my little sister had been playing it non stop, dad decided he'd make his own joke for Thanksgiving which was All about that Baste as he was basting the turkey....So I decided to turn it into a shirt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jolth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2016
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Educated my son at the grocery store yesterday, made another dad laugh

In the freezer section, my 2 year old goes:

"What's that daddy?"

"Those are turkey drums. (drumsticks with a brand name) That's how they get into turkey rock bands"

"oh"

Like he just accepts this shit as fact and I can't stop myself :D

FiancΓ©e thought it was a stupid joke so I can be sure it was awesome.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Razorshroud
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2015
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Working seasonal hours at Honey Baked Ham and had this dropped on me

Man: I would like a 10 lb ham and a whole smoked turkey breast please.

Me: Will this be all for you today, sir?

Man: dead serious tone Oh no! This isn't all for me. My family will be eating it too.

Took me a second to realize that I had been slapped with a dad joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trogadorable22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2013
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President Obama Dad Jokes

After pardoning a turkey, President Obama dropped some dad jokes on Sasha and Malia video

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bradradio
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2015
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Got my new classmate today.

Just went to this new class and started conversing with random people, then this girl says that her dad is in Turkey.

Girl: "Yeah, he's a lawyer and travels a lot"

Other classmate: "Oh that's cool, does he ever bring you anything from the places he visits?"

Girl: "Yeah he normally does."

Me: "Let me guess, I bet this time he'll bring you Turkey!"

To which some classmates rolled their eyes and she smiled and said she was a vegetarian, but it was a funny joke. I think I made a great first impression.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeremiah1119
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2015
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Sandwich dad

So I'm 25 years old, work full time, live at home, and my dad still makes my lunch. Today I texted my dad after I bit into my turkey sandwich because something seemed to be different about this turkey. My dad proceeded to classically dad joke me.

Me: weird turkey

Dad: blackened

Me: idk how I feel about it

Dad: think the turkey felt the same way

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eggplantparm789
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2015
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President Obama's 2016 Turkey-Pardon Dad Jokes: The Definitive List

[from NPR-- this sub doesn't allow link posts]

The annual turkey pardon is a silly tradition, and President Obama knows it. On Wednesday, before pardoning turkeys named Tater and Tot, Obama summed up his feelings about this particular duty.

"It is my great privilege β€” well, it's my privilege β€” actually, let's just say it's my job to grant them clemency this afternoon," Obama said.

Not in attendance for the president's final turkey pardoning ceremony were first daughters Sasha and Malia Obama, who gamely laughed alongside their father last year. So instead, the president's nephews Austin and Aaron Robinson stood by for what Obama called his "corny-copia of dad jokes about turkeys."

And thus began a pun-fest for the ages. Here's a list of President Obama's groaners from this year's pardoning ceremony:

"Actually [Sasha and Malia] just couldn't take my jokes anymore. They were fed up."

"What I haven't told them yet is we are going to do this every year from now on. No cameras, just us, every year. No way I'm cutting this habit cold turkey."

"Tater is here in a backup role just in case Tot can't fulfill his duties. So he's sort of like the vice turkey. We're working on getting him a pair of aviator glasses."

"I want to take a moment to recognize the brave turkeys who weren't so lucky. Who didn't get to ride the gravy train to freedom. Who met their fate with courage and sacrifice and proved that they weren't chicken."

[After touting positive economic indicators and the low uninsured rate] "That's worth gobbling about."

"We should also make sure everyone has something to eat on Thanksgiving. Of course, except the turkeys, because they're already stuffed."

"When somebody at your table tells you that you've been hogging all of the side dishes, you can't have any more, I hope that you respond with a creed that sums up the spirit of a hungry people: 'Yes, we cran.' "

"Look, I know there are some bad ones in here, but this is the last time I'm doing this, so we're not leaving any room for leftovers."

"And now from the Rose Garden, Tater and Tot will go to their new home at Virginia Tech, which is admittedly a bit hokey." (The Hokies are the Virginia Tech mascot.)

"And so let's get on with the pardoning. Because it's Wednesday afternoon and everyone knows that Thanksgiving traffic can put people in a foul mood."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/see2keroppi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2017
🚨︎ report

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