A lumberjack asks a tree if he can have some wood...

The tree responds, "What Fir?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KABOOM3EP
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2021
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I wood like to say a tree pun,

but I am going to branch off to different jokes and leaf you alone.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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That tree’s got some wood
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ainttellinnobody
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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Two lumberjacks were cutting wood. One of them shouted at the other over the noise of the chainsaw, β€œWhat was the name of that tree ring dating app you were using?”

The other replied, β€œTiiiiimmmber!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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A lumberjack went into a magic forest to gather wood. As he found the perfect tree to cut down, he began sharpening his axe, and the tree exclaimed, β€œNO! Don’t chop me down! I’m a talking tree!”

The lumberjack responded, β€œAnd you will dialogue.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/articElite0
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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Did you hear the one about the tree that fell in the woods?

I didn't either.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/idrawstone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2023
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What historic luxury cars were made with wood from trees?

Cords

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2022
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A lumberjack goes into the woods and picks out a tree to cut down.

Just as he swings back his ax to begin his first chop, the tree cries out : "Wait! Don't cut me down! I am a talking tree!"

The lumberjack momentarily stunned stops, but then goes back to chopping down the tree saying, "Well then mate. I guess you're going to just have to dialog!"

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lodiman77
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2021
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If a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it

It means my illegal logging business is a success

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/taylorgs12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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Sonic the hedgehog with some ferntastic puns
πŸ‘︎ 939
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2022
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Tourists are flocking to the Statue of Liberty after they covered it in camouflage netting

I can't see the attraction myself

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flopsychops
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2022
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The tree finally found a good therapist…

It wanted to get to the root of its problems.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sid_the_Hamster
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2023
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What did the woodcutter say to the talking tree?

You will dialogue.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KBDFan42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2023
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What happened when the forest farted?

Everyone wanted to leaf.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onleft
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2023
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Did you know that pine trees are the sexiest of all plants?

You can look up their skirts, down their tops, and they give you wood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NefariousNik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2022
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I hate tree puns,

I believe they're rooted in evil

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sdrawkcab7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2022
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If you are in the woods, how do you tell if a tree is a dogwood?

By its Bark

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nautiwow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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What is the scariest tree?

BamBOO!

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/K1ll47h3K1n9
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2022
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It's time
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
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Why do people care only when a tree falls in the woods?

Trees spring, winter and summer in the woods too (Because they're stationery).

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/turddicken
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2015
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What did one tree say to the other tree?

I "wood" not know because trees don't talk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2022
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What is the tree's secret?

Woodn't you like to know

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πŸ‘€︎ u/squashedblossoms
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2021
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Takoda is just named chief of the northern Nyuktuk Tribe

One of the natives asks him if it's going to be a cold winter. Takoda, being a new chief, doesn't know the tricks of determining the weather from the animals, clouds, trees, etc. but he also doesn't want to look naive so he says "yes I think it's going to be cold, so gather some wood." The townspeople thus head out to get wood.

When all the townspeople leave, the chief calls the weather station and asks if it's going to be a cold winter in Nyuktuk. The guy at the weather office says "hold on a second." He comes back and says "yes it appears like it will be a cold winter."

When the townspeople come back Takoda says to them "it's going to be a colder weather than I first thought. Go gather more wood."

So the townspeople head out to get more wood. But the chief is still not sure. So he calls back the weather station and asks if they are sure. The weatherman says "one second" then comes back on and says "it's definitely going to be a cold winter." So when the townspeople return, Chief Takoda tells them to go out and gather all the wood they can find.

But after they all the townspeople leave, the chief is still not sold. So he calls the weather station and asks if they are sure it's going to be cold in Nyuktuk. The weatherman says that not only will it be cold but it likely will be one of the coldest winters on record. "But how do you know?" the chief asks. The weatherman says "because the Indians are gathering wood like crazy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Budget-Pay3743
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2022
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What did the lumberjack say to the mysterious fallen tree in the middle of the woods?

I'm stumped

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mustachereviews
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2017
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what does a tree do to get off the internet

It logs off

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sus_buzz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2022
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As a lumberjack i know i have cut down 3598 trees

I know because i keep a log of each one

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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Giraffe401
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2021
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I can’t come up with any jokes about cutting down trees.

I’m stumped.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2022
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How did the tree access the internet?

It "logged" on.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KHigdon8303
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2021
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A kid asks his dad, β€œdo trees poop”? The dad answers…

β€œWhere do you think number 2 pencils come from”

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vyse-the-legend
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2021
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How do trees access the internet?

They log in.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FartyMcFry89
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2021
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Do trees poop?

Of course they do, how else would we get number 2 pencils!

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZiggadieZaggadie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2022
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If anyone could truly appreciate my arboreal pun...

Yew wood

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome__wow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2022
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Dad: I really don’t trust these trees

Son: Huh? What? Why?
Dad: They seem kinda…. shady

πŸ‘︎ 408
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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There is something about tree I just dont trust them.

They seam kinda shady

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lorddoodleflaps84
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2021
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There was a man who a had an entirely wooden car. Wooden frame, wooden wheels, wooden engine. Did he ride it? No.

It wooden start.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MonkeyLord_11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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true dad joke moment

While talking to a cop about bad excuse for having drugs, the cop told me he chased one guy though the woods and found needles on him. He asked the guy where they came from and the guy said "they must have got in his pocket in the woods." The cop said to me "like they fell out of the trees and into his pocket" and I immediately asked if they were pine needles. I giggled. He rolled his eyes

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2022
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Quick. I need to know a type of fluid that comes from a tree.

ASAP

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2017
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I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.

Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/assafstone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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i wrote a self help book for trees

its called how not to become a book

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmyjaymes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
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I see trees of green...

green trees there too

I see the trees

and they are green too

and I think to myself

I am lost in these woods

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Albus_Veritas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2021
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So... A woman got the first ever wooden breast implants yesterday

it would of been funny if this joke had a punchline wooden tit

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drew442
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2015
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β€œHow long have you been chopping wood for?”

β€œNot sure. Let me check the logs.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2018
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I was told that faith comes from within

So I've been eating nothing but tree branches. I told my pastor about this.

He said "That'd just leave you stuffed with plant matter, wood in it?"

"Some," I replied. "But I really feel it in my gut - most of it now be leaves."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlkeneThiol
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2021
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Good one from my dad: "I can cut wood by just looking at it"

Came up during a conversation about having a bonfire

Dad "Here's something you might not have known about me, I can cut wood by just looking at it"

Me, fully expecting a dad joke: "I don't believe you but would you care to elaborate"

Dad: "Its true! I saw it with my own eyes"

He giggled to himself for about 10 minutes after that one.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sb95500
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2016
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As a lumberjack, I know that I’ve cut exactly 2,417 trees.

I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TF79870
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, β€œWait! I’m a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, β€œAnd you will dialogue!"

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
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