If I told you I knew a convoluted joke about a golf club, a sheep, a stinging insect, a tree, and that scary clown movie...

Wood ewe bee leaf It?

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Tree joke

Did you hear Santa got charged for flying around the yew forest? He was charged with evasion of taxus.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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I wish tree jokes were more poplar
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thug_Lawyer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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My 8 year old cousins best joke yet: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hippoplatypus7
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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I would tell you a joke about a tree...

But it's too acorny!

Ha! Funny stuff there!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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Why wasn’t the Tree joke funny?

It stumped everybody

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashtehstampede
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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Tree joke

I was volunteering at a tree-identification event at a local park with about 15 people from work when I chimed in on the following exchange.

Leader: Alright, we've identified a couple of types of maplewood. Can anyone tell me what kind of tree THIS is? (points to a tree)

Someone: is it... it's a Dogwood?

Leader: Very good! Can anyone tell us how we know that it's a Dogwood?

Me: Because of its... bark.

Everyone: groans into laughter

I took a bow (or bough).

πŸ‘︎ 230
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lucifurnace
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2016
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Corny Tree Joke

My dad and I are working at our farm. He's cutting trees down and I'm burning them. We're taking a break together when he says, "Well, I better go cut the rest of those poplar trees down." He stands up and starts walking towards the trees. He gets a few steps away and says, "They're poplar trees because all the other trees like them." He's such a funny guy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andvoila
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2013
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I was going to tell you a joke about trees...

But it was to sappy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DustyThunder11235
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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What is green and fuzzy and if it falls out a tree it'll kill you?

A pool table.

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πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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Wife says I won’t get 5 upvotes for this, but... Did you hear the one about the dog and the tree?

They had a long conversation about bark.

Edit: Y'all are nuts! We're somewhere north of 10k upvotes now, so I'll direct any remaining attention to Boot Camp for New Dads.

πŸ‘︎ 25k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amalgamxtc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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What kind of tree is the best for blocking water?

An evergreen

πŸ‘︎ 336
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7bladesofgrass
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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Can you help me write a punchline for a joke about trees?

Because I'm Stumped!

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Murphy223
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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My lumberjack friend told me that he'd cut down a total of 13,207 trees.

When I asked how he managed to keep count,

He replied, "I keep a log"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DementedOak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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A joke about breast implants made from trees would be funny

Wouldn’t it

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
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Dyslexic jokes about trees are O. A. K.
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
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I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.

Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/assafstone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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Every time I go to the liquor store, a dude comes out of nowhere to give me advice on what to buy.

He’s my spirit guide.

Edit: Thanks guys.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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I tried to tell my son a joke about trees.

He said, "wood you kindly knot?"

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doctor_Oceanblue
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2018
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The internet connection in my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.

Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.

πŸ‘︎ 740
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: I really don’t trust these trees

Son: Huh? What? Why?
Dad: They seem kinda…. shady

πŸ‘︎ 409
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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A joke about trees...

wood that be something you are pining for or should this joke just leaf because it's barking up the wrong subreddit?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2076baseballbat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
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I’m really loving the tree puns people are posting

They’re just such lightwooded jokes but I understand that it doesn’t teaks everyone’s fancy. I’m running out of tree puns so I might have to branch off to other puns or spruce up my current ones

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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Two owls were sitting in opposite trees and hooting at each other while we were walking on a research trip. My professor earned dad joke gold.

I suggested the male owl was trying to mate with the female. My friend said no, they were probably married and it was a domestic dispute. Our professor said, "maybe someone forgot to pay their owlimony."

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2015
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I clean all my weapons with tree sap.

Some say I’m crazy, but I’m sticking to my guns.

πŸ‘︎ 315
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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If a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it

It means my illegal logging business is a success

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/taylorgs12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the sex tree?

Ehh, it’s not that interesting; just another fuckin’ tree.

(This one is a great-grandpa joke, so dad^3)

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Some Christmas Dad Jokes

Why are Santas reindeer generally drenched with water?

Because they are rain-deer.

Why did Santa have to visit the psychologist?

He had low elf esteem.

source

Why are Christmas trees so uncoordinated when it comes to sewing?

They always drop their needles.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a hungry mosquito?

Frostbite

​What did Adam say to Eve on the night before Christmas day?

It's Christmas Eve!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmantis311
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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My wife saw an ant picking up a leaf 5 times its body weight, and told me, β€œCan you imagine being that strong?”

So I picked up the leaf and said, β€œYes.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, β€œWait! I’m a talking tree!"

The lumberjack grinned, β€œAnd you will dialogue!"

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
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Edgar Allan Poe is about to run into a tree. What do you yell at him?

POETRY!

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1TallTXn
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
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β€œHow long have you been chopping wood for?”

β€œNot sure. Let me check the logs.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do you never see hippos hiding in trees?

Because they're very good at it.

EDIT: If your looking for animal jokes, read the comments section.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__Odelay__
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2018
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If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoldenEmerald67
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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Point finger: β€œwhat’s that?”

My two year old pointed across the street and asked, β€œwhat’s that?”

I tried to guess and he is often trying to learn the names of things. β€œA tree? A car? Grass? A bird?”

No to all of them.

Then he said, β€œit’s a finger.”

I got dad joked by my two year old.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Good one from my dad: "I can cut wood by just looking at it"

Came up during a conversation about having a bonfire

Dad "Here's something you might not have known about me, I can cut wood by just looking at it"

Me, fully expecting a dad joke: "I don't believe you but would you care to elaborate"

Dad: "Its true! I saw it with my own eyes"

He giggled to himself for about 10 minutes after that one.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sb95500
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2016
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Which is stretchier -- rubber or skin?

Skin, because Jesus tied his ass to a tree and walked to Jerusalem.

(A mom joke! By my 88-year-old church-going mother-in-law.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MintOtter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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I usually don't tell dad jokes...

But when I do,he laughs.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deathshotCS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2017
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Why can't the T-rex clap?

Because it's dead.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LiquidZeroEA
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2017
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How did the tree feel in spring?

Releaved

πŸ‘︎ 867
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πŸ‘€︎ u/captainkrinking
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2018
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I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
As a lumberjack, I know that I’ve cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Reddit Obligations:

I don't have any original material at the moment, but the obligations are still there. So I present the following:

How do you get a baby satellite to sleep? You rocket!

Why was Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

Eggs don't tell jokes because they always crack up.

What's a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!

What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, he still won't come

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bross-Hog
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree could kill you?

A pool table!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
After I got a new leather messenger bag, my Dad asked "Do you know what the number 1 use of cow hide is?"

"Holding cows together"

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Battle_Claiborne
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2016
🚨︎ report

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