My 14 y/o stepdaughter is a dad...

(This just transpired: I got sweaty cleaning out my shower and walked into the hall to cool off.)

Me to my SO: Shower is clean.

SO: oh good. Ew. You're gross

Me: yeah. I'm sweating.

14 y/o from down the hall in her room while painting her nails yells: "HI SWEATING!"

(I'm so proud)

👍︎ 80
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📅︎ Aug 11 2019
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Last night, at dinner in Mississippi

Last night, here in Mississippi, when I was at dinner, I encountered the strangest woman. She would sip her drink so loudly you could hear it across the room. Then when her soup came out, she brought the bowl to her mouth and took long sips. Then even when they brought out her ice cream dessert, she waited for it to melt and proceeded to sip that too!
When I watched all of this transpire, all that I could think to myself was

"Wow that Miss is sippy."

👍︎ 6
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📅︎ Feb 13 2018
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What do you call a confused vampire

A transpire

👍︎ 10
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👤︎ u/54H60-77
📅︎ Mar 28 2018
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GF got me good this morning

We both got off shift in the am and we're hanging out and being cute when this transpired.

Me: I love you. Her: I hope so. Me: I wouldn't be here if I didn't. Her: Yeah you would, it's your house.

We both laugh. More so me to the point that she asked me if I'm okay.

👍︎ 4
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📅︎ Oct 21 2015
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Suit

Me and a friend had somehow gotten the bear in the big blue house goodbye song stuck in our heads.

I go to look up the official version and this transpires:

Friend:So is that just a guy in a suit?

Me: No, it's a guy in a BEAR suit.

👍︎ 4
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👤︎ u/forcefx
📅︎ Feb 11 2015
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Collective Groaning at Lunch Today...

I was eating lunch with my two friends and one of their dads today. The dad picks up a french fry from his plate and announces to the table:

"I can turn this fry into a dragon."

The entire table knew something groan-inducing was about to transpire.

(Holds the fry up and shows the table) "See, it's a fry now."

(Starts rubbing the fry against the table top) "And now it's a draggin'."

Faces leapt into palms and collective groaning was had.

👍︎ 2
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👤︎ u/betabot
📅︎ Nov 11 2014
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Dad's first dad joke

So my dad just made the first dad joke I can remember. Here's how it transpired. We're sitting talking about a movie we had just got from Netflix.

Me: So what is it about? Dad: 2 hours

Dammit it's starting

👍︎ 4
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📅︎ Jun 21 2014
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