Some of them were pretty strange: only he could understand them and explaining the 'pun' to somebody else would take like half an hour. Anyway-
He said, "So I'll go first?"
I said sure.
I think he took "pun-a-thon" a bit too literally - he took out a marker and drew a point, and then he kept drawing this straight line (he's good at drawing straight lines) while taking how many ever steps back. I for one was concerned, because first off I didn't know how long I'd have to stick around for this, and second of all, I didn't know if I could clean the mess he'd inevitably leave behind.
He kept drawing this line! We stepped out of my living room, then my apartment which was on ground-level, and he kept drawing it. He drew his line all the way through the corridor, up until the entrance to the building, and when I kept asking him if he's done yet, he didn't say a word. I had to keep subtly reassuring security and everyone who was staring at my friend hunched over like that robot from Wall-E.
He stepped out of the building and kept on drawing his line. At this point I was trying to guess what the hell is the outcome. I kept screaming punchlines at him like "is this where you draw the line?", "are you going to punch me after this so this is a punchline?" and shit like that. There were people following us and two were taking videos and it was really fucking uncomfortable.
Right after he was outside the building and the premises, he started to draw this stunning drawing of the building right on the pavement. It was almost magical, as if he had been commissioned to make an ad for my place but for a million bucks. At this point the people who were following us didn't even get pissed off because they were so engrossed in his drawing. I was surprised the marker kept going on.
After about 20 minutes - he was a real quick draw (no pun intended) - he stood up and a crowd of two dozen clapped and cheered for him.
I told him, "Dude that looks fucking amazing, but I thought we were in a pun-a-thon. Why such a long set-up?"
He replied, "Yeah it was pretty drawn out."
(for more drawn-out jokes like this, visit r/feghoot!)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Now no one can get down.
Ainβt nobody rolling shit around here
I have shellfish eating habits
turned himself around.
So much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.
you could go to jail for a very long time?
When he saw the main course, he sure looked steamed!
Bangor?
Well, yes I did actually.
"Tanks a lot!"
I lost the case
"It's this job! I hate it!"
but afterwards, I never looked back.
It's certainly better than sitting around doing nothing.
They especially enjoyed watching the clowns.
We won a backstage tour after the show, and happened to notice that all the people who were tallying up the tickets and sales were dressed as clowns, and happened to be little people...but none of them had been in the performances. When I asked the tour guide why they were dressed up even though they werenβt in the show, he replied, βDonβt you know? Itβs the little jesters that countβ.
The hostess asked us if we had a reservation. Without missing, a beat my dad said, βNo, I am fully confident I want to eat here.β
Would it be faster... Or abit sluggish?
... so I had to console him.
It was a shawl shank redemption
My own fault though, I kept her out too long.
Mechanic: sounds like a flat
Me: actually sounds more like an F-sharp to me
Personally, I didn't find it funny at all.
It was my entire life savings,
It was very well clamoflaged
My doctor calls it Irritable Pal Syndrome.
Dad: Why did u come back then?
β...cereal killer.β
I guess it was stoolen
I hope you face time soon.
I was nowhere to be seen.
....not sure whose it was, it's mine now.
Does anyone know how I can get it back?
one arm is shorter than the other
Turns out 100% of people get angry when their tents fall down.
He told me it was the only job he could see himself doing.
The plane flavor!
To be honest, his Sinatra wasn't that bad.
SUPPLIES!
It was a hard day
but the furniture was real
