A list of puns related to "Tongues Out"
"I'm on antidepressants."
He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.
Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.
The cold shoulder
Doctor: Let me take a look. Turn around. Ok, now turn back around. Hmmm... I see. You have a case of Zachary's disease.
Me: Zachary's disease? What's that?
Doctor: Your face looks Zachary like your ass.
I don't know what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.
Eye, Yam, Stew, Peed
Gimme two fried eggs.
Good dog
She said "Try it with the tongue out" I said "It'th nho ghood, it'th thtill thoo thight".
"No thanks, I use toilet paper."
A guy limps into a bar and orders a beer. "What's wrong with you?" the bartender asks. "New dress shoes," the guy replies. "Turns out they are too tight." The bartender looks at the shoes and advises, "Try pulling the tongue out a bit."Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth."
I’m worried about my cousin. He’s 28 with a good job. Has a lot in common with me (nerdy habits: board games, gaming conventions, anime etc). Unfortunately I have recently learned that he is one of those poor souls obsessed with Belle Delphine. Apparently it started out innocently enough. My cousin is into cosplay. He’s into girls. Ooh, there’s cosplay girls on the internet? What began as a YouTube channel subscription and a few dozen likes on Instagram has progressed into something much more serious. This man is spending money. My cousin’s social media accounts have recently featured pictures of him with his Belle Delphine merch. T-shirts, body pillows, there’s even some kind of bed spread/comforter with her googly-eyed tongue-outy face on it. Did you know that Belle Delphine briefly partnered with Tom’s shoes for a limited edition series of footwear? I knew that, because my cousin won’t shut up about how he bought them all. He’s got at least three jars of dirty bath water and a gaming keyboard with her face on it. It’s really sad. I think the isolation of the pandemic really exacerbated his behavior. He says that he and Belle are destined to be together. For my part, I’m telling him that this isn’t healthy behavior, and I’m encouraging him to seek counseling. I’m convinced he has a mental health issue like Obsessive Love Disorder or Erotomania. Afterall, he does have all of the Simp Toms.
[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition
This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.
The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.
The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.
When I got there, I took out my little brown bottle along with a teaspoon and laid them both onto the counter. The Pharmacist came over smiled and asked if he could help me. I said, “Yes! Could you please taste this for me?” Being I’m a Senior Citizen, I guess the Pharmacist just went along with me. He picked up the spoon and put a tiny bit of the liquid on his tongue and swilled it around. Then with a stomach-churning look on his face he spit it out on the floor and began coughing, gagging and turning green. When he finally was finished, I looked him right in the eye asked, “Now, does that taste sweet to you?” The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, “HELL NO!!!” So I said, “Oh thank God! That’s such a relief! My Doctor told me to have a Pharmacist test my Urine for sugar!”
Me: What does Ronald McDonald do when he's angry?
Her: (sigh) What??
Me: He McGrrrrs
Her: (groan) please stop......
Me: Does that make you Grimace? (Chuckles)
Her: swift elbow to my ribs You tell me! * Sticks tongue out*
It's either pictures of birds or things like these:
"Did you hear about the hipster who burnt his tongue? He ate pizza way before it was cool!"
"I heard they found that girl Amber who was missing." (There was an Amber alert in MD that day)
"Know what happens when you take "the" out of psychotherapist."
"If life gives you melons, You might be dyslexic."
"Six more weeks of winter isn't so bad when you consider the official first day of spring is seven weeks away."
"At first, I hated the speed bump they put in my front street... But I'm slowly getting over it."
"Why is it impossible for a horse to major in philosophy? You can't put DeCartes before the horse!"
"Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank gourmet coffee before it was cool."
"Q. How many Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Fish"
"I was going to take all of my old watches and hook them together to make a belt... But then I realized that would be a waist of time."
"Why all the fuss about the Redskins changing their name.
Just change the mascot to a Potato.
Then it's not only un-offensive but delicious."
"I think the NSA is spying on me. They're leavesdropping in my yard."
The doctor brought out the tongue depressor
While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I never seed nobody done it.'
Suddenly there was pandemonium everywhere. The guards on duty ushered us out of the gates just as a horde of inmates began climbing over the barrier wall.
One by one they dropped down disappearing into the brush. Just as I looked up, a midget in an orange jumpsuit stuck his tongue out at me and gave me the finger as he came down.
I thought to myself, "Well that's a little con descending."
The waiter responded, “Cow tongue. It is very tender and has great flavor.”
The man was very upset and said, “That’s disgusting. I’m not going to eat something that came out of a cow’s mouth! Give me two fried eggs instead!”
My son was a councilor at a summer camp for kids.
One day he came home from work and told me that he heard me come out of his mouth twice in one day.
Whenever we drove somewhere with the kids, the answer to the inevitable question, "how much longer till we get there", was 20 minutes, whether it was 5 minutes or 5 hours.
So, they were taking a bus load of kids to the baseball stadium and one kid asked, "how much longer till we get there", and my son almost bit his own tongue off when he heard himself say , "20 minutes".
While they were waiting on line to enter the stadium, another kid asked, "How long do we have to wait?" My son answered, "four minutes and 60 seconds." This elicited the response, "That's too long," to which he replied, "well how about five minutes".
He tried to bash his own head against the rocks.
I'm so proud. :-)
My son is just starting to walk from furniture item to furniture item. My wife comments to me that he is also teething, so his tongue is out.
Wife: he's linking the furniture. Me: does it taste good. Wife (speaking in a high voice as my son): I don't think so dad. Me: are you saying your parents don't have good tastin' furniture?
Wife starts laughing uncontrollably.
My wife asked "How'd you make out?"
I replied "With lots of tongue."
It was pretty hot so my dog as his tongue out. A little boy and his mother was passing by and the kid go "hey this is a beautiful dog but why does it have black spot on his tongue ?" and then my dad answer "Oh it's because he ate a pencil when he was a puppy". The kid totally bought it.
"Don't dare get any of this on your forehead, your tongue will beat your brains out trying to get to it". For 20 years I have hoped for a new joke, at least the meats are tasty.
Quote from "A Feast for Crows," between Arya Stark and a guy known only as the kindly man at this point in the book:
“Will you show me how to change my face?”
“If you wish.” He cupped her chin in his hand and turned her head. “Puff up your cheeks and stick out your tongue.”
Arya puffed up her cheeks and stuck out her tongue.
“There. Your face is changed.”
Daughter: I can't get these Frozen songs out of my head. (continues singing)...
Me: Stick your tongue to the roof of your mouth... that will help.
...daughter tells me I'm "the asshole of dadjokes" :/
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