I keep forgetting that Tom Petty passed away and it makes me sad

He don’t come around here no more

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theichel24
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
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What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?

One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RockyCrayon6625
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Why are peeping Toms are having a difficult time with the pandemic?

Because it’s very hard for them to lurk from home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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My friend has been really sad ever since Tom Petty died.

That’s why he don’t come around here no more.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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Did you know in Germany the Tom Cruise movie β€˜The Firm’ is the sequel to Die Hard?

Die Firma

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maximumfunpriv
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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Why couldn’t the peeping tom climb mountains?

Because he always peaked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rabid_Badger_83
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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If Tom Cruise owned a liquor store, what would he call it?

Whiskey Business

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Olaffubbuffalo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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Why didn’t Tom Petty like fly fishing?

The wading is the hardest part.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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A girl potato told her parents she was marrying Tom Brokaw, but they forbid it because...

He was just a common-tater.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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Tom Bro Cow
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danarchist
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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What do you call a gay Mexican peeping tom?

Peeko-da-guyo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fluffnubs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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"Do you have any nicknames, Tom?"

I said, "Well, there's Nicholas...Nicky..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Does Tom Cruise look like this?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hicxs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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Frank is fed up with toms puns. Tom was never seen again

β€œI have split personality” said Tom being Frank.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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"It's a pleasure to be here as the keynote speaker for 'The Purple Fruit Growers Association'" said Tom

with much aplomb.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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Tom absolutely loves tractors

A little boy named Tom was approaching his 3rd birthday, and absolutely adored the show "Tractor Tom", partially because of his name being spoken, and partially because he loved tractors.

As the day drew nearer, his parents decided to buy him a toy tractor as a gift. The rest of his toys were gone with the wind at this point, as Tom spent all his waking hours playing with this one tractor toy.

Fast forward a few years, and Tom's now approaching his 10th birthday, with his love for tractors intact and intensified. His parents discuss what to get for him, and decide that a ride-on tractor to replace his bike is the best gift they can give him.

Tom absolutely loves the gift, and spends all of his time out of school riding around the neighbourhood while his bike collects dust in the garage.

We come forward a few more years, as Tom approaches his 18th birthday, with an only intensified adoration of tractors. His father pulls him aside on the morning of his birthday, saying "Now son, I know that we've promised you a car, but we know what you really want."

He leads him outside, to a brand new tractor with a bow on it, saying that this is his welcome to adulthood.

Tom is beyond excited, and spends the next few months going everywhere in his tractor - grocery trips, bars, classes, friends' houses.....

Again, a few years later, Tom is driving down a back country road, in the middle of nowhere, with his tractor, in the middle of a storm. The tractor breaks down, and with no air conditioning or any form of modern comforts, Tom is in a miserable mood until someone finally comes past for him to flag down for help. After this, Tom realises that although tractors are fun, maybe they're not the best transport method out there.

Tom ages through a few more years, and finds himself driving down another road in the middle of nowhere in his car, and sees a house on fire just off the road. Being a good samaritan, he pulls over and heads up the driveway to a woman running out of the house screaming "Please, help, help! My baby is trapped in there! Go and call 911, please!"

Tom turns around, then, before leaving, has a brainwave.

He turns back and walks towards the flames, saying "Don't worry, ma'am, I've got this."

He takes a deep breath in, and the fire disappears into nothingness. As you'd expect, the woman is in awe, and asks, "Oh my God, how did you do that?!"

Tom simply responds, "Well you see ma'am, I'm an extractor fan."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asurarkt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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Did you hear about Tom, the guy who lost two of his toes in an accident with red acidic fruit?

They call him Tom eight toes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDoge55545
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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I keep having dreams about Tom Jones

"is that common?"

It's not unusual

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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My couain asked for clothes, I said lets go to Tom

Hilfiger it out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ftejadal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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[OC] Credit for the joke goes to my friend, Tom Jackson.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToughBeingAPig
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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True Story: Tom Hanks & wife, Rita Wilson, were just diagnosed with Coronavirus (seriously).

They should really be Castaway.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

The pickpocket snatches your watch. The peeping tom does the opposite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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Why is O scared of Tom?

Because tomatoes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SherlockHomeles
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom?

The dirtiest clean joke I know...

What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom?

A pick pocket snatches watches.

Credit to Redd Foxx

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddit4nag
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Why wouldn’t Ms. Potato Head marry Tom Brokaw?

He was just a common-tater.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bullhead20
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
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Tom Cruise is minute.

That's what I named my pet Amphibian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/orduk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
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Doctor, Doctor. I can’t stop sex bomb by Tom Jones.

Doctor: Sounds like you might have Tom Jones syndrome.

Me: Is it common?

Doctor: It’s not unusual.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freddy_1986
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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Keira Knightley and Tom Daley got divorced.

Their schedules were too different.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErwtEnBernie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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If Tom Cruise and Terry Crews sold tickets for a meet and greet on a Ship headed for Mexico, they'd advertise the Cruise-Crews Cruise to Veracruz.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Tamassran_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
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I met Tom Hanks today!

I asked for his autograph, but all he wrote was β€˜thanks’...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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I had a recurring nightmare that I was fighting Jason Bourne, Will Hunting, and Tom Ripley, but now I’m ok.

I finally battled my Damons.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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If Tom is short for Thomas

Is mom short for mhomas?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WaruiIan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you guys know that, in Germany, the Tom Cruise 'The Firm' is actually just the Die Hard sequel?

Die Firma

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maximumfunpriv
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œI have a split personality,” said Tom, being Frank.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deanosuprema
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know how common the "Tom Jones Syndrome" is?

It's not unusual.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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My cousin asked for clothes, i replied "Let's go to Tom....

...Hilfiger it out"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ftejadal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
🚨︎ report

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