At the end of the trial, the convicted Mr. Potato Head was sentenced to death by guillotine.
He would soon be decapitatered.
My wife, Joyce, started sending me to-do lists via email while she is away. She was adamant on me confirming them done with her at the end of the day.
Time to relax, and RE : Joyce
My wife tried to tell me that finding a grey pubic hair wasn’t the end of the world
but this one was on my McDonalds hamburger.
daughter: "dad, why did you tape a little paper crown to the end of my ruler"
me: "..."
daughter: "..."
me: smiles
daughter: walks away
"Honey, can you get off of your video game and take the old recliner to the end of the road for trash collection?" Dad leaves for two hours. "I found a cat, raked the lawn up the street and changed someone's flat tire!" "Why is the old recliner still on the porch?"
"I always level up via side missions before starting the main quest!"
If you go from one end of the pool, to the other end, what's the word for coming back ?
I thought it would be funny to award the winner with a golden statue of a feline rear end...
But it was a catasstrophy
The blue whale is so huge, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court....
The game would be cancelled.
As his vacation came to an end, Username went to the front desk of the hotel to settle his bill.
Why Don't We Have a Reality Show Where Flat Earthers Walk to the End of the Earth?
Because that would be edgy
I was at a high-end burger joint where you even got to choose the type of bun you wanted. I was going to get the kaiser, but changed my mind at the last minute and went with the brioche.
It was quite the roll reversal.
So I just found out that Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, loves to taking part in Nativity plays. He’s been a shepherd, the inn keeper and one year, he even played the rear end of the donkey...
But he never made it as a wise man
I know times are tough for a lot of people right now. All over the planet, humanity struggles with problems that seem to never go away... just remember, you can always rest assured that at the end of the day...
how did Leia know to help Luke at the end of empire?
She could sense he needed a hand
A movie director is trying to get a driving scene recorded by the end of the day
to encourage everyone, he says “let’s get this road on the show”
Two doctors are standing at the end of two parallel piers. Which one do you go to in a medical emergency?
It’s quite the pair of docs on a pair of docks paradox.
You know, this happens every year. I tell myself it’s the end of the Christmas season and not to get too emotional. The holiday season has to end sometime and we have a whole new year ahead. But still, when I take down the tree…
I can’t help but get a little sappy.
What did one mechanic say to the other mechanic when he told him about the end of cars?
A guy goes fishing and has nothing to show for at the end of a long day.
On his way home, he stops by at the grocery store and asks the store assistant: "Do you mind throwing me that fish?"
What did *Paul Newman* say to Mark Hamill at the end of Ep V?
I dont want to stick around for the end of the world
I fail everyday to reach for work on time in the morning. I end up sleeping right through the buzzing clock.
What an alarming situation.
We survived 2020, only to find out in the end that 2021. And if that doesn’t beat all, it turns out next year is …..
2022
Disclaimer: reconstructed joke
I was having a debate with a flat earther and he stormed off saying he was going to walk to the end of the world to prove me wrong.
I’m sure he will come around sooner or later.
They were going to make a second series of the TV show, Ironside, but In the end the lead actor pulled out...
He was tired of being pushed around
Where’s the best place to end a round-the-world race?
I don't want to end the year on bad terms with anyone
What did the person that likes to save money do when reaches the light at the end of the tunnel ?
Went to the city pool and decided to pee in the deep end
Lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in
Towards the end of WW2 the Americans decided to try out an advanced, decisive strategy for war ..
The dad joke to end all dad jokes.
I made a playlist for hiking. It has music from Peanuts, The Cranberries, and Eminem.
I call it my Trail Mix.
Credit: @Dadsaysjokes on twitter
Went to the museum of horror the other day. Made my hair stand on end
All the displays were static.
To prove he was right, the "flat earther" walked to the end of the Earth
He eventually came around
A proctologist wanted to sign some papers at the end of a long day of taking people's temperature when he realized...
Some dirty bum stole his pen.
What do you call it when a language slowly changes over time to the point where by the end it’s an entirely new language with none of the original words?
I had a friend in the publishing industry who made calendars, but I had to end our friendship
He was always getting hung up on little things, and telling me that our days were numbered. I've turned the page.
I hear he's dating someone now though.
"I must say, you are the better than every other applicant we've spoken to so far," said the man at the end of my interview.
"Thanks," I smiled, leaving the room.
Then he poked his head out of the door and said, "OK, would the second candidate like to come in?"
I posted this on r/eyebleach and in the end it got heavily downvoted but I wasn't missing the opportunity to post a terrible pun
I remember standing in solitude, at the end of the long landing overlooking the Pacific Ocean - this disembodied voice was urging me to jump, so I did...
I never could stand up to pier pressure.
The fruit’s relationship had come to end…
She had to let that mango.
You come to the end of the road. North of you is the red house, west is the green house, east is the blue house. Where is the white house?
Sometimes my CCNA gives me golden opportunities for puns. Question to know the answer if by end of section: “what does a successful ping verify?”
Why, the defeat of the hun army and the safety of China of course!
How to tell which end of a worm is the head?
You tickle it. The end that laughs is the head.
Credit: My 7y.o nephew
Why is everyone depressed and ready for the year to end?
Because 2021.
I hope this is OC. Havent looked though.
What did the German soldier say to the French soldier at the end of WWI?
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