When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime
What did the mother melon say to her daughter when she wanted to run away to get married?
A man is found dead in the desert. Cause of death appeared to be dehydration. The police go to his mother's house.
The cannibal said to his mother, "I don't like my vegetables."
Mother says, "well, just eat your wife."
What did the British guy tell his Indian mother when he was going to leave?
What did the psychic say to her mother at the shady auto dealership?
What did the Indian say to his mother after leaving Bombay?
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
How does a nurse greet a mother about to give birth?
Labor & delivery at your cervix!
A little girl turns to her mother and asks, "What is that rasta man cooking behind us?"
The mother turns around to look and says, "I don't know sweetie. What Jamaican?"
Nate's mother asked him to delay the marriage by an year...
she wanted his fiance to mari_nate.
What is a baby deer’s favorite cheese dip to make with his mother?
A friend of mine decided to become a surrogate mother.
She said she had womb to spare.
A child picks up a piece of chocolate and puts it in the shopping cart. The mother takes the chocolate, as it is unhealthy, and puts it down next to the eggs.
For its unhealthy being, it was in eggs-aisle.
A family was out hunting and the mother said it was time to go. The father replied, I’ll be right there, let me just...
My mother’s leg was amputated 2 years ago. I wrote this punderful post to make her smile. It was more than successful and also impressed her doctor.
What does a baby volcano say to his volcano mother?
While giving birth to a set of twins, the mother losses consciousness.
The doctor called in the woman’s brother from the waiting room and asked if he would like to name the children. The brother agrees.
When the mother wakes up, the doctor informs her that her brother has named the children while she was unconscious.
She said “Oh no... my brother is an idiot. What did he name the kids?”
The doctors replied “Well, the girl’s name is Denise!”
“Oh, that’s not so bad! And the boy?”
“Denephew”
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
What did E.Ts mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?"
My wife went to get a pedicure with her mother. She sent me a text saying that they have an exfoliating, foot scrub that has CBD/Hemp oil in it and she was going to try it out...I replied “baby, do you realize that you left the house with slippers on...
But you are coming back with high heels”. Her mom sent me a text asking me what I said that made my wife throw her phone in to her lap and groan aloud. Mission accomplished haha
My mother sent this to me...
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
Dad: “Son, your mother and I are thinking about moving to a square island.”
Son: “Wow really? Can I come too?”
Dad: “Four shore!”
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
What holiday do we celebrate in May to remember all the mothers we lost in the past year?
My twin brother was being rude to our mother on the phone, so I pushed him out of the window...
Now I am being charged with making an "obscene clone fall"
Since it's Mothers Day weekend, I decided to make sure my wife woke up with a BIG SMILE on her face this morning...
Now I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.
What did the redditor say to his mother while waiting for her to get the automobile out of the garage?
Get the kar-ma!
I’ll see myself out.
I left it late to get a gift for my mum for Mother’s Day. Ended up at a petrol station. I bought her some Lorry Oil...
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
A mother said to her son, "Look at that kid over there, he's not misbehaving"
The son replied, "Maybe he has good parents then"
What did the Indian kid say to his mother when she left India?
My mother always used to say "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach"
Nice lady and all, I truly loved her, but a terrible surgeon
What do you call it when all your mother's sisters gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
What did the young Toyota say to his mother when she asked what he wanted for dinner?
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
It turns out that identity theft is a crime.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
She didn't laugh but I hope you folks did.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
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