What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Don’t mind him. He is just a product of our times.
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
A Mexican magician tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of 3.
He says, “uno, dos..” and then POOF he disappeared without a tres…
My friend found a deer stuck in a fence. It took him 3 hours, but he was able to rescue it.
He’ll do anything for a buck.
My wife and I watched 3 movies back to back last night.
Luckily I was the one facing the screen.
My 3.5 year olds favourite joke: how do the oceans say hello to each other?
My 3 yr old just cracked me up with this joke as I was putting him to bed
Why did the tree moo?
Because there was a cow stuck in it!
Hippie gets 3 months late on rent...So the landlord knocks on his door to let him know he’s being evicted
He opens the door and tells him “Namaste”.
Holiday to-do list: 1) shoot the family 2) hang the kids 3) frame the wife
$129.95 at JC Penny Portrait and Framing Studio
3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with.
So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
3 and 5 seem to no get along.
They seem to be at odds with each other.
I taught my kid to speed read today. He read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 3 hours!
I know its only 6 words.. but its a start!
I once got into a bar fight with the number 1. His friends 3, 5, 7, and 9 showed up to help him.
The odds were against me.
I went to cake shop and all the cakes were £1 except one which was £3...
I asked the shopkeeper why and he said "That's Madeira cake"
Today my wife accidentally pushed flower pot with her elbow. After 3 hours of arguingshe came to a conclusion that
I put it in the wrong place......
3 years ago
Good job coming dad. (3 year old son after he told me to come eat breakfast)
Me: Mommy tells me that all the time.
He has a near photographic memory, I'm hoping one day when he's twenty he coughs out his cold cereal in college as he gets the joke.
I woke up at 3 in the morning, made this, and fell back to sleep.
2, 4 and 6 tried to defeat 3, 5 and 7
But the odds were against them
A genie grants me 3 wishes. I Ask to be rich.
Genie: what is your 2nd wish rich.
How to Catch a Polar Bear: 1)Find a frozen lake 2)Dig a hole in the ice 3)Surround the hole with frozen peas 4)Hide nearby.
When the bear stops to take a pea, kick it in the ice hole!
I went to 3 different stores trying to find some paper towels....
I guess you could call me a Bounty hunter.
What do you say to a teenager that woke up at 3:00 A.M?
What are you doing up so oily?
3 Cannibals were arguing over how to eat a missionary they captured.
Cannibal 1: We should boil him!
Cannibal 2: We should roast him on a spit!
Cannibal 3: No! Can’t you see he’s a Friar?!
The work on Big Ben is meant to take 3 years.
That's a long time considering they're working around the clock.
I was studying to be a doctor for 3 years
But I stopped because I didn't have the patients
I just paid £25 for a 3 mile taxi ride to a launderette...
I feel like I’ve been taken to the cleaners!
A mom angrily told her 4 year old son to say counting if he wanted to get his lunch. So the boy started... 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9 10...
I don't think he need that lunch anymore. He already 8
3 Irishmen walk in to a bar.
You would think the 3rd one would have ducked.
In an attempt to teach him shapes, I told my 2-year-old son to pick out the 3-sided shape with a 90 degree angle. He picked one...
It was the right triangle.
A British man decided to pick up a hitchhiker with no arms, 1 leg and 3 heads.
He says: " 'ello 'ello 'ello, you look 'armless, hop in!"
Did you know that it takes 3 sheep to make one sweater?
Amazing, I didn't even know they could knit.
I had to replace 3 flats on my car...
My wife is teaching my little ones (3/1) about bugs so they wrote “Ant” in honey on a piece of paper to attract them and set it out on the deck. She was sad When we went out to check later that day, only one was there.
You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!
LIFE RANT: yesterday was the first day I’ve been outside my house since coronavirus started, I just wanted to get some Jimmy Johns. It’s been 3 months, I ordered a #16 Club Lulu, something seemed off but by the time I got to the car I realized...
Detective Johnson and detective Smith were investigating a murder that occurred next to a playground. The only witnesses to the murder were four children, a brother age 3 and sister age 4, and a different brother (age 7) and sister (age 8).
The children all lived in a nearby apartment complex. The younger siblings lived in apartment 8D and the older ones lived in apartment 9D. Detective Johnson advised Detective Smith that she probably shouldn’t bother question 8D’s children about what they saw, since they’re too young to have a reliable memory. He believed that Smith would have a better chance of getting good information from the older children, since only 9D’s kids will remember.
Do you know why it took Jesus 3 days to rise from his grave?
It would’ve been the next day, but he had Post Martyr-dom depression.
Guy walks into a tailor shop to pick up his suit. The tailor hands him a jacket and pair of pants. The guy says “But I had a 3-piece suit.”
Tailor says “The vest is yet to come.”
How to start 3 different types of races!
Teddy bear race:Ready Teddy Go!
Goat Race:Ready Steady Goat!
Plant race:Ready Steady Grow!
What did 2 say to 3 when 6 was acting like a dick.
He's just a product of our times
3 men were in a boat. There were 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.
So they threw one into the sea and the whole boat became a cigarette lighter.
What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot ?
"Don't mind him, he's just a product of our times"
There was a Mexican magician who said "I will disappear on the count of 3"! The crowd was silent. He began to count. "Uno... Dos...
and the magician disappeared, with out a trace.
3 guys on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with.
So they throw one of the cigarettes overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
I challenged number 1 to a fight, but he bought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9
3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes and nothing to light them with.
So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but with nothing to light them on.
So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat is a cigarette lighter.
What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?
'Don't mind him, he's just a product of our times.'
I challenged the number 1 to a fight, but he brought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9.
The odds were against me.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
