I saw a man at the supermarket today, throw all the milk, butter, cream and yoghurt off the shelves, in a rage.
A man asks a police officer if it’s a crime to throw sodium chloride in someone’s eyes
Officer: “Yes, that’s assault!”
Man: “I know it’s a salt, but is it a crime?”
The best thing to do with a crying baby is throw them in the air.
Because what goes up must calm down.
How do you throw a party in space?
I was sitting in a bar when a man walked in and proceeded to throw some milk, yoghurt and cheese at me
I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.
I call it my jingle bell rock!
No matter what kind of pasta you throw in a black hole
It all gets spaghettified.
Lawyer - Is it crime to throw salt in someone's eyes?
Judge - Yes, that's assault!
Lawyer - I know it's a salt but is it a crime?
Me: Honey, did you recycle the old computer, or just throw it in the trash?
My boyfriend: Neither. I put it on the .com-post.
Dad, why did you throw all my belts in the garbage?
Because they're waist products.
Two Ninjas are in a cage match to the death. Which team throws in the towel first?
My school going son throws a tantrum everytime I bring up maths and numbers in ordinary conversations
Well, what can i say, kids his age are irrational
If you throw a pair of fins in water, they'll float. But if you throw one Fin in the water
Me: Is it a crime to throw sodium chloride in someone’s eyes?
Judge: yes it’s assault
Me: I know it’s a salt but is it a crime though?
Originally posted by u/CurryMuncher13 on r/Jokes
How much trash do you have to throw in the ocean to make a new country?
Me: *throws hands in resignation*
The guy whose hands I just amputated: *looks at me awkwardly*
Just throw all the chlorine in
We should throw durex in conflicts.
We know they gonna blow up anyway.
I used to randomly sort resumes into 2 piles. One of the piles I'd throw out. The ones in the remaining were lucky enough to go to step 2.
I guess I wasn't much of a police detective.
Did you know back in midevil Russia they had a specific hole that they would throw their rulers in for being too facetious
It was called the tsar chasm
If you are ever in a food fight, throw the peas....
For everyone knows you need to give peas a chance...
When you don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out...
I was surrounded by pigeons in the park that wanted to over throw my sandwich
Parents are supposed to wrap empty boxes to put under the tree. Then when the children are naughty, throw one in the fire.
But what if they run out of children?
Why shouldn't you throw your marshmallow in the fire?
Whenever I see a mime performing on the street, I always make sure I put my hand in my pocket and throw in some invisible money.
I keep having to remind my wife & kids not to throw aluminum in the regular trash.
Their commitment to recycling is uncanny.
Go throw a jar of Hellman's in the Lake!
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade in a French kitchen?
My friend said that he wraps empty boxes to put under the tree. Every time one of his kids acts up,he throws them in the fireplace.
I asked him what happens when he runs out of kids?
I had to throw rotting chicken in the trash.
When you throw a Canadian penny in a wishing well
What do you call a man with no legs or arms when you throw him in the lake
Why shouldn’t you throw litter in the fire?
Because it’ll only get lit-ter
TSA made the woman in front of me throw out her sushi.
I commended them on their valiant efforts to stop a potential SUSHIcide bomber!
Turns out they don't like jokes about that. :(
Made my brother-in-law throw an egg at me:
We're oddly competetive about our omlette-making abilities, so tensions were already high.
Him, attempting to flip an omlette:
"Damn, it folded"
Me:
"Y'know, omlette this one slide, but you better step it up"
I'm sitting in traffic with my dad today when he scoffs, shakes his head, throws up his hand and says "look at THIS clown over here!"
I look over and there is literally a dude in full clown make-up driving a vw bettle next to us. Pop maintained a straight face through the whole thing.
It's common sense that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones
That's broken logic if you ask me
Took my daughter fishing and she asked "why do you throw some of the bait in the water?"
I replied "just giving them a taste, soon they'll be begging for us to HOOK them up"
After I said it, we both laughed for a few minutes and I knew I had to share it with you guys.
Thank you to the Disney employee that noticed my Reddit alien shirt last week and suggested r/dadjokes. I forgot how entertaining this group is :)
Legally Blind Man Throws in a Dad Joke After Gaining his Sight Back (Video)
"What's it like Mark?"
"Eye Opening"
http://youtu.be/3BtKgD6CeA8?t=48s
Me: Is it a crime to throw sodium chloride in your enemy's eyes?
Person: Yes, that's assault.
Me: Yes I know it's a salt, but is it a crime?
I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.
I call it my jingle bell rock.
I always carry a stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October.
I call it my jingle bell rock.
How do you throw a party in space?
How do you throw a party in space?
How do you throw a party in space?
How do you throw a party in space?
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