The story of the three wishes

A genie tells a man: "I shall grant you 3 wishes"

The man says: "I wish for a world without lawyers"

The genie says: "Done. You have no more wishes"

The man protests: "Wait! You said 3!"

The genie replies: "Oh yeah? Sue me πŸ™ƒ"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Complainingg-
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2021
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I found a lamp that said that if I rubbed it, a genie would come out and grant me three wishes, but when I did it nothing happened

I must have rubbed him the wrong way

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cristidablu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2021
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What did the indecisive blind man say when the genie asked him what his three wishes were?

Ummm... let me see...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bhladczuk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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When offered three wishes, the man told the genie β€œI don’t know - maybe some new countertops?”

To which the Genie replied, β€œYour wish is granite.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tigreye007
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
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What's a mystical car that can grant you three wishes?

A lambor-genie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fitzz7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
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A teacher goes for a long walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.

There is a puff of blue smoke and a genie pops out. β€œYou have three wishes. I can give you anything in the world. If I fail, I must become your personal genie for eternity.”

The teacher thinks for a moment and says, β€œFor my first wish, I want jewels. Silver, gold, platinum, whatever you have.” Poof! The jewels appear.

β€œFor my second wish, I want karma. Lots of karma.” Poof! The karma appears.

The genie stares at the teacher, waiting for the third wish. β€œI can give you anything in the world,” he says again.

The teacher thinks for a long time. β€œAs a teacher, I always hated careless mistakes from my students. I noticed that I accidentally wrote β€˜lamb’ instead of β€˜lamp.’ Please correct my mistake.”

The genie moaned in anguish. β€œThis is Reddit,” he shouted. Once you post it, you can’t edit the title.

β€œIn that case,” the teacher smiled, β€œIt looks like I’ve got myself a genie for eternity.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FancyAlligator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2022
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This three legged doggo, whom i wish I could adopt, has a great photography pun name, not too mention a badass story victoriahumanesociety.com…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StoutGirdy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2017
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My grandfather grew up in a small town.

His best friend, Roy, was known around town for having an adventurous streak that a small town just couldn't satisfy. Roy yearned to travel the world, to rub shoulders with the well-to-do, and to squeeze every drop of excitement he could out of life. While most young folk in town, my grandpa included, were resigned to their lot, Roy was driven by his dream. He worked incredibly hard, taking every hired-hand and handy-man job he could find. He would walk five miles each way to clean a gutter if there was a nickel to be made. His hometown was always spotless, because Roy would pick up every glass bottle he saw to get the deposit back, and every can he found would get turned in for recycling.

The years stretched on. Grandpa settled down with his high school sweetheart in a one-room cottage and had my dad, and not much else. Roy kept hurrying from one job to the next, never spending a dime on a date. Everyone would just roll their eyes and quietly gossip about how poor Roy's obsession was robbing him of a real life.

One day, Roy showed up at Grandpa's house, all decked out in a brand new khaki safari kit, complete with helmet, binoculars, and elephant gun, and announced that he had finally saved up enough for passage to Africa to go big game hunting. He was especially proud of the fine leather boots he was sporting. "Indestructable" he called them, totally impenetrable to water, wind, and snow. No trench-foot for him while he tracked rhinos on the savannah!

Grandpa congratulated Roy on his achievement and wished him bon voyage. Over the next three months, the town felt Roy's absence. Litter lay where it fell, gutters overflowed in heavy rain, small-time farmers rose that bit earlier and bedded that bit later to cover the work Roy used to help with. Of course, the gossipers just turned their chat from how Roy needed a dose of reality to how thoughtless it was of him to just up and leave. Most folks were convinced Roy was gone for good. After all, how could he come back from such a high-falutin' adventure to his tiny, no-account hometown?

But return Roy did, and everyone crowded around at the bar to hear his account of his safari. To their surprise, Roy told them that, for all the time he had been away, he only bagged one trophy that was currently on a slow boat back. It turned out, once Roy got a close-up look at the elephants, rhinos, giraffes, gazelles, and all the fine animals of the African savannah, he lost all heart for hunting. He just couldn't imagi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllylTeapot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2022
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A man is walking down the street...

...and as he looks across the road he sees a man with a giant orange head. The man with the giant orange head looks over and smiles, crossing the road to speak to the other man.

"I'm so sorry, "says the first man, "I didn't mean to stare at you!" "It's absolutely fine," says the man with the giant orange head, "Happens all the time. I bet you're wondering how I got this giant orange head." "Well, yes!" replied the first man. "Well...my grandmother died recently. She had been unwell for a long time and basically raised me as my parents had died when I was very young. She raised me alone as my grandfather had died before I was born. We didn't have very much but we were happy. I loved her very much. After her funeral, it was time to clear the house as it was rented and I wanted to move on anyway. I was up in the attic going through her papers and I saw this dusty old lamp. I lifted it, gave it a little rub and there was a huge flash. When I opened my eyes there was a strange looking man. It felt like he looked into my soul. 'I am the genie of the lamp' he said, 'and I grant you three wishes' I didn't believe him at first but deep within me I knew it was true. He asked me what my first wish was and clichΓ©d as it was, I said World Peace."

"Hahaha...how did that work out?" asked the first man.

"Well, " replied the man with the giant orange head, "have you heard of any wars or riots happening in the last few days?"

"Come to think of it, " said the first man, "You're right. The news has been pretty positive! Wow! That's amazing. So what did you choose for your second wish?"

"I gave it a few minutes thought this time " smiled the man with the giant orange head, "and remembering how poor we were, I wished for an unending supply of money."

"Did it work??" asked the first man.

"It did!" replied the man with the giant orange head, "here's Β£10,000 from my pocket. Enjoy it, I've got as much as I want."

"Wow, thank you so much!" said the first man, "that's incredibly generous of you, I don't know what to say! Oh wait! What did you ask for for your third wish?"

"I wished for a giant orange head."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GothamCityCop
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2021
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A man finds a magic lamp

He runs the lamp and a genie pops outs, and says, β€œI’ll grant you three wishes, but your ex wife gets twice whatever you wish for.” The man thinks for a minute and says, β€œOkay first wish is for a million dollars.” β€œOkay” says the genie, β€œyour ex wife also now has two million dollars” The man thinks for another minute and says, β€œ I wish for a Lamborghini” β€œAs you wish” says the genie β€œyour ex now has two Lamborghinis” Finally after a few minutes the man says, β€œfor my final wish, I wanna be beaten half to death”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cnechiporenko
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
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An Irishman finds a genie

All offenses aside, I’m originally from Britain and we make fun of the Irish ALL the time.

So an Irishman stumbles upon a genie’s lamp and says to himself β€œooh laddy what have we found here? I tink I’ll give it a rub to see if a genie appears!”

So he does, and lo, a puff of blue smoke comes pouring out of the spout, billows into the air and the genie’s form becomes solid. It speaks, β€œOh master of the lamp, I am your genie and I grant you three wishes.”

The Irishman’s eyes are wide open with glee, his cheeks and nose red with fire, he shouts β€œtree wishes?! That’s just brilliant!” For me first wish, I’ll have a bottle of whiskey that never runs dry.”

The genie, eyes rolling, clicks his fingers and POOF a nice big bottle of whiskey appears before the Irishman. β€œWell I tink we’ll have to put this to the test!” He snatches up the bottle, takes a long healthy swig, glug glug glug, and the bottle pops as he releases it from his lips, β€œAhhhhhhhh!!!” And to his amazement as soon as the liquid in the bottle settled, it gave a large burping β€œbulp!”, released a large bubble, and when the bubble popped the bottle was full again. β€œWELL I’LL BE! THAT’S THE MOST INCREDIBLE TING!”

The genie, steadfastly unimpressed, reminded the Irishman β€œMaster, I will bring you fortune, splendor, reputation, treasures beyond any imagination. You have two wishes remaining. What would master want for a wish?”

The Irishman looks to the genie and says β€œoh tat’s easy! I’ll have two more of these!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbacconnn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are stranded on desert island.

Whilst gathering food, they find a magical golden lamp. The Englishman says β€œrub the lamp!” They do, and a genie appears. β€œI only have three wishes to offer,” he says, β€œso I’ll give you one wish each.

The Englishman says, β€œI’d like to be living in a penthouse in London with Β£1,000,000 in my bank account.” His wish is granted.

The Scotsman says β€œI’d love to live in a renovated Scottish castle with Β£2,000,000 in my bank account.” His wish is granted.

The genie then turns to the Irishman: β€œAnd what do you wish for?” The Irishman says to the genie, β€œIt’s getting a bit lonely here, can I have the other two back?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LTAD2108
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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The One That Made Me Love Dad Jokes

My Step dad told me this one about 25 years ago (I was around 12?) and I've loved it, and dad jokes, ever since.....

A guy named Benny was walking down the beach when he found a magic lamp.

When he rubbed the lamp, a genie came out and said he got three wishes. However, he must agree to never shave again. If he did, he would become an urn.

Benny wished for riches, women and a VERY long life.

Years upon years had passed; and Benny's beard was so long it was difficult to manage. He decided that surely the genie who had granted his wishes so long ago had forgotten about him, and so he shaved his beard off.

POOF!!

He was an urn.

What's the moral of the story?

A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CandyceCox
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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Martin finds an old oil lamp

Genie: "You get three wishes. I can't kill anybody, I can't make anybody fall in love, I can't bring anybody back from the dead, and you can't wish for more wishes."

Alladin: "I wish that I was rich!"

Genie: "Done."

Rich: "... I wish that I have a lot of money."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fluid-Visual
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
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Out dad-joked my dad.

Walked into my parents house today to find that my father had replaced three ordinary light fixtures with ceiling fans.

Me- "dad you should really look at selling the house, it is more popular than ever."

Dad- "Why do you say that?"

Me- "Because it has more fans than ever."

Dad (after laughing more than I had ever heard him laugh) - "I wish I thought of that!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smurugger
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2014
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Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie"

Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: β€˜I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Teachdis
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2018
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three sisters

Three sisters stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each sister one wish.

β€œI want to go home,” says the oldest sister. The genie grants her wish.

β€œI want to go home, too,” says the youngest sister. And the genie sends her back home.

β€œI’m lonely,” says the middle child. β€œI sure wish my sisters were back here."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/specklesinc
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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The award for the best dadjokes 2018 goes to...

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

  1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

  2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

  3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

February:

  1. Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes

  2. My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes

  3. When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes

March:

  1. I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes

  2. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.

  3. [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skormes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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My 6th grade teacher was the king of dad jokes.

My 6th grade teacher had a reputation of being the meanest, strictest teacher on campus, but once I made it through his class, I realized he could be a jokester, too.

-In math class, he liked to tell a long, complicated story about a boy encountering a genie, eventually wishing for some odd things, just to end it with the punchline, "Gee, I'm a tree." (geometry)

-Another one of his long jokes consisted of a man being chased by a hearse. In a fit of desperation, he throws some Halls throat lozenges at it...."and the coffin went away."

-During study time, he would sometimes grab a balloon from his desk, blow it up, and proceed to slowly let air out of it, just to produce the squeaky noise.

-His favorite short joke: "Doctor, doctor, I broke my arm in three places!" "I advise you to stay out of those places."

-He was also probably the all-time leader of correcting, "Can I go to the bathroom?"

-He would also occasionally play opera music at the end of the day, not dismissing the class until we made it through an entire song without laughing.

-There were also a couple words that incited a specific reaction from him. Many of these words showed up often in history class, which is his favorite subject (probably because of all the jokes):

Anyway, it was a fun year with that teacher. I'll add more of his quirks if I think of any.

-Also,

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyei8hts
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2013
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Genie: I will grant you three wishes

Man: I wanna be rich!

Genie: What is your second wish, Rich?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eachard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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Genie: I grant you three wishes

Me: I want a world without lawyers

Genie: Done, your three wishes are over

Me: I still have two left!

Genie: Sue me

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fool_of_atook
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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Genie: You have three wishes. Me: Nice! I wish for pie.

Genie: Fine. You can have 3.14 wishes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
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