At what point does it stop being grave robbing and start being archaeology?
Today on a walk my son was asking about a bunch of plants and stuff, he pointed to one and I said it was a fungi.
Without missing a beat he asks "Daddy, do you know how much room you need to grow Fungi like that?"
I did not know.
So he tells me "as Mushroom as possible!"
So proud.
(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...
The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.
Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.
The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:
"What's sarong with that?"
I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).
His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.
--Edit--
I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)
--Edit--
Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.
Why do cow milking stools only have three legs?
Because the cow has the udder.
Today, I'm attaching a light fitting to the ceiling. I've never done it before.
I'll probably screw it up.
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
You have a 2-door car you want to display. You get it detailed. You put it on a platform so everyone can see it. You set up special lighting so all the details shine.
You have just staged a coupe.
Ding heres a light joke to brighten up the world(three jokes in one) (;
Three things Christ promises he will never do: Won't leave you broken-hearted (Psalm 147:3), won't reject you (John 6:37), and won't leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).
In essence, Jesus is never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you.
Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.
That can't just be a coincidence.
What should you do if the lights in a Chinese restaurant are too bright?
What's the most honest kind of lighting?
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
I found a lamp that said that if I rubbed it, a genie would come out and grant me three wishes, but when I did it nothing happened
I must have rubbed him the wrong way
A Spanish Magician says he will vanish on the count of three.
No one knows why he stopped at dos. They say he disappeared without a tres.
I named my three kittens Fork, Spoon and Knife. Why?
What is the difference between light bulb and pregnant woman ?
You can unscrew the light bulb.
What’s the difference between light and hard?
I can sleep with a light on.
Three guys walk into a bar….
Three unwritten rules of life.
What did the three legged cowboy's dog say when he walked into Dodge city.
I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!
What do you call it when one German WWII soldier lies to you, then another, then two lie to you, then three tell you a lie, then five lie to you, then eight, then thirteen....
Think I've created a three fer
Some people eat light bulbs.
They say its a nice light snack.
Son: DAD! I broke my arm in three places!
Dad: Don’t go to them places then
If a one L Lama is a holy man and a 2 L Llama is a beast of burden, what is a three L Llama?
A kid lights his house on fire.
Dad: putting arm around his wife, both tearing up That's arson!
There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
How many hands does it take to change a light bulb?
Many hands make light work.
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb ?
And a one and a two, and a one, two, three,four.
Spelling isn't one of the "Three R's"
That's how writing and arithmetic ended up on the list.
I was at a low point when I was addicted to the hokey-pokey
But I really turned myself around.
What will be the first thing you notice if you're teleported few light years away, somewhere in the galaxy...
Your momma so fat, I could still see her
Why do cows like to eat by candle light?
It creates the right mooood
What do you call Goku when he sees a red light?
I just spent three hours chasing all the water fowl out of my yard...
"Fool me once - I'm mad. Fool me twice - How could you? Fool me three times - You're officially that guy, okay?"
What has three letters and starts with gas?
Why was the alchemist’s warning light on in his car?
Because his door was a jar.
What do you call it when the magician pulls three rabbits out?
I was sitting at a red light with my family, when all of a sudden I said "Look, son! A super hero!"
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into the saloon?
“I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
A three legged dog walks into a bar...
and says "I'm looking for the man that shot my PAW."
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