Older Stepson, to younger stepson: "He set a tick on fire today!"
Me, leaning in to fiance's ear: "Dad, are we setting a tick on fire?" -pause- "Yes, we arson."
My fiance who usually scoffs at my dad jokes/humor: "...that was pretty good."
This just happened a few moments ago and I came in to share this with you all.
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Even though they're pricy, they're still the best bang-for-your-buck I can find
They ask "Was it arson?", and the officer answers "Yes, your son".
Edit: holy shrimp! I got silver! Thanks for the reception!
he was driving me bananas
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
He calls them missile toes.
He called them missile toes.
So I give it a little rub and told it everything is going to be ok.
but I just need t(w)o vent(s) right now.
Doing a crossword with my father in law and mother in law. He told me that he completed The Times crossword (which is apparently one of the hardest crosswords) the other day all except one clue. Mother in law says "go on then darling tell me the clue I bet I'll work it out" He says the clue is "heavily laden postman" She says "how many letters" He says "hundreds and hundreds I should think" Dead
My dad emailed my brother and I asking "should I buy a kindle fire?"
As he struggles with any technology, I asked "Why do you need a tablet?"
He responded in seconds: "Because I think I'm Moses."
The damage was not a parent.
To clarify, he (we shall call him Greg) is not really a dad but with all the jokes he makes, he'd be a brilliant one. Here are a few that I can remember him making:
- Our uni's team was set to play Surrey's team, but there were no where to be seen. One of the referees came up to me and George and said, "Surrey haven't shown up yet and the game's meant to start soon. Any idea where they are?" Greg replied with, "No, Surrey, haven't seen them." The ref and me both shook our heads laughing.
- At the team meal Sunday night, a mushroom was thrown at another teammate. He said, "Look at you, tryna be a fungi!" Greg followed on with, "I didn't think there was mushroom for that joke."
- During the walk home, Greg walked on ahead while 3 of us dawdled. When we caught up with him, he pointed at a wheelie bin and asked, "Where have you guys bin?" then pointed at the wheels and asked, "No, wheelie, where have you bin?" He had countless others but these 3 are the ones that stuck out.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was in-tents.
