Remember boys, if your girl looks like this, she's a kiefer.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boyfriendZero
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father.

His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get?

He replies I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years.

His father congratulated him. And then he said β€œThat’s good son, maybe next time you’ll get a talking role!”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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Need some good puns when I whip this bad boy out on the course today. Help me out you geniuses!
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mac-n-treez
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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Hi, I'm Poseidon. Just had to share this. I'm so proud of my boy. He's already working on his Christmas cards for this year, and I walked by and noticed what he was writing in each one.

Sea son's greetings.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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Not many people know this, but Boy George had a taste for exotic and somewhat illegal Indian cuisine...

His favourite was the Korma Chameleon.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dongwaffler
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money.

On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

πŸ‘︎ 151
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skylly100
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
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this isnt a game, boy
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ftejadal
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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Boy, this traffic is ruff
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/br1sK_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
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One of my boy scouts asked me, "Sir, is this snake poisonous?"

I said, "No, that snake's not poisonous at all."

So the boy picks up the snake which bites him, and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror.

I continued, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2017
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Oh, boy. I hope people get this.
πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ice_cream_keown
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
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This boy handed me an explosive and told me that it's a real explosive. I looked at it and said, "I don't believe you, kid."

He said, "C4 yourself."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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So I was scrambling some eggs this morning and if you know me, I like my eggs real scrambled. So I was going at these eggs hard, using all of my muscle to whisk these bad boys, when suddenly my arm goes numb and I passed out.

I guess you could say I β€œover-eggxerted” myself.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KekMudkip
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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For Halloween this boy showed up at my door with an hourglass.

He said, "Trickle treat!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
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I live in an old neighborhood with a 100 year old oak tree. One day every year, all the kids in the neighborhood put all their boy/girl scout badges on the tree. One day, I wonder why the kids do this. So, I called up my dad to ask him, and he said...

"Oh, it's just a badge oak."

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kabirmain
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2017
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My boy bounded down the stairs this morning, screaming, "I'm finally ten! I'm finally ten!"

He jumped in my awaiting arms and giddily gazed up at me.

I lovingly looked in to his eyes and said, "Hi finally ten! I'm dad!"

πŸ‘︎ 205
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2017
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My little boy just told me this one

What is a pirate's favorite food?

Map-a-roni and cheese!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenmisfit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2017
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Found this baaad boy in Ireland
πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amandaragon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2014
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Not sure if this is really a dad joke, but boy was I proud of it!

I was at work, sarcastically saying how much I love sweeping. Stoned coworker says "..We should just call you Cinderella then.."

I said "If the shoe fits!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/U_R_MY_UVULA
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2015
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This may be a crazy idea, but I think we'll make out like bandits. Gear up boys. We're robbing that train!

That's one loco motive.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpunkBunkers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2017
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Older gentleman told this joke at a Boy Scout campfire program a while ago. Thought it would fit here.

Once upon a time, when I was a wee lad, still in Boy Scouts, I went on a camping trip to Montana with my troop. It was going to be a great time, enjoying the cool weather and scenic views of the evergreen forests. However, we did have one issue: Montana is pretty notorious for having lots of bears. We weren't scared though, since our park ranger guide told us that bears can be scared off by making lots of noise, like yelling or hitting sticks on trees. Anyway, me and one of my friends, we'll call him Frank, were out exploring in the woods. We were doing what we were told to scare off the bears, but we were still a little antsy.

After a while, we got hungry, so we decided to sit down and eat our packed lunch. We found a nice log to sit on and rest our feet, and we put down our packs and started to sit. But then, Frank let out the BIGGEST scream I've ever heard! Then, he took off running, fast as a cheetah. I thought, "Uh, oh! Frank must've seen a bear!", so I took off after him. Frank was running so fast, we must have run for miles at breakneck speed. Eventually, he started to tire, and as I got closer, I saw why Frank screamed and started running. He had sat on a bear trap, and it was stuck fast to his rear end! We had a good laugh about it, but the bear trap really did leave its mark.

It's been a long time since that happened, and Frank hasn't run in while, but I like to tell this story because it explains why Frank's only half-fast now.

(If you don't get the joke, say the last sentence out loud)

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hoofpint
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2016
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