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I see a future where I have my masters. Where I have my dream job, my dream home...where everything I've ever wanted is a reality. I operate an office, am a supervisor at my part time job, and am supposed to graduate in a year and a half. I've been asking for help for years, and I just can't do it anymore.
My self worth is defined by achievements, jobs, praise from employers, professors, and fellow students. Yet one comment about something I can improve on, or someone pointing out a mistake, shatters my sense of self-worth. I work so hard to achieve everything I want and things have never ever been easy for me. I've spoken to countless therapists, clinicians, psychologists, social workers, and psychiatrists, but the response I always get is, 'part of you wants to live because you have plans for the future'. I can say I want to kill myself, but when they ask me what my plans for the week are and I say that I'm supposed to have a class or a meeting the following day they respond with, 'well then you aren't going to kill yourself'. In order to get help apparently I have to let go of everything, I have to fail. I have to let my grades slip, lose my job/miss shifts, perform badly in competition...otherwise I'm not serious about my thoughts and feelings.
So I put on my 'game face'. I go through the motions each day. I get things done, but none of it feels good enough. I know that I'm incapable of letting things slip. Last time I tried to kill myself, I had meetings the following day that I still went to because I failed. When I had two attempts in April 2018 in the span of three days I had been at a work luncheon not 30 minutes before I OD'd the second time. When I got out of the hospital I was back at work that same week because I felt like such a failure.
Just because I have meetings, classes, and plans, doesn't mean I don't need help. It doesn't mean that I shouldn't be taken seriously.
People don't see my pain and suffering. They don't see me sitting at my desk at 1:00am crying writing and rewriting an assignment because I can't get it 'just right'. They don't see me taking a study break to cut. They don't see me laying in my bed, textbooks open, crying because of the fear of not being successful. The immense pressure of having to perform and be perfect is too much.
Today I relapsed. I'm sitting at my computer right now trying to type an assignment. It's a simple one. Yet it's taken three hours so far because of my anxiety around failure. I can't f
... keep reading on reddit ➡-
I’ve noticed that when you make a unit too heavy, it deals no damage. This is annoying mainly because I want to make units that are able to withstand being run over by a horse but are also be able to do damage.
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Some clothing pieces don’t change colors properly. I just wish that when you change the color of a piece of clothing it is 100% guaranteed that it will stay that color from longer distances from the unit. It makes me have to only use certain pieces Which don’t entirely work with the unit that I’m creating.
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it would just be neat if you could customize the range for certain units.
These are my gripes and ideas, not important issues but I’ve been wanting to tell people about it and no one in my real life plays this game.
Unless they have a funny little skit at the beginning done by the comedian, what is the point of this? What does it add? I always just skip ahead to when they're on stage.
https://preview.redd.it/jgibolhpigd31.png?width=797&format=png&auto=webp&s=92c142dc577386335511acf6d514eab0de7add4c
Don't die! Don't die! Don't die!!!!
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Add judges, to the daily who give scores and pick an MVP/Speaker of the day. This will be hard, some games it's clearly who dominated, and sometimes it's only clear who was shitty.
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The winner of the last elimination picks who the speaker will be.
I've never like the mob rules. The last season when it as based more on performance was great, but if you're going to do the mob think, which I understand, than you've got to do something to even it out.
Also we it the US winning every game, I said this at the start of the season, so did Kyle, the US team is stacked vs rookies. They didn't need Turbo. Even if they thought CT would drag them down he wouldn't hurt their chances. CT the USA owes ykh an apology.
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