Them Mushrooms Puns

Let's just say...the steaks are high.

I was microwaving some leftovers that happened to contain mushrooms, and I forgot to cover them. Naturally, they coated the inside of the microwave. I described it as a nuclear explosion, and my brother responds with "did it make a mushroom cloud?"

I was proud

Edit: typo

I work at a pretty cool place. Everyone there is pretty upbeat and we like to have a good time. One of the girls was talking about something and said "isn't this fun guys?!" I replied "this is extremely mushrooms!" Everyone was silent, so I pulled the huge grin and said "fuungiiis". Every one of them groaned in unison.

They are all my children now.

So in Canberra people are picking their own mushrooms; which would be fine except for the rather hazardous Death Caps that seem to be plentiful right now. A local radio station asked their listeners whether hey thought mushroom sales at stores or restaurants would go down, and what people thought of the whole issue. With a decade of experience in hospitality I thought I'd call and while waiting to go on air, the presenters joked about calling up the head 'mushroom guy' for Australia and asking their opinion.

I go on air and assure them that no restaurant worth their salt would risk their name and business by buying mushrooms that weren't from an official farm. But just before They bid me farewell I said; "I hope you do get to talk to the head mushroom person, I bet he's a real Fungi".

There was silence followed by barely audible raucous laughter from what sounded like either outside their booth or over the intercom, I'm not sure. The presenters denied me an on air groan or laugh and just pretended like I had said nothing. But someone laughed... Someone...

[Edit: Wow, unable to log in to reddit for a day and I miss getting nearly eight times more up votes than I have since joining Reddit last year. Thanks all! I knew having a 1 yr old would pay off.]

Because once you've eaten them you don't have mushroom left.

Guy spots some mushrooms on the ground and asks "reckon we'll have some fun if we ate them?"

His mate says "Mushrooms aren't fun Guy"

The other day I made lasagna for my family. Half of us love mushrooms while the other half hates them, so I usually make two.

Me (pointing to the individual ones): "That one has mushrooms and that one doesn't"

My dad got a sad look on his face when looking at the one w/o mushrooms and said, "Awh, this is terrible. I can't get the spatula in."

Me: "Why not?"

Dad: "There's not mush room in there"

Long post is long:

Her: Remember dad's tomato bushes? Well they're attacking! At least one is leaning across the path trying to get at my window... We had the war of the roses, now its time for the attack of the tomatoes!

Me: I don't remember anything about tomato bushes. From one battle to the next.

Her: Yep! Lookout tomatoes here comes the chutney recipe!

Me: I can just imagine a cucumber campaign. Operation onion would be next, which will fail, causing everyone to cry. Dill Day follows, a great success for the allied gardeners. All too soon though, the kamikaze carrots set in, utterly ruining the radish raid. The mushroom maneuver is employed, saving the troops, allowing them to deal the final blow in the asparagus assault!

Her: Don't forget the pumpkins want to supply ground cover with heavy support...

Me: Ah yes, the pumpkin paratroopers.

Her: Thyme is running out...

Me: Prepare the beetroot bombs!!!

Her: Aim for Potato Garden!

Me: Fire the capsicum! Deploy the celery team!

Her: Bring in the egg plant division to support the capsicum!

Me: This is it boys, life or dirt! I want a passionfruit unit to find us a vantage point, and the strawberry unit to surround them!

Her: We had better bring the lettuce up to date!

Me: The cabbage are under withering fire, we need support from the raspberry division! The potatoes are mashed, so well need to send the zucchini in their place!

Her: The zucchini can't take that heavy fire, they'll be grated. Send spinach for some extra iron. The sweet potatoes are digging in at the ridge.

Me: Prepare the watermelon bomb, we need to finish this! The eggplant were squashed, deploy the broccoli brigade! The beans need to get out of there, or they'll be split!

Her: Cauliflowers are going in to retrieve the beans. How brave to risk their florets!

The corn commandos are deployed, but the artichokes are all out of heart, we need to boost morale.

Me: The leeks are down! They'll be flattened if we don't do something!

Are the spinach still operational?

Her: Too bad the pepper isn't on our side, they're well seasoned troops.

Spinach is a go!
Nothing has touched it...

Me: But wait! We still have the chillies to give them heavy fire!

Her: And the squashes and peas!

Me: The ginger is holding it's ground, but it's being cut down by the pineapple!

The basil should make things interesting, send them to aid the potatoes.

**Her:

Dad was talking about classical musicians, and apparently one of them knew all there was to know about music so he looked up what was before music in the dictionary. It was 'mushrooms', so he became a mycologist (study of mushrooms). I responded: he must have been a fun guy. GEDDIT. FUNGHI. Dad just shook his head at me and laughed.

My sister was questioning me on why I didn't eat all the mushrooms on my plate, and she asked me if I liked mushrooms. When I replied with "sure", she asked

"What does that mean? Do you not like them? Are you crazy about them?"

"No, I view them more as a friend"

Even my Dad was non-plussed.

Sister: "Do you like Mushrooms, Alex?"

Me: "I can't say that there is Mushroom in my heart for them."

When my Sister retold this to my Dad, he let out a laugh and said he was proud of me!

To clarify, he (we shall call him Greg) is not really a dad but with all the jokes he makes, he'd be a brilliant one. Here are a few that I can remember him making:

1. Our uni's team was set to play Surrey's team, but there were no where to be seen. One of the referees came up to me and George and said, "Surrey haven't shown up yet and the game's meant to start soon. Any idea where they are?" Greg replied with, "No, Surrey, haven't seen them." The ref and me both shook our heads laughing.
2. At the team meal Sunday night, a mushroom was thrown at another teammate. He said, "Look at you, tryna be a fungi!" Greg followed on with, "I didn't think there was mushroom for that joke."
3. During the walk home, Greg walked on ahead while 3 of us dawdled. When we caught up with him, he pointed at a wheelie bin and asked, "Where have you guys bin?" then pointed at the wheels and asked, "No, wheelie, where have you bin?" He had countless others but these 3 are the ones that stuck out.

I asked him did he want mushrooms with his lamb and he replied

"I don't think there will be mushroom on the plate for them!"

sigh

Just dad joked my boyfriend:

We're walking the streets of New Orleans, when we see a pile of white mushrooms on the ground next to a truck. It looked like someone had stepped and slipped on them.

"Looks like they were tripping on shrooms..."

Groan.