I have only two new years resolutions this year. One: get back to the weight I was before the accident.
Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'
Who was the heavy weight champion of farts?
I started going to the gym in my tuxedo, everything went well except the weight lifting...
I asked my Dad “What’s the difference between weight and mass?”
“Well, son. Weight is your size in relation to the Earth’s gravity.
Mass is what Catholics go to Sunday morning.”
The biggest celeb i met while grocery shopping! Dude lost a lotta weight since Fight Club.
Where do you find the weight of a whale?
What did the Norse god of thunder say after biting his tongue during an intense weight-lifting session?
How do you think they measure the weight of bones?
They probably Skel-a-Ton at a time!
I thought that taking the shell off of my racing snail would save weight and make it more streamlined so it would be faster....
But it just made it more sluggish......
My wife and I recently had a child on accident. We didn't want a child at all as we are rather young and wanted to wait a few years. He was born yesterday at the whopping weight of 8 kilos.
We've made a massive mistake
How did the Norse god know when it was time to stop lifting weights?
How do you get to the weight room at Hogwarts?
Loosing weight using the internet is so damn difficult. Like every weightloss website I visit,
I gain too much weight around the holidays
I need to stop eating cold turkey
Did you hear about the obese man who liked to make fun of animals’ weights?
A bag couldn’t handle the heavy weight
In the UK, weights are really expensive,
A 45 kilo kettle bell is 100 pounds!
There will probably be a surge in weight lifting related injuries since all the gyms have closed.
Everyone will try to pick up where they left off.
How did the book lose weight?
It got its appendix removed.
Imagine if the Americans started using Kilograms to measure weight.
There would be mass confusion.
It's been 6 months now since I joined the gym and I still haven't lost any weight....
Maybe it's time I went down there to see what's going on
I use the notches on my belt to monitor how much weight I'm losing
What kind of pants did weight-lifters wear in the 1970s?
How did the Programmer lose weight?
Hey switched to a byte sized diet.
Why did the Trump supporter gain weight?
I bet my friend that i could lose more weight than him within the last month
Why was the fish so conscious about it’s weight?
Because it had too many scales
To the person who stole my weight loss pills........
You'll have nothing to gain.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
The weight of Powerpoint presentations is measured in diagrams.
The scientist who comes up with the perfect diet plan to lose weight
Should win the Nobelly Prize.
I was watching the news with my son and they said that Elton John has put on so much weight recently, he will have to have pants made specially for him...
I chuckled and said, "So now he'll sing, 'Goodbye normal jeans'!"
Why don't we know the weight of the rarest diamond in the world?
Over the past 3 years I’ve lost a ton of weight at the gym.
Did you hear about the beer that helps you lose weight?
I can't find any of the left-handed weights at my gym.
I can only find right-handed plates, marked by a capital R next to the manufacturer's name.
The dieting philosopher stopped losing weight.
My Shake Weight came in the mail today!
i want to open a puppy mill store next to the humane society, and sell dogs by weight
i'll call it "Puppies by the Pound"
Clearing all the weights/workout things from the Nursery to prepare for the baby's arrival
Husband hands me the only thing that's mine (a small 8lb dumbbell) and says "it's really time you carried your own weight around here." I think he's ready for the baby to get here.
My dad has been working on his weight and health lately. Today he sent me the following text:
I can't seem to get my diet right - I must be a gluten for punishment.
I was complaining to my dad about the weight of my laptop
He picked it up, "Wow, that is heavy. You might want to get rid of a few files."
Hah.
How do you get to the weight room in Hogwarts?
Through the Dumbbell-Door
Why was the fish so conscious about it’s weight?
Because it had too many scales
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