"I'm sorry," said the barman, "we don't serve time travellers."
A time traveller walks into a bar.
A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where there was a brother frying chips.
"Are you the friar?" he asked.
The brother replied, "No, I'm the chip monk".
The traveller
It was somewhere around the 6th century after the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, an Anglish man was travelling through Normandy when he sees a local labouring the fields, and asks:
"Hello. What does it take to become a mercenary amongst your King's regiments?"
"Not that much - to be Frank."
"I see. I better give up then.
After looking at the galactic traveller's guide, I was shocked by our solar system's rating.
If a time traveller from the future carried some sausages with him as he travels,
Does he have a link to the past?
The suicidal traveller tried to hang himself from the Big Ben, the Eiffel Tower, The leaning tower of Pisa. The police caught him took away his rope and sent him out of the continent. All he was heard saying is..
After all my travel in 2020 was cancelled, I'm now facing the COVID reality that my Spring Break trip is not going to happen either. I just told my suitcases this sad fact...
...and now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage
Have you heard of the new travel sized chocolate truffles?
Pocket Lindts...
Credit: Twitter
Went camping with a time traveler but they were silent the whole time...
...I think they prefer speaking in future tents
Mart Mc Fly traveling into the Star Wars universe be like,
The bartender says, "we don't serve time travelers here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
Why did the rabbi travel to Mecca?
If you time travel to the future and get decapitated-
You really are a head of your time
A man at the bar told me he once travelled across space to get a pint
He must have been interstellar
The worst thing about time travelling are the kids asking:
I travel all over the world and I'm regular, then I come home and suddenly I'm incontinent.
I wish I could travel to a pleasant city on the French Riviera...
Did you guys hear about the microbiologist who traveled to 30 countries and speaks 6 languages?
He was a wise man of many cultures.
Every time I travel to a new city, I like to take a picture of myself in front of the tomes of books...
I just have to take shelfies!
So I travelled back in time, and was told THE BEST joke by ancient egyptians
What did the chair say after it finished travelling around the world?
What do you call a musical group of criminals that travels around the country but only along the outline of the country's border?
My father and I were in the car traveling to a family outing.
On the way, after passing a graveyard, my dad asked,
“Did you know that’s a popular cemetery?”
“No, why?” I responded.
“People are just dying to get in there!” he replied.
After I groaned, he continued, in all seriousness,
“But really, did you know I can’t be buried there?”
“Why not, Dad?” I asked, surprised.
“Because I’m not dead yet!”
Two travelers are lost in the woods when they come across a man lying in their path.
One says, “We’re saved! We can ask him for directions!” His friend, however, had a somber expression on his face.
“Doesn’t something seem off to you about this man?” he replies, gesturing to the figure lying prostrate on the road before them.
“What do you mean?” said the first, confusion splayed across his features.
“I mean we can’t trust a thing he says. He’s a pathological lier.”
The town I’m from just completed dredging a new river that’s going to make travel a lot easier. They’re having a feast to celebrate! It’s going to be called...
A couple on 60 years met a genie and they got 1 wish each The wife wished she’d travel the world so she did. The husband wanted a 30 years younger wife
What are the similarities between good yogurt and a well-traveled man?
As soon as space travel is possible, I’m moving from the Milky Way to the Soymilky Way galaxy
The inventor of time travel has died in a tragic jousting accident
My girlfriend and I were traveling thru Kentucky where we stayed at a lodge. She told me a humorous story out to the left of the wall of the building...
Since I can't travel because of the lockdown
I have been Washington's of DCs.
(I seriously don't get this) A traveling salesman was driving in the country when his car broke down
He hiked several miles to a farmhouse, and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay overnight.
“Sure,” said the farmer, “my wife died several years ago, and my two daughters are twenty-one and twenty-three, but they’re off to college, and I’m all by myself, so I have lots of room to put you up.”
Hearing this, the salesman turned around and started walking back toward the highway.
The farmer called after him,“Didn’t you hear what I said? I have lots of room.”
“I heard you,” said the salesman, “but I think I’m in the wrong joke.”
A queen went travelling to a foreign land. She asked her two ladies in waiting to clean for each other while she was gone, so they wouldn't be out of practice when she got back. When she returned, the two had fallen in love and gotten married.
They were maid for each other.
A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he can assist with any luggage.
The photon replies, “No, I’m traveling light.”
What do you call soup traveling at the speed of light
Why did the EMTs travel in sets of two?
Because they wanted to be pair-of-medics
So I travel around my country at the weekend taking photo graphs last week I was in London it was amazing I could almost say it was a...
I love horror movies. I considering bringing along a DVD while I traveled the world.
But then I knew that'd be taking It too far.
So the travel agency said I could climb Mt. Everest and it would only cost $100,000.
I said no thanks, that's a bit too steep.
My father-in-law (who's last name is Word) after a week of travel: Are you getting sick of the Word "family"?
Me: That's an odd word to get sick of.
A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchens where a brother is frying chips…
"Are you the friar?" he asked.
The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."
The barman said "sorry, we don't serve time travellers"
Two time travellers walk into a bar
The bar man told them "sorry we don't serve time travellers here"
Two time travellers walk into a bar...
If you time travel to the future and get decapitated-
You really are a head of your times
The bartender says "Sorry we don't serve time travelers"
Two time travelers walk into a bar
The bartender says, “we don’t serve time travelers in here!”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
Why was the time traveler never on time?
Because he travels in time.
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