(Bear with me its a long setup) A frog walks into a bank and asks a woman named Patricia Whack for a loan. "My father is Mick Matter" he says, placing a ceramic elephant on the counter. Patricia goes to her boss and tells him the story, asking "what is this?" And placing the elephant on his desk.
The man replies " It's A knicknack, patty whack, give the frog a loan, his old mans a rolling stone (also I meant Mick jagger my autocorrect sucks balls)
There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
Nothing. It just let out a little whine.
What did the farmer say when all of his haystacks were stolen?
My friend David had his ID stolen the other day
Now we just call him Dav. I'm so mad
Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?
They only have a pair of trunks.
-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that little thing?
NEWS FLASH! The toilet has been stolen from the local police station.
Police say they've got nothing to go on.
Why did the elephant go to jail?
He had a dead guy in his trunk.
My friend worked at the zoo to circumcise elephants, the pay was bad but...
The police found a stolen car that had a nearly complete set of golf clubs inside...
They're still looking for the driver!
Dad: Why did the elephant climb the maple tree?
Daughter: (Studiously ignores him).
Dad: To eat some cherries.
Daughter: (Not looking up from her phone). Maple trees don't have cherries, Dad.
Dad: He brought his own.
What did Tarzan say when he saw elephants coming over the hill?
"Here come the elephants coming over the hill"
Shamelessly stolen from the "Flying Pigs" comedy troop.
The best way to tell the difference between an Indian and an African elephant is
that one of them is an elephant.
(Stolen from Twitter) The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.
Did you here about the nuns who only wore white? It was a shame.
All of them had dirty habits.
A man had his car stolen by a thief in Mexico. When he went to the police...
It’s the time of year for gift giving, just don’t use the term ‘white elephant’
It’s racist, they prefer to be called Republicans
What do you call the wife of an elephant’s mother’s brother?
Why was the man not bothered or upset that someone had stolen all his dried grapes?
He had no raisons to be...
A White House Staffer Almost Walked in on Press Secretary Jen Psaki using the restroom.
What's the difference between a stolen miniature diorama for your personal library and an incredibly surprising but cliched erotic fantasy about Peregrin of the shire?
One is a shelf insert book nook for fiction fans that you took and the other is a self-insert fan fiction took book that got you shook.
TIL: Two elephants of the same herd won’t go into the same body of water together at the same time.
It’s because they only have one pair of trunks between the two of them.
An atom called the cops to report he had an electron stolen. The cop asked, "Are you sure?"
And the atom replied, "I'm positive!"
A Japanese zoo just celebrated the birth of a baby elephant
Before that nobody addressed the elephant in the womb.
Came to the living room and found the TV screen was white.
"Who's watching Peace TV?"
All my vegetables got stolen and the cops finally showed up.
You come to the end of the road. North of you is the red house, west is the green house, east is the blue house. Where is the white house?
What did the security officer at White House said to the tourist sitting on the president's chair?
Why do great white sharks chase after Superman in the ocean?
Because he has a seal on his chest.
My cousin is trying to fit the most elephants, geese and bulls ever in a vintage music shop.
He's breaking all sorts of records.
A man entered his home and discovered that someone had stolen every single lamp present in the house.
He was absolutely delighted.
I saw a big animal during the safari. I think it was an elephant
Why was the elephant standing on a marshmallow?
So it wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.
(Joke from my dad has been telling since the 80s.)
Did you hear about the exploding elephant?
Why is Trump not allowed in the White House anymore?
What do you get when an elephant sits on the fence?
What’s the perfect name for a baby boy who’s half white, half Indian?
How did the boy whose glasses were stolen find them?
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine...
The local police station has had its toilet stolen
Officers have nothing to go on.
All the toilets in the police station have been stolen!
Unfortunately, the cops have nothing to go on...
What did the elephant ask the naked man ?
How do you breathe out of that thing?
How can you tell the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?
One of them is an elephant
How do you tell the difference between an Asian, and an African Elephant?
It's simple. One of them is an elephant.
What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
Nothing. It just let out a little whine.
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