Sting has disappeared, The Police have no lead
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πŸ‘€︎ u/david7494
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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I was tuning a guitar. While doing this one of the stings snapped in half perfectly. I took one half and stretched It out. I managed to get it on. One problem though. As soon as I played it shot straight to the ceiling.

I’d never heard or seen such a high note.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blueparasites
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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Have you heard the one about the bee sting remedy made from Avocados?

..and fish oil?
They call it "AvoCodro's Number"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zman4
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
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Did you hear the singer Sting got kidnapped?

The Police have no lead

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paul_laquack
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2016
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Did you hear about the nationwide sting operation on those who mix drinks?

Many of them are behind bars now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
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Did you guys hear, the musician Sting was kidnapped...

The Police has no leads.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wubbledaddy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2014
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The sting is in the hand of the bee holder.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itim__office
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2014
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I think the police are setting up a sting on me

Every breath I take, Every move I make, Every bond I break, Every step I take, They are watching me. Every single day, Every word I say, Every game I play, Every night I stay, They are watching me. Every move I make, Every vow I break, Every smile I fake, Every claim I stake, They are watching me. Every move I make, Every vow I break, Every smile I fake, Every claim I stake, They are watching me

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2014
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I was going to spend Friday night studying stinging polyps that spend major part of their lifetime attached to rocks at the bottom of the sea, but a couple pals wanted me to go bar hopping...

With friends like that, who needs anemones?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
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I'm going to start a conservationist website focussing specifically on the joints of stinging insects.

It's the bees' knees.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackHarrison1010
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2016
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Looking for a new pun tat

I already have a bee on my butt-cuz when I do the sizzle finger thing I say it stings beeing this hot

A pacifier on my middle finger- for the suckers

I am hoping to get a fly in a suit soon holding some jars of honey- cuz you can catch a fly with honey but you can catch more hunnys being fly

Any other ideas would be appreciated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drippinsteezsam
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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Went for the long con with my wife

I had a little mishap with a pruning saw in the yard and asked my wife to patch my finger up. She's a nurse, so I figured she'd dress my wound better than I could. She started off with cleaning up the cut with a betadine swab.
Wife: "This might sting a little bit."
Me: Yup. Yup that stings.
Wife: Sing a song. It'll take your mind off of it.
Me: "Roooooxanne, you don't have to put on the red light, Those days are over you don't have to sell your body to the night..."
Wife: sideways look
Me: "Roooooxanne, you don't have to wear that dress tonight, Walk the streets for money you don't care if it's wrong or if it's right..."
Wife: sideways look
Me: "You know who sings that, right?"
Wife: "Yeah, the Police."
Me: "Who and the Police?"
Wife: "Sting?"
Me: "Yes it does."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/capomatt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2016
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A man is pulled over and is asked if he has a police record.

The man replies, "No, but I've got a sting album."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ps1pfearfan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2018
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Why don't bees know any hit singles?

They only listen to the Bee-side.

Bonus: what would be the perfect line-up for a bee concert?

The Beegees, Sting and Queen.

Bonus 2: Bees' favorite Spice Girls song?

Wannabee.

Bonus 3: Favorite classical artist?

Ludwig van Beethoven.

Bonus 4: Favorite cartoon?

Beevis and Buzzhead.

I'll stop now, before everyone flies off the handle and tells me to buzz off.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
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Ill be watching you

A fish joined The Police the other day

It was the Sting ray

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BopWithTheMop
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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Three pieces of string want to go into a no strings allowed bar.

The first piece of string says it’s all about the attitude and struts into the bar. The bouncer looks at him and says, β€œno stings allowed” and throws him out.

The second piece of string says, β€œyou’ve got to be sneaky” and tries to sneak in. But the bouncer sees him and says β€œno stings allowed” and throws him out.

The third piece of string thinks β€œmaybe if I disguise myself”. He then ties himself into a know and frays his edge. The bouncer looks at him confused and asks, β€œhey, are you a string?”

The sting replies, β€œno, I’m a frayed knot”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sirmorganc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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Bees

Did you hear about the guy who got sting by bees all over his body?

Don't, worry, he's actually feeling pretty swell

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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An old beekeeper had been raising bees for years.

An old beekeeper had been raising bees for years. He'd had many bees he gave names to, like Buzz or Stripe or Sting. He got a kick out of naming them and he would spend hours with them crawling on his hands, looking at them, holding them gently and humming little songs.

One year, the hive had a new queen, and she was the most magnificent thing he'd ever seen. He usually gave them clever names like Honey, but this one was just too gorgeous for that. He named her Beauty, and he would hum to her everyday as the sun went down.

One day, during a particularly beautiful sunset, the old man was watching his queen as she peddled around in the palm of his hand, singing to her gently, when a gust of wind suddenly blew some debris toward his face. Without thinking, he reacted, moving his hands fast toward his face, and smashed the queen right into his own eye. And so I guess what they say is true, Beauty really is in the eye of the bee holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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My dad had this marine themed anti-vaxxer zinger last night.

We were watching a documentary about the ocean. At one point they described the process of clown fish "vaccinating" themselves to the sting of the anemone by exposing themselves to it from birth.

My dad: "Jenny McCarpy is outraged."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2016
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I told me dad about an article about tiny robotic bees...

He said that if they took over a building, they'd have to send the SWAT team. It might be a sting operation

The link

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beerbabe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2014
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I just got dadjoked by my dad regarding former Miami Dolphins Robert Konrad's miraculous survival story.

I told my dad about Robert Konrad falling out of his boat and swimming 12 hours back to shore in the dark facing 10 foot waves, sharks, stinging jellyfish and 25 mile per hour winds. He poked his head around the corner and said "You know how he survived don't you? He is a dolphin." I cringed so hard since I was expecting some old man wisdom about the will to live etc. edit: actually he spent 16 hours in the water swimming for shore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Constrictorboa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2015
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