What kind of alert do the police put out when someone steals your fire?
My buddy Linux would always lead the lineup with a bunt and steal second shortly after. And no matter how bad I wanted to swing for the fences, if the batter before me didn't make first; coach would turn to me and say......
The sexual tension is so intense it could cut through steal.
I have a problem. My wife steals animals from the zoo and hides them in our house.
I tried to bring it up but she didn't want to discuss the elephant in the room.
What did the hardware store employee use to steal personal information?
The only thing a kleptomaniac cannot steal is a pun
They take everything literally.
What do you call a mom who steals all the dad jokes?
Transparent...
I bet you didn't see that coming 😁
A boy leaned over to steal a kiss from his girl, but she was leaning over to steal a kiss at the same time.
They both made out like bandits.
The goal of every burglar is a stainless steal.
I can't believe somebody had the nerve to break into my house and steal my limbo stick.
I mean seriously, how low can you go?
I tried to steal a window but the guilt was overwhelming.
I could not take the pane.
Why did the crazy guy steal a train?
He just had a loco motive.
Why couldn't the criminal steal the money alone?
He was banking on his friends to do it
My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils
But it’s a whisk I’m willing to take.
My friend got caught trying to steal the most expensive chair in the world
and it was all because he was told to please take a seat
What does a Scottish man say when someone steals his drink at the pub?
“Oi! Where’d me Glasgow?”
A man steals the tires of a police car
The policemen are working tirelessly to get him
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
Did you hear about the black bird that steals cattle?
I didn’t realize my dad used to steal board-games from the toy store.
But when I look back now, all the Clues added up.
Someone kidnapped the Easter Bunny, hoping to steal his stash of candy. But the Bunny was steadfast and wouldn't talk.
Couldn't get a Peep out of him.
Who steals all the soap in the bathroom?
I went to the grocery store today, planning to steal some aluminum.
My plans were foiled by the police.
A man asks his horse, "Did you steal my thesaurus?" The horse says...
What's the difference between someone who works in landscaping and someone who steals from a coffee shop?
One is a groundskeeper, while the other is a grounds keeper.
So all of the deserts were playing a game were they tried to steal each other, the cookies were stealing the scones and the danishes were stealing the ice cream and they were all doing it pretty badly but the pie
What did the bachelorette say to the DJ who was trying to steal her strawberry preserves?
My girlfriend's cat always steals my spot on the bed, it makes me FUR-ious
My wife and I are having a competition to see who can steal the most dog related stuff from our local petshop.
I've just taken the lead.
My parents were in the Iron & Steel business. My mother irons and my father steals
This guy claims he didn't steal one of the keys from my keyboard, but I don't know...
Why did the man steal the wig?
For some reason, the cashier wanted me to steal the sweater I already owned..
She told me to swipe my cardigan.
My colleague invented a machine that would steal other people’s ideas, and wipe them off the subject’s memory.
Why didn’t I think of that?
A thief attempted to steal paintings from the Louvre in Paris...
But was captured two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. All he could say for himself was “I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh. But I tried anyway because I had nothing Toulouse!”
How did the sheet music theft know how to steal music so well?
He started off by taking notes
A burglar breaks into a house and steals all the kitchen appliances...
Upon being caught, he returned all of the items except for the mixing tool. When the police asked him to return it he said, "sorry, this is a whisk I must take".
A Thief walks into a theater and steals the spotlight
Why did the burglars steal soap?
They wanted a clean getaway.
The best thieves steal from birthday parties.
They really take the cake.
Timmy the tugboat captain would never forgive his peers after they would steal barge-moving jobs from him.
He definitely harbored a grudge.
A danish communist pirate tried to steal the deed to my house. I told him and his gang that it was my house and he couldn’t have it.
The pirate said, “No comrade, it’s Aarhus now.”
A young man steals his neighbors prized steer on a dare but is caught and is arrested by the police.
He is taken to the police station and handcuffed to a table and left alone. A while later his father arrives at the station and sits down across from him and says,
“Cow could you?”
My wife thinks it is not wrong to steal and eat the eggs i just fried
These are not poached eggs, she says.
My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils
But it's a wisk I'm willing to take
The man knew it was wrong to steal from a kitchen. But it was a whisk he was willing to take.
My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils.
But it’s a whisk I’m willing to take.
My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils.
But it's a whisk I am willing to take.
My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils,
but it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
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