What did the farmer yell to the shepherds who ran away after their flocks ate all his grass?

You cow herds!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Do you know what one shepherd said to the other shepherd?

Let's get the flock out of here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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Why did they call Greenpeace when the shepherd died ?

Greenpeace can stop Wailing Sheeps (Whaling Ships)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokeretailer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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Why did the little shepherd go to the hospital?

...because he had a little staff (staph).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoneMachineNo13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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Shepherd: Did you get all the sheep in?

Sheepdog: Yep. All 30 of them.

Shepherd: We've only got 28 sheep.

Sheepdog: I rounded them up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pelipar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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A group of shepherds committed suicide last night. They heard the song β€œthere will never be another you.”
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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I'd tell you about my German Shepherd shedding in the carpet

But it's really just a doggy shag story.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkenTree
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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The sheep says to the shepherd "you're an asshole and I hate you!" and the shepherd says "Say what?"

And the sheep goes "You herd me!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dagusiu
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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What did the shepherd exclaim after the snow storm?

I see you!

Icy ewe!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beaverpudding
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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Q: What did one shepherd say to the other after seeing a wolf in the distance?

Let's get the flock out of here.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2015
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What did the sheep say to the shepherd?

Stop it! You're herding me!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2O2Ohindsight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2017
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Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?"

The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me."

The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2016
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Did you hear the one about the secret agent that was captured behind enemy lines with a sheepdog as part of his disguise?

When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.

When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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I bought a German shepherd today and named him Lord.

Now I can truly say the Lord is my shepherd

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πŸ‘€︎ u/den_nis3524
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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I just read an early draft of The Empire Strikes Back...

...Yoda originally spent part of his exile as a shepherd.

All the sheep, Dagobah.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mikeycoyi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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Give me your cheesiest cheese puns!

For a Halloween party this year, I'm going as Cheesus Christ, the Gouda Shepherd.

That being said, I need to prepare an absolute onslaught of cheese related puns for maximum eye-rolls.

Give me your worst best, Reddit!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vvarx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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I got a dog from Germany and named it The Lord

The Lord is my shepherd.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stupidlyugly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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My dad pulled this one at dinner last night

My mom made stuffed peppers with with Shepherd's pie ground beef instead of stuffed pepper mix. So my dad goes... "I guess these are Shepherd's Peppers!"

He couldn't wait to spit that one out and had a great big laugh. Then told it again because my mom wasn't in the room.

Edit.. I don't think some people know the food involved. Stuffed peppers are these. And shepherds pie is this

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the-truth-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2014
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Dog spelled backwards is God.

I guess it's true then that The Lord is my shepherd.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2017
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My brother and sister were talking about food a few minutes ago.

My sister asked if we ever had shepherd's pie. I told her, "No, but every so often I cook 'matterdaddy.'" She walks off while shaking her head.

My brother doesn't get it and asks, "Matterdaddy? Matterdaddy? What the heck is a matterdaddy?"

I immediately respond with "Nothing. What's a matter with you?"

He groaned loudly and my sister just responds with "You're such a sucker for falling for that."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alf-was-here
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2018
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Pronunciation saves the lives of innocent wallets

My wife called me up from the animal shelter the other day wanting to adopt a dog. Since money is tight current, I specifically said "0 canine". Now I'm the proud owner of 9 German shepherd pups and will from now on pronounce "0" as "Zero".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JebusDuck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2016
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Every time we leave the house as a group

Dad: "You know what the shepherds always say! 'Let's get the flock out of here!'"

Every time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/databent
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2013
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Dad and the sheepherder

Today I drove my father to physical therapy. We passed a field full of sheep and the shepherd was walking along the fence. I said "It looks like he is counting them", my dad says to me "probably came out to count them, but now he is just sleep walking".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sheriff1980
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2016
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The day I realized that I tell dad jokes (an introduction).

It was sometime last year that my girlfriend at the time and I were walking on a local public trail with her German Shepherd. She had always been very adamant about my jokes having a "dadness" to them but I always brushed it off until this day.

As we're walking, a lady and her two kids go to pass us going the other way on a narrow part of the trail and I say:

"Don't worry, she's friendly...(smirk level at maximum)...oh and the dog is too."

My girlfriend facepalms and the lady chuckles and says, "It's like we brought your father with us, huh kids?"

Girlfriend enthusiastically says, "See! Not funny dad jokes!"

From that day on I acknowledged my dad jokes as what they are but to this day I refuse to believe they aren't funny. And I guess that's my introductory post to this subreddit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DGLGMUT
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2015
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That's not an Alsatian

My Dad's been having a lot of trouble with a German Shepherd that's been taking a shit on his garden every morning. This morning the cheeky bugger even brought his dog with him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Waspeater
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2016
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What did one shepherd say to the other shepherd?

Let's get the flock outta here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bruiser777
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2017
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