Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...

It becomes tearable

πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Love_and_Poop
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2021
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None of the other subs seem to appreciate my festive Gingerbread house. Maybe you folks would appreciate it?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 64
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/johnnyrizzle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 22 2020
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I don't seem to have the enthusiasm to break wind like I used to

In fact, the last few were very half-farted

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/xAnxietyPrimex
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2021
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No matter what I do, I just can’t seem to master the entire alphabet.

I don’t know y

πŸ‘οΈŽ 100
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/punctuation_welfare
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 22 2020
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Why did the room packed with married people seem empty?

Because there wasn’t a single person there

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2020
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Why did the vampire seem sick?

He was always coffin

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2020
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My doctor, who is also a clown... Asked me what seems to be the problem

I said, funny you should ask

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 31 2020
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My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I can’t seem to open any of the files.

I always have trouble with emotional attachments.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 409
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 11 2020
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I am trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike, but he still can't seem to do it

I guess it must be sprocket science

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 21 2020
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Everyone seems to hate the local paleontologist...

I guess it must be because they always have a bone to pick with someone!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/500mmrscrub
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 13 2020
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Seems a little inappropriate having a strip club across the road from Mini golf in town. I’m a pretty liberal guy but if I’m having a day out with my family the last thing I want to look across the road and see is a bunch of losers playing mini golf.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rurgtide
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 07 2019
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Dad, I can't seem to spell the sovereign state in central Europe.

Dad: "That's because you have Spellczech turned off"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/icemage27
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 26 2020
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A router goes to see the doctor, and the doctor asks, "What seems to be the problem?"

The router replies "It hurts when IP".

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2020
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Therapist: It seems like you have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you understand the symptoms?

Man: Can’t say that I do.

Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 09 2019
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My family can’t seem to find the tv remote. They’ll never find where I hid it.

It’s in a very remote location.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FunkyFaz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 07 2020
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I can't seem to grow oats or barley, or spelt in the mountains where I live. I guess it's true what they say...

No plains no grains

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ahughman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 04 2020
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Ya know everyone seems to hate the U.S right now, but I honestly think it’s pretty

Sick

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LinguiniiL
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 13 2020
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The robbers seem to XL at their job
πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/moses10960
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 26 2019
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To call the whole Elon Musk controversy β€œElon-Gate” seems like a bit of a stretch
πŸ‘οΈŽ 14k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JuIius_Seizure95
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 09 2018
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Ants do not seem to get the coronavirus.

Maybe, because they have the antibodies.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/velpun1
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2020
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I recently talked about a John Cena joke with my sister, but she didn't seem to understand the joke, so I started to explain to her who John Cena is. She then asked me whether or not I seriously think that she doesn't know who John Cena is. I then told her:

"Well, I just thought you might have never seen him before."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MorgothTheDarkElder
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 06 2020
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A man walks into a doctors office. β€œWhat seems to be the problem?” Asks the doc. β€œIt’s... um... well... i have five penises.” Replies the man. β€œBlimey!” Says the doctor, β€œhow do your trousers fit?” β€œLike a glove.”
πŸ‘οΈŽ 275
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SvenTranslator
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 11 2019
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I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster. Unfortunately, it just seems to have made him sluggish.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hughdman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 08 2018
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I called my wife and told her that I'll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy.

She still regrets letting me name the kids.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 79
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/avigyan_33
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 22 2020
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The coronavirus seems pretty popular...

I heard it went viral

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheRepeatTautology
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 24 2020
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I've seen most of the speeches that the Pope has made and they always seem rather pompous.

He's always pontificating...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JeanLuc_Richard
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 05 2020
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While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn’t seem amused...

I guess it was the delivery!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 206
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bakedschwarzenbach
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 06 2019
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As I move into the new year, my future only seems fuzzy...

I guess I just need a better resolution

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bacon_and_ovaries
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 30 2019
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It seems the latest iPhone hints at the existence of an afterlife.

iPhone Hell Heaven

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/collapsing_sanity
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 15 2020
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I was walking by some folks, that didn't seem to get how lopsided the brick wall they were making was...

So I leveled with them.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 05 2020
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The stories my math teachers told me never did quite seem to add up. reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Robodoodn
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 30 2019
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It's good to see people that carrot about world peas.It might seem corny, but to achieve world peas we have to beet the bad guys.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 66
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Yugvijay
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 18 2018
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All the comic books I bought from the store seem to be missing the last page.

I have to draw my own conclusions.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 41
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
"What seems to be the problem?" The Psychologist asked the Elephant Poacher

"Ivory too much" He said.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MinatoAristao
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Oh seems like I've got a flat tire, don't worry I've got a spare in the back

Opens up to reveal two bowling pins

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PraiseTheStu00
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 11 2019
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This seems appropriate for the subreddit
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/brokenjuicebox
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 15 2019
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My friend is a pretty unsuccessful farmer. But he tries a lot to promote his business on social media by providing a new profile picture every 3 months. Unfortunately the picture always seems to have his head or side chopped off a bit.

Another season, another bad crop.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Chateau512
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2019
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All the 70s solo female artists seem extremely vain to me.

They are a bunch of pre Madonnas.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 04 2019
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My son isn't keen on getting his haircuts. Every time I take him to the barber's, he questions why he needs his hair cut so often, while I never seem to need mine.

Today, I finally told him, "Because my hair falls out by itself."

I didn't have the heart to say, "You'll understand when you grow up."

It was about the only time male pattern baldness made sense to me.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/austozi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 17 2019
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Cereal killer seems to be on the loose
πŸ‘οΈŽ 414
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jamulan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 04 2017
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Seems like he BEAT the system
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rapper_Moezoe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 08 2019
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Despite the fact that Johnny Depp really disappears into his characters, I never seem to have any trouble recognizing him in a movie.

I guess I just have good Depp perception.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/adambrantbelcher
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07 2015
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a doctors office. "What seems to be the problem'P" Asks the doc. um... well... I have five penises," replies the man. "Blimey!" Says the doctor "how do your trousers fit?"

"Like a glove."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report

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