Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...
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οΈ Jan 26 2021
None of the other subs seem to appreciate my festive Gingerbread house. Maybe you folks would appreciate it?
ποΈ 64
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οΈ Dec 22 2020
I don't seem to have the enthusiasm to break wind like I used to
In fact, the last few were very half-farted
ποΈ 11
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οΈ Jan 07 2021
No matter what I do, I just canβt seem to master the entire alphabet.
ποΈ 100
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οΈ Sep 22 2020
Why did the room packed with married people seem empty?
Because there wasnβt a single person there
ποΈ 9
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οΈ Nov 17 2020
Why did the vampire seem sick?
ποΈ 5
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οΈ Nov 17 2020
My doctor, who is also a clown... Asked me what seems to be the problem
I said, funny you should ask
ποΈ 4
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οΈ Oct 31 2020
My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I canβt seem to open any of the files.
I always have trouble with emotional attachments.
ποΈ 409
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οΈ Jul 11 2020
I am trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike, but he still can't seem to do it
I guess it must be sprocket science
ποΈ 13
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οΈ Sep 21 2020
Everyone seems to hate the local paleontologist...
I guess it must be because they always have a bone to pick with someone!
ποΈ 5
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οΈ Sep 13 2020
Seems a little inappropriate having a strip club across the road from Mini golf in town. Iβm a pretty liberal guy but if Iβm having a day out with my family the last thing I want to look across the road and see is a bunch of losers playing mini golf.
ποΈ 12k
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οΈ May 07 2019
Dad, I can't seem to spell the sovereign state in central Europe.
Dad: "That's because you have Spellczech turned off"
ποΈ 3
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οΈ Jul 26 2020
A router goes to see the doctor, and the doctor asks, "What seems to be the problem?"
The router replies "It hurts when IP".
ποΈ 17
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οΈ Apr 15 2020
Therapist: It seems like you have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you understand the symptoms?
Man: Canβt say that I do.
Therapist: Exactly. Thatβs the main one.
ποΈ 1k
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οΈ Dec 09 2019
My family canβt seem to find the tv remote. Theyβll never find where I hid it.
Itβs in a very remote location.
ποΈ 24
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οΈ Jun 07 2020
I can't seem to grow oats or barley, or spelt in the mountains where I live. I guess it's true what they say...
ποΈ 26
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οΈ Apr 04 2020
Ya know everyone seems to hate the U.S right now, but I honestly think itβs pretty
ποΈ 2
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οΈ Jul 13 2020
The robbers seem to XL at their job
ποΈ 1k
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οΈ May 26 2019
To call the whole Elon Musk controversy βElon-Gateβ seems like a bit of a stretch
ποΈ 14k
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οΈ Sep 09 2018
Ants do not seem to get the coronavirus.
Maybe, because they have the antibodies.
ποΈ 4
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οΈ May 31 2020
I recently talked about a John Cena joke with my sister, but she didn't seem to understand the joke, so I started to explain to her who John Cena is. She then asked me whether or not I seriously think that she doesn't know who John Cena is. I then told her:
"Well, I just thought you might have never seen him before."
ποΈ 10
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οΈ Apr 06 2020
A man walks into a doctors office. βWhat seems to be the problem?β Asks the doc. βItβs... um... well... i have five penises.β Replies the man. βBlimey!β Says the doctor, βhow do your trousers fit?β βLike a glove.β
ποΈ 275
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οΈ Sep 11 2019
I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster. Unfortunately, it just seems to have made him sluggish.
ποΈ 9k
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οΈ Aug 08 2018
I called my wife and told her that I'll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy.
She still regrets letting me name the kids.
ποΈ 79
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οΈ Jan 22 2020
The coronavirus seems pretty popular...
ποΈ 2
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οΈ Mar 24 2020
I've seen most of the speeches that the Pope has made and they always seem rather pompous.
He's always pontificating...
ποΈ 4
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οΈ Jan 05 2020
While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didnβt seem amused...
I guess it was the delivery!
ποΈ 206
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οΈ Aug 06 2019
As I move into the new year, my future only seems fuzzy...
I guess I just need a better resolution
ποΈ 5
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οΈ Dec 30 2019
It seems the latest iPhone hints at the existence of an afterlife.
ποΈ 2
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οΈ Jan 15 2020
I was walking by some folks, that didn't seem to get how lopsided the brick wall they were making was...
ποΈ 2
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οΈ Jan 05 2020
ποΈ 5
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οΈ Sep 30 2019
It's good to see people that carrot about world peas.It might seem corny, but to achieve world peas we have to beet the bad guys.
ποΈ 66
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οΈ Jul 18 2018
All the comic books I bought from the store seem to be missing the last page.
I have to draw my own conclusions.
ποΈ 41
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οΈ May 24 2019
"What seems to be the problem?" The Psychologist asked the Elephant Poacher
"Ivory too much" He said.
ποΈ 2
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οΈ Nov 03 2019
Oh seems like I've got a flat tire, don't worry I've got a spare in the back
Opens up to reveal two bowling pins
ποΈ 13
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οΈ Aug 11 2019
This seems appropriate for the subreddit
ποΈ 7
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οΈ Jan 15 2019
My friend is a pretty unsuccessful farmer. But he tries a lot to promote his business on social media by providing a new profile picture every 3 months. Unfortunately the picture always seems to have his head or side chopped off a bit.
Another season, another bad crop.
ποΈ 21
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οΈ Jun 27 2019
All the 70s solo female artists seem extremely vain to me.
They are a bunch of pre Madonnas.
ποΈ 3
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οΈ Sep 04 2019
My son isn't keen on getting his haircuts. Every time I take him to the barber's, he questions why he needs his hair cut so often, while I never seem to need mine.
Today, I finally told him, "Because my hair falls out by itself."
I didn't have the heart to say, "You'll understand when you grow up."
It was about the only time male pattern baldness made sense to me.
ποΈ 2
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οΈ Aug 17 2019
Cereal killer seems to be on the loose
ποΈ 414
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οΈ Oct 04 2017
Seems like he BEAT the system
ποΈ 7
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οΈ Jan 08 2019
Despite the fact that Johnny Depp really disappears into his characters, I never seem to have any trouble recognizing him in a movie.
I guess I just have good Depp perception.
ποΈ 2k
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οΈ Dec 07 2015
A man walks into a doctors office. "What seems to be the problem'P" Asks the doc. um... well... I have five penises," replies the man. "Blimey!" Says the doctor "how do your trousers fit?"
ποΈ 6
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οΈ Sep 11 2019
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