Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...
None of the other subs seem to appreciate my festive Gingerbread house. Maybe you folks would appreciate it?
I don't seem to have the enthusiasm to break wind like I used to
In fact, the last few were very half-farted
No matter what I do, I just can’t seem to master the entire alphabet.
Why did the room packed with married people seem empty?
Because there wasn’t a single person there
Why did the vampire seem sick?
My doctor, who is also a clown... Asked me what seems to be the problem
I said, funny you should ask
My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I can’t seem to open any of the files.
I always have trouble with emotional attachments.
I am trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike, but he still can't seem to do it
I guess it must be sprocket science
Everyone seems to hate the local paleontologist...
I guess it must be because they always have a bone to pick with someone!
Seems a little inappropriate having a strip club across the road from Mini golf in town. I’m a pretty liberal guy but if I’m having a day out with my family the last thing I want to look across the road and see is a bunch of losers playing mini golf.
Dad, I can't seem to spell the sovereign state in central Europe.
Dad: "That's because you have Spellczech turned off"
A router goes to see the doctor, and the doctor asks, "What seems to be the problem?"
The router replies "It hurts when IP".
Therapist: It seems like you have an acute phobia of marriage. Do you understand the symptoms?
Man: Can’t say that I do.
Therapist: Exactly. That’s the main one.
My family can’t seem to find the tv remote. They’ll never find where I hid it.
It’s in a very remote location.
I can't seem to grow oats or barley, or spelt in the mountains where I live. I guess it's true what they say...
Ya know everyone seems to hate the U.S right now, but I honestly think it’s pretty
The robbers seem to XL at their job
To call the whole Elon Musk controversy “Elon-Gate” seems like a bit of a stretch
Ants do not seem to get the coronavirus.
Maybe, because they have the antibodies.
I recently talked about a John Cena joke with my sister, but she didn't seem to understand the joke, so I started to explain to her who John Cena is. She then asked me whether or not I seriously think that she doesn't know who John Cena is. I then told her:
"Well, I just thought you might have never seen him before."
A man walks into a doctors office. “What seems to be the problem?” Asks the doc. “It’s... um... well... i have five penises.” Replies the man. “Blimey!” Says the doctor, “how do your trousers fit?” “Like a glove.”
I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster. Unfortunately, it just seems to have made him sluggish.
I called my wife and told her that I'll pick up pizza and coke on the way back from work. But it seems she was not happy.
She still regrets letting me name the kids.
The coronavirus seems pretty popular...
I've seen most of the speeches that the Pope has made and they always seem rather pompous.
He's always pontificating...
While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn’t seem amused...
I guess it was the delivery!
As I move into the new year, my future only seems fuzzy...
I guess I just need a better resolution
It seems the latest iPhone hints at the existence of an afterlife.
I was walking by some folks, that didn't seem to get how lopsided the brick wall they were making was...
It's good to see people that carrot about world peas.It might seem corny, but to achieve world peas we have to beet the bad guys.
All the comic books I bought from the store seem to be missing the last page.
I have to draw my own conclusions.
"What seems to be the problem?" The Psychologist asked the Elephant Poacher
"Ivory too much" He said.
Oh seems like I've got a flat tire, don't worry I've got a spare in the back
Opens up to reveal two bowling pins
This seems appropriate for the subreddit
My friend is a pretty unsuccessful farmer. But he tries a lot to promote his business on social media by providing a new profile picture every 3 months. Unfortunately the picture always seems to have his head or side chopped off a bit.
Another season, another bad crop.
All the 70s solo female artists seem extremely vain to me.
They are a bunch of pre Madonnas.
My son isn't keen on getting his haircuts. Every time I take him to the barber's, he questions why he needs his hair cut so often, while I never seem to need mine.
Today, I finally told him, "Because my hair falls out by itself."
I didn't have the heart to say, "You'll understand when you grow up."
It was about the only time male pattern baldness made sense to me.
Cereal killer seems to be on the loose
Seems like he BEAT the system
Despite the fact that Johnny Depp really disappears into his characters, I never seem to have any trouble recognizing him in a movie.
I guess I just have good Depp perception.
A man walks into a doctors office. "What seems to be the problem'P" Asks the doc. um... well... I have five penises," replies the man. "Blimey!" Says the doctor "how do your trousers fit?"
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