โ€œDue to the rising number of dolphin attacks, weโ€™ve had to outlaw any overnight camping on the beach.โ€

โ€œWe hope the new rule will help, for all in tents and porpoises.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/okaypuck
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I had a friend who started crying and said he somehow once saw the sun rising in the west instead of the east.

He thought it was upsetting.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MCMajorGeo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
If the seas are rising so much due to climate change

We should start calling them B-โ€˜s

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you know that worm population has doubled in the past 80 years to due to the rising temperatures?

Yeah, they're calling it global worming.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LifeOfRi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
House of the rising pun
๐Ÿ‘︎ 481
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Demosthenes-42
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Whoever did this is certainly a rising star in the company.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 28
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/juangusta
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Apparently the cost of balloons is rising

Well, that's inflation for ya

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ToxianLeader
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/1901victorco
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
We recently hired a magician at the cemetery based on his response to how he could help combat the rising costs of burial arrangements.

"Abracadaver."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Vodkashana
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What did the rising sun say to the morning dew?

You will be mist.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 454
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Nicstradamus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 08 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The number of puns is 'rising'

I mean, you just 'knead' to listen to the number of bread puns I have, its the 'yeast' you could do. I can't 'wheat' to share them. If not, then 'rye' bother? All this time would have been 'spelt' for nothing. I 'batter' stop now. What, you thought 'oil' my puns were bread related? I'm afraid to say that's not 'white', but there's no need to be 'sourdough'.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jonstermunch
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 23 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My wife: "Could you please go down to the basement pantry and get me the self-rising flour?"

Me: "If it's self rising, won't it make its way up here on it's own?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 22
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/StChas77
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The rising generation. buttersafe.com/2012/05/03โ€ฆ
๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tctimomothy
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 04 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
9 months from now, there will be a baby boom. 13 years later, will give rise to the next generation, known as....

Quaranteens.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 601
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of

The Quaranteens

๐Ÿ‘︎ 27k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tecniklee
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
r/NatureIsFuckingLit, right?
๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/OctoBear87
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
These kitties love puns almost as much as napping, and the rise of the proletariat.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/-NarWallace-
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What is the area of a circular piece of dough, where the slice length is "z" and the rise is "A"

Pi(z)(z)(A)

Edit: Volume not area

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hctibasiaixelsyd
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
If monkeys start stealing clothes from everyone it'll be the Rise of the planet of the Dr'apes'
๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/our_lord23
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How did Sith Lords rise to the top?

They took the elevader.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CalebFnCool
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
"Did you hear about the new zombie game that all they do is watch dough rise?"

"It's called Bread Rising."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/QuitePasta
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Beer is like the sun...

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 48
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I was going to wake up early to watch the sun rise.

But then it dawned on me that I should sleep in.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/shabbos_roller
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The r/punpatrol has gone too far! We need to rise up!
๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AnthonyisClueless
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The next generation rises....
๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/artguy14
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 15 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
It's safe to assume that, once someone rises to the rank of Colonel, they will continue to be promoted.

Though I guess that's just a generalization.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DthAlchemist
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
bread and the sun are similar - both rise in the yeast
๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/US99
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Every day I forget which direction the sun rises...

Then it dawns on me

๐Ÿ‘︎ 184
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Kameshkii
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How did Jesus rise from the dead?

YEASTER EGGS

I'm a couple days late on this one but he took his time too

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MyNameCouldBeFrank
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The baker was concerned...

that her bread dough was not rising properly. But that was the yeast of her worries.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/youtellmebob
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The Rise Of Skywalker

The Rise Of Skywalker

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Nws4c
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I was on a family vacation in Japan when I slept in one day. My dad flung open my door and told me to wake up. I said, โ€œDad, what do you think this is?...

...the Land of the Rising Son?โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Campagnolo412
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
As I sat there on that dark, winter morning, I couldnโ€™t remember when the sun would finally rise....

But then it dawned on me.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/refusalskills
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A good pun is like bread.

It always rises to the occasion.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Geek-Inc
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My Wife and I were watching Disney+ and it started to lag.

My Wife: Is it frozen? Me: No, itโ€™s Wreck It Ralph.

Sheโ€™s 19 weeks pregnant, I can feel the dad joke wit rising!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 66
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JacKlompus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Amsterdam will be one of the first major cities to be wiped out by sea level rise due to climate change

I guess it will be Amsterdamned.

That's quite ironic, isn't it supposed to serve as a dam?

source: http://geology.com/sea-level-rise/

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bary3000
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 03 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Funny 'Dads Anonymous' story to share for the holiday weekend.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.

"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.

Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KW-DadJoker
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 24 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why did the balloon prices rise?

Inflation . . . . . . . Also serious economic issues in the United States which will hopefully be addressed soon.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 22
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheDestroyer575
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why didn't the bread rise in the great state of Maine.

Wrong dough Maine

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dipmate
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 30 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
So yesterday I went to the store. All that I got was a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. That was all. Fortunately it was light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/1901victorco
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I was watching the sun rise, when it dawned on me
๐Ÿ‘︎ 4k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/confibulator
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 01 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Bread is like the sun, it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist...
๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Shy_NaughtyMuslim
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
There will be a baby boom in 9 months and

In 2033, we will witness the rise of "Quaranteens"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/user_is_name
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
There will be a baby boom in 9 months.

And in 2033 we shall witness the rise of the quaranteens!!!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 248
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PapaCheddar
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I was trying to figure out what time the sun would rise this morning.

Then it dawned on me.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 36
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Domthehuman1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 15 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Bread is a lot like the sun

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ThineGreatPotato
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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