Had the wife stop the movie to watch a quick clip. After she sat down I told her" You could cut the dogs feet off".
She said "I don't understand.....".
I said " UN-PAUSE".
I had to explain it to her...
A bloke runs in to a bar and says. Quick how tall are penguins? The barman says about three feet. The man groans and says :--
I have just run over a NUN
Quick Update: The dime actually won the presidency!
I ran into the vets this morning and said to the blonde receptionist, "Quick, I think my daughters hamster is in serious trouble".
"Hamster?" she laughed, "That's a snake".
Why are the soviets so quick at doing their work?
During my trip to Madrid I was staying at this small motel when I grew pretty ill. Thankfully the people at the front desk sent the on call doctor over and he was able to fix me up real quick. I told him I didn't expect such a small place to have such a good doctor, to which he told me
Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Physician
The guy who paints the center line down the highway came into my deli for a quick bite...
Quick moment to appreciate the tweet title.
"Mr. Wayne, I really gotta pee." ... "Quick Robin, to the Batroom."
A man ran through the waiting room, barged into the doctors office and said "Doctor, help me quick I've swallowed a pool ball."
The doctor looked at him crossly, pointed out of the door and said "get to the end of the cue!"
Guy blew a red light and got into a pretty bad accident. A quick scan of the interior gives a pretty good idea of why he couldn't stop. (X-post from r/justrolledintotheshop)
I’m talking with my sister in law about the fruit salad she made (my best quick response I’ve ever had)
Last family picnic my sister in law made a really good fruit salad. I was talking with her an my spouse’s aunt about it. SIL was saying how she’d gotten a mini pineapple and mini watermelon for the salad.
The aunt asks “where’s you get all these mini fruit”
Without skipping a beat I reply “the minimart!”
The tiger got loose at the circus and made it's first kill quick.
It went right for the juggler.
When I tell my dad, " I need to hop in the shower real quick before we leave the house".
Ok, but I'd rather you hop real slow. Bathroom falls account for the majority of home injuries.
Told my dad I was going to go jump in the shower real quick. He just looked me in the eye and said, "No. Jumping in the shower is unsafe."
Quick, everyone throw out the best joke you know...
But please leave them in a neat pile, it's hard enough to pick though the trash as it is.
A quick journey into the merchandising genius of Hillary's campaign gift shop. [x-post from /u/JaroLink in /r/The_Donald]
sli.mg/a/2aSZUr
Suppose I made a quick decision to see the doctor about some itchy, dry skin...
...would that be a rash decision?
A quick guide on how to fall down the stairs
Step 1
Step 3
Step 6
Step 9,10,11,12
“I’m going to jump in the shower real quick.”
“You shouldn’t jump in the shower. Just stand there and let the water run over you.”
Dad: Quick, someone put a dildo on the roof!!
Me: Wtf why?
Dad: I cut myself pretty bad.
Me: What does the dildo have to do with anything?
Dad: I need a dose of penis ceilin'
(Actual)
My dad is quick on the draw.
http://i.imgur.com/8KUUFWp.png
I'm gonna go jump in the shower real quick.
Sounds dangerous but I trust you. Please be careful.
Quick wit from dad in the kitchen
Cooking with my dad while my golden retriever sits in the middle of the kitchen watching... Dad tells dog to get out of the kitchen, and I say "Ah, he's just here for moral support." Without missing a beat, dad responds, "More like morsel support." Heh.
I told my dad "I just need to change real quick" and he responded with "Don't change I love you just the way you are"
I offered to go shopping for my father and all he wanted was chips and salsa. I picked out the brand of chips he wanted quick enough, but he didn't like how long it was taking me to get the salsa.
He told me to pick up the Pace.
"I'm gonna go run to the store real quick, need anything?"
'Nope, but it'll probably be easier if you drive. Won't have to carry all those bags.'
Well played, Grandpa.
brb, gonna go jump in the shower real quick
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