How do guards decide who the best prisoner is?

They hold a con-test.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/morsodo99
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a smart-ass prisoner falling down the stairs ?

A condescending con descending.

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joe4645
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Two prisoners are working in the laundry room on the top floor of the jail.

After a couple hours, the guard on duty steps away to use the bathroom.

The one prisoner says: "Quick, this is our chance to escape. We only have a few minutes so have to work together. You rip bedsheets into strips and I'll tie them into a rope, then we can climb down through the window.

The other agrees, "Got it. I sheet, you knot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Here about the prisoner who makes good cocktails? He's behind bars now!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wrong-Flamingo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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What do you call the vitamins they make prisoners take?

Mandatory minerals

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TacoPi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
An escaped prisoner was caught camping out in the woods ....

.... it was a clear case of criminal in tent.

πŸ‘︎ 168
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrNakamura
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period.

It marks the end of his sentence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/geomads
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
🚨︎ report
"Just take the prisoners below." the warden condescended.
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timoth3y
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a smug prisoner walking down the staircase...

I thought: "that's a condescending con descending"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/judethedude781
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the death row prisoner request as his final meal?

Lifesavers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bdub_7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
The date of a prisoner's freedom should be called a period

because it's the end of their sentence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gamgam777
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a midget prisoner climbing down the fence around the facility?

A little condescending

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PFC-Snowflake
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
The prisoner said snooty things as he repelled down the wall to escape

Very condescending

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the Iranian prisoners escape the capital? Tehran away.

I know what you're thinking, "Oman, that joke was Shiite, can't you joke about Sunni else?" I could, or you Kuwait until I'm finished. Do I have more? Yemen, but Israeli not that many. I write them down though... I store them in Iraq. Or for transport I store them I'm my bag, Dad. (Pretend you're my dad.)

Edit: Minor detail (Quatar you doing, man!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DankOfTheEndless
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the warden give laundry soap to departing prisoners?

As a detergent against future grime.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johngreenink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the prisoner who escaped after dismantling his cell?

They're calling it self defence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SilentIntrusion
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the pirate make his prisoner walk the plank?

He didn’t have a dog.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jerrysmith815
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
An escaped prisoner was captured down at the docks.

They were harboring a fugitive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did the prisoner try to stab the other prisoner?

He wanted to be more shivalrous.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sr_ChalupaBatman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I’m watching the Parole Board interview a prisoner with a really bad stammer.

It’ll be a while before he finishes his sentence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the party held by escaped prisoners?

I heard it was off the chain!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2017
🚨︎ report
The prisoner sneered at the guards as he escaped over the prison wall...

He gave them a con descending look.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/muneuf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2015
🚨︎ report
Upon seeing the preview for "Prisoners"

"Don't mess with Hugh Jackman. He's got those long nails. And I hear he went to Michigan! Har ar ar ar ar..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gonorrhea69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2013
🚨︎ report
What do you call a mean old prisoner walking down the stairs?

Con descending

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Khitty
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a midget prisoner climbing down the prison walls?

A little condescending

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PFC-Snowflake
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
🚨︎ report

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