We’re you aware that the NFL has a rule on professional athletes and the animals they can own as pets? They are prohibited from owning a duck as a pet!
What did Pat Sajak say when he walked into the pet store?
I went into a pet shop and asked if I could buy a goldfish, the bloke asked if I wanted an aquarium.
I said I don’t care what star sign it is
Attila the Hun had a pet snake who refused to eat.
He tried everything: rodents, small animals, and even cuts from larger animals, but it wouldn't eat.
As a last resort, he offered a virgin, but still the snake wouldn't eat. So, he called up the village's wise man.
Without hesitation, the wise man put two pieces of bread on the woman, and the snake ate her whole.
When Attila asked why, the wise man responded,
"Thine anaconda don't want nun unless you've got buns, hun!"
My 2 pet birds got stuck together, so I took them to the vets to see what they could do.
Apparently, he couldn't do anything, because it was just....
Toucan-fusing.
How do you buy a cat, if the pet store is closed.( Made by my 5 year old niece)
You buy it from the cat-alogue
Jim Carrey is combining the movies where he plays God and a pet detective
What did the Farmer say when he saw a painting of his pet Llama?
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. “That’s one too many!” says the customer.
The clerk replies “It’s a freebie”
A guy walks into a bar with a dog and the bartender says "No pets allowed!"
The guy says "This isn't a pet, he's my friend and he can talk."
The bartender is skeptical and demands the guy proves it.
The guy asks the dog "What's the opposite of 'soft'?" The dog replies "Rough!"
The bartender remains skeptical and asks for more proof.
The guy asks the dog "What do people put over the top of their house?" The dog replies "Roof!"
The bartender gets annoyed and gives the guy one more chance.
The guy asks the dog "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time? Babe......" The dog replies "Ruth!"
The bartender is fed up and throws them out. The dog says "Should I have said 'Lou Gehrig?'"
A man came home from the pet shop with loads of geese.
He only went for a gander
Bought a new muzzle for my pet duck the other day.
Nothing fancy, but it fits the bill.
The best name for any pet is...
I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.
Me- “You gave me one too many”
Shopkeeper- “that one is a freebie”
Went to the pet store and ordered a dozen bees. I noticed that the clerk gave me 13...
so I asked if that was a free bee. He replied, "No, that's called a baker's dozen. If you spent less time reading reposts on Reddit, you would know that."
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
There was a television channel ran by pets, the weather forecast was on and inclement weather was being predicted...
High chance of it raining cats and dogs, howling winds, and a possible purricane.
5 puppies were stolen from the pet shop yesterday....
Police are warning people to look out for anyone selling hot dogs.
I haven’t been able find my pet turtle for the past few months
Turns out he’s just been sheltering in place.
According to the new rules this year, NFL players are no longer allowed to have a chicken as a pet.
It’s considered to be a personal fowl.
Did you hear about the virtual pet dog?
I walked into the pet store and I spoke to the guy at the counter.
"I'm looking for an inexpensive pet and I heard your birds are going cheep"
I was having a good day until I stopped to pet a duck in the park....
Now I'm feeling a little down.
i went to the pet shop for birdseed the other day.
for some reason the seamed confused when i asked how long it takes for the birds to grow.
For the upcoming NFL season, players will not be allowed to keep chicken as pets.
That would be considered a personal fowl.
Now is the best time to buy a pet bird.
I hear they are going cheep.
We went to the pet store, and now my son wants a porcupine with no quills.
I said, “That’s .....completely pointless.”
The other day, I told my son a joke about his pet iguana’s diet.
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog, bends down as if to pet it, then picks it up by the tail and begins spinning it over his head. It created quite the ruckus, so an employee ran over and asked the man if he needed help.
"No thanks, just looking around."
How do your pets stop the show you're watching?
I walked into the local pet shop the other day
I said how much for the wasp?
He said he didn't sell wasps
I said well there's one in your window
I asked for 12 bees at my local pet store. The owner gave me 13 bees. I said “you’ve given me 1 to many!” The owner said...
...”That one is a freebie!”
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
What pet does the CEO of Xerox have?
My kid wanted to get a pet spider from the pet store, but they are really expensive.
I can get a real cheap one off the web.
What's the loudest kind of pet?
With Storm Ciara rolling in I was worried about my pet bunnies out there in the garden.
But it’s fine - I’ve battened down the hutches.
My friend told me this: What did the pet frog say after you received an F on your test paper?
I gave my daughter money to go buy a dog at the pet store. She disobeyed and came back with a cat instead.
You’ve got to be kitten me.
Which pet makes the most noise?
I tried to teach my pet bird the alphabet, but we got stuck on the 24th letter.
Do you know what the loudest pet you can get is?
I went into a pet shop and told the owner that i want twelve bees
He handed me thirteen and said "last one is a freebie"
The NFL has this obscure rule where players aren’t allowed to own pet ducks.
It’s considered to be a personal fowl.
When is the best time to get a pet parakeet?
When they are going cheep
My kid wanted to get a pet spider from the pet store but they're to expensive....
I told him I'll get him one off the web
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