There was a story in the paper today about a dog that ran 3 miles just to find a stick...
I thought it was a little far fetched.
The hardest thing about wrapping paper is...
Not many words rhyme with “paper”.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
I heard that a gang based in Los Angeles is creating paper money with pictures of the founder's foot's digits in place of presidents...
I dunno if the Crip-toe currency will take off or not.
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
What do the starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?
They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
What type of toilet paper does the math house have?
Why did the torn piece of paper beat the regular piece of paper in a fight
Research paper: Dad Jokes and the Deep Roots of Fatherly Teasing
A Danish scientist has delved into the roots of silly, fatherly, humour and come up with a possible explanation
https://psyarxiv.com/r9mhc/
The blockage of the Suez shipping canal is going to cause a worldwide shortage of toilet paper....
Unfortunately I ran out of toilet paper already so started using lettuce leaves. Today was the tip of the iceberg.
Honest LPT: I got embarrassed the other day, and want to help other people avoid making my mistake. Now this might seem counterintuitive, but if you come up with a good dad joke MEMORIZD it and NEVER write it down. Because the moment you put it on paper...
Double pun : What did the pizza say to the paper?
True Story. I went to pick up a couple of Italian Beef sandwiches curbside last night and as the runner approached with my order, the sandwiches broke through the gravy soaked paper bag and fell to the ground. She was extremely apologetic and said she would re-bag them for us. But I was livid!
I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.
I was having problems with the printer at work last week and I had to ring the engineer. I told him that I kept putting paper in to the printer but the display kept saying it just can't get enough...
The engineer said "ah yes.... it's stuck in Depeche Mode"....
I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......
......... The Times are really Rough!!!
Just heard the world paper tearing champion has died....
You hear the joke about paper?
No? It’s ok it was TEAR-able
I have one about pizza but it’s cheesy
I found out today that I perfectly match the profile of the type of person who spoils their ballot paper.
I tick all the right boxes.
My teacher gave me some weak paper the other day
Did you hear about the guy shooting paper towel rolls in the wild?
Have you heard the joke about paper?
Nevermind. It's tearable.
Why did the toilet paper jump of the building?
To quickly get to the bottom...
What did the weed say when confronting the piece of paper?
Im gonna be blunt with you,
With the increasing cases of Covid in America, I was worried there would be a shortage of paper towels.
But I found the grocery story to be Bounty full.
My daughter's teacher gave her a project to write the English alphabet on slips of paper. Unfortunately 25 letter slips got wrinkled on her way to school.
But atleast she has a smoothie
Every Sunday I read the Times and complain to my kids about that orange haired narcissist dominating the paper by insulting and mocking everyone, especially those closest to him.
That Garfield needs to learn how to think about more than just himself and his next plate of lasagna.
Someone has stole all the toilet paper from the police station.
Police say at the moment we have nothing to go on.
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate, but my roommate used the paper to roll up his joint
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to see again.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in the crack.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Why Did The Toilet Paper Roll Down The Hill?
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road???
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it was stuck in a crack.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in the crack
(Courtesy of my son!)
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Why was toilet paper wasn't able cross the road?
Because it got stuck in the crack
Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?
He got stuck in a crack.
Courtesy of my step daughter.
I wrote down the names of everyone I hate on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint.
He’s now high on the list of people I never want to see again.
Why did the pirate wear a paper towel for a hat?
He had a bounty on his head.
Why didnt the toilet paper cross the road?
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